


Just Another Fantasy

by Maiera



Series: Just Another Series [1]
Category: Dragon Age (Video Games), Dragon Age: Inquisition
Genre: Angst and Feels, Fadewalkers ruin everything, Family road trips are always fun, Language Barrier, Modern Girl in Thedas, Mood Swings, Plaidweave everywhere, Right?
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-07-16
Updated: 2016-01-03
Packaged: 2018-04-09 13:57:54
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 54
Words: 56,192
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4351517
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Maiera/pseuds/Maiera
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Danielle Cooper finds herself in Thedas, where next to no one can understand her.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Things Start Off

**Author's Note:**

> First fic, so any advice you can give is appreciated, as well as pointing out any mistakes so I can fix them.

     "Dywedwch wrthyf pam na ddylem ladd chi nawr." What the fuck? I feel like my head got smashed against a building, and my hand feels like I laid on it for a few hours. The voice makes itself heard again. "Mae'r Conclave yn cael ei ddinistrio. Mae pawb a oedd yn bresennol yn farw. Ac eithrio ar eich cyfer chi." My vision clears up, and I can't believe my eyes... Cassandra fucking Pentaghast has me in chains and is interrogating me.  
     "Is this some sort of shitty fanfic, or did I actually get a concussion?" My voice sounds different, almost like that british voice actor, but younger. Holy shitballs, this has to be the best dream ever!  
   "Beth wnaethoch chi ei ddweud? Beth yw y marc? Sut wnaethoch chi achosi'r ffrwydrad?" Cassandra begins rambling questions.  
   The whole thing feels familiar so I assume it's the opening scene. Lickily I more or less know what she's saying, but only from memory, I suppose she can't understand me. But wasn't Orlesian based off of French? Good thing I studied it back in high school.  
     I turn to face Leliana, who has been silent this whole time and clear my throat. "Parlez vous Orlesian? Je ne parlais commune."  
     The women look a little shocked, but I suppose I would too if I were told someone didn't know any English. Leliana looks at me with suspicion and replies coldly, "Yes, I do. How is it you don't know Common? Do you know what happened?"  
     I roll my eyes, of course I could tell them the truth, but that would mean explaining that until today I thought they were a cluster of pixels on a screen. "I was sheltered. As for what happened, I remember running. Then things were chasing me, and then... a woman"  
     "A woman?" Of course I knew the lines almost perfectly, so I managed to possibly convince the spymaster of my lies. Achievement get: Pretty Good Liar?  
    There was a boom outside, which I suppose was from the hole in the sky. "Ewch i'r gwersyll ymlaen, Leliana. Byddaf yn mynd â hi at y rhwyg." That would be the part where Cassandra tells Leliana to leave, I think.  
     I guessed correctly, she took off my handcuffs and led me outside. Instead of trying to talk to me about the Breach, she just pointed to it and made a motion that I think was supposed to mean death? I nod to show I know what she means. It's pretty hard to explain it without words, but she gives me the rundown of "People think you're guilty. Fix the Sky Hole. Let's go."  
     After the bridge collapses, I instinctually look to my left. According to fate, I am apparently an archer. Or mage. There isn't only the one convinient weapon that happens to land in reach, but there's no way I would be able to use a staff, even if I am a mage. I reach for the bow and manage to actually hurt the shades. While Cassandra tells me what I pressume is to drop my weapons, I actually go back and get the staff.  
     "Dywedais wrthych i ollwng eich arf! Nid yw i godi un arall i fyny." Whatever she said sounds like she's gone into Mother Bear Mode. Probably about disobedience. I just give her a blank look and she responds with a sigh. I almost giggle imagining the subtitles, "(disgusted noise)" above her head.  
     There's fighting up ahead. This must be the point where I meet Egghead and Chest Hair. As I get ready for battle, one of the shades hits me in the side. "What the hell! I'm the one who does the sneak attacks, that's no fair!" I blurt out in English. I remember advice from long ago, when in pain, cursing actually helps. So I do what anyone would do and try to string as many curse words as I can think of until the battle is over and I can grab a potion. The health potions don't taste too bad, a bit like strawberry syrup.  
     "Eithaf sicr y rhan fwyaf o'r rhai a oedd eiriau melltith." Varric probably made a snide remark there. Did I mention how odd it was to hear your favorite characters in another language? It's pretty wierd.  
     "I wasn't aware there were humans who had such a colorful vocabulary of elvhen." I try not to visibly perk up at not only the English being used, but also that it was the Fade Nerd himself who had said it.  
     "Wait, you can understand me?" This really was one of those cheesy Solas fics, wasn't it?  
     "I haven't heard so much Elvhen since my deepest journeys in the Fade, but yes." I won't lie, I snorted at the obvios lie.  
"Whatever you say. Did you also get the good lying skills from the Fade?" I couldn't mention him being Fen'harel outright, names were the same no matter the language. The others would notice me mentioning him.  
     "Whatever do you mean?" That bastard. Sometimes I want to smack him upside the head.  
     "I mean I know who you are. I can't say names, but I know yours." If looks could kill, right then I would've dropped dead.  
     "Mae hi'n siarad Elvhen. Mae hi'n dweud ei bod yn gwybod dim am yr hyn sy'n digwydd, heblaw ei fod yn fygythiad." Pretty damn sure whatever he said was a lie.  
     We make it to the forward camp and through Solas I choose the mountain path. There was a pun that I really wanted to use.  
     Once Solas speaks up, I know exactly what he said even if it was in Common. "What manner of tunnel is this? A mine?" To which I reply in English with a stupid grin, "No, a yours!" Solas gives me a confused look, since I knew what he had said.  
     "So you can speak Common?" He went back to English.  
     "Nope, but I know what you said. I can't understand what you say, but some things I remember being said. Can't explain it without causing existential crises, though." We get through the mines and I found some plaidweave. Everyone looked a little worried when I stashed it in my bag with an impish grin. Everyone shall wear plaidweave. Everyone.  
     We reach the Breach and I almost died from the pride demon. Solas managed to get me under a barrier while I chugged a potion and sprinted out of range from the lighting orb.  
     They really downplay how much closing that rift hurts. It actually does feel intense enough to knock you out for three days. Every nerve feels like it's on fire, my body is being dragged by the magic and I can hear echoes of everything remotely interesting that happened here. Then, there was pure white.


	2. Things Calm Down

The game lied. When I woke up, the little scaredy elf wasn't there, which sucks, I kind of liked their bumbling. Instead, the box of herbs was on the bedside table, along with a change of clothes. I was surprised no one mentioned the fact I was wearing a tank top and pj shorts, but after I thought about it, they probably have and I just didn't know.  
The outfit I was given was actually nice, unlike the gaudy dragon armor that makes you look like a chicken. It was a deep green shirt with lace on the collar and sleeves, and some dark gray leggings. The boots were closer to Doc Martens than felt probable, but there they were.  
After I got changed I steeled myself for the inevitable walk to the Chantry. The game lied about that too, instead of the thick crowd, there were many people scattered around that simply stopped after my door opened. And I thought it couldn't get any more unnerving.  
When I reached the Chantry, I heard the arguements from halfway down the hall. I still don't know how Roderick even thinks he can stand up against the Right Hand of the Divine. Either the hierarchy of the Chantry was really off, or Cass and Leliana were the heads of the Chantry now by default. Somehow the former feels more likely.  
As I stand outside the door, waiting for them to finish, Solas joins me by my side. I suppose I would need a translator. Still, whenever he gets the chance, he gives me the stink eye. I'll have to explain myself eventually, but to be fair I was comatosed before I could do so.  
The bickering eventually stops, and so I head inside, grumpy translator in tow. "So. Now would be the part you deem me the chosen one or something. And Roderick, to be fair, I don't believe in it any more than you do." Silence. "Solas, you can be shocked later, but they're not shocked, they're waiting. At least let them know that I'm not some idiot who can't speak for herself."  
His mask returns and he translates to them. Cassandra says something, and Roderick gives a grumpy response, then the book comes crashing down on the table, startling me a little. I was too busy wondering how anyone gets anything done around here. Solas then translates for me, Cassandra had said at the very least I'm innocent, to which Roderick responded that they have no way of knowing my true intentions. It makes sense, I'd be skeptical too. Then Cassandra monologs about starting the Inquisition.  
I gave a smirk to Solas and muttered "No one expects the Inquisition." Again, no response to my puns. Seriously, these are comedy gold! Varric would probably appreciate them. I can be very punny when I want to be.  
Instead of the single cutscene where the bird flies around, and we stand triumphantly, and Cullen puts up the poster, there was a whole lot of paperwork. Well, at least I didn't have to do any of it. Instead I spent a few weeks learning Common. Solas eventually deemed me a fast learner and stopped being so rude once he was certain that I wasn't going to tell anyone.  
It's now the second month since the Inquisition started officially and I can almost fully speak Common. Cassandra is actually a lot nicer than the game gives her credit for. I totally pegged her right as a Mama Bear.  
"You weren't joking when yousaid we would all wear plaidweave." She wasn't asking. She knew me better now.  
"Of course, I had Harrit start working on them yesterday. With any luck they'll be done before we head off to the Crossroads." I had managed to gather 50 bolts of plaidweave from Seggrit. Apparently, nobody wanted them, so he had a surplus. They're so ugly they're beautiful.  
"You will be the death of me, won't you?" She managed to break the second dummy. She goes through those things like I go through Pringles. Well, went.  
"With that sword arm? I doubt anything short of two dragons could take you down."  
"Two?"  
"Well, you already faced a dragon backed by cult mages." Woops. I almost slipped up. Dawn of the Seekers was a good movie, but the story had a bunch of holes in it, and the antagonist looked way too cartoony.  
"Ah, yes. It would only be a matter of time before someone tried to tell an inflated tale of my past." She gave an exasperated sigh. "Did they tell of how I single-handedly saved the Divine? Or took down a horde of dragons?"  
"Hey, what's that over in the pine trees?" I point over across the lake. Holy crap, she fell for it! I dashed through the snow and back through the walls, barely avoiding one of the Chantry sisters as I dash into my little cabin.  
I plop down onto my bed and sigh. I keep almost saying something stupid. It isn't my fault I don't think before I speak. I've been teaching myself how to play the lute, since they were nice enough to give me one. So I spend the night playing Leaves from the Vine and humming along, until I eventually fall asleep.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The story is a little skittish, because Danielle has the attention span of a chipmunk. Eventually things will become more linear as she is forced to accept her responsibilities. I promise the story won't always sound like she's hyped up on fun dip.


	3. Things Get Serious

Finally time to go to the Hinterlands. I've been getting a little stir crazy, since no one trusted me outside of Haven. Considering I was chased all the way back to the gates by a druffalo, I can't blame them.  
Another thing the game lies about is the travel. I wasn't much of an active person back home, but at this point, everyone makes me feel like an old woman. The worst part was we had no mounts. I didn't use the mounts in-game except for one playthrough where I got the Pride of Arlathan hart and got really attatched to him. I named him Steve. I miss Steve.  
So we walked to the Crossroads for 5 days straight before we made it. And the first person I'm greeted by was Scout Harding. Lace always made me feel happy. Her and Dagna were both in my top 3 background characters. The third was the Tiny Cave guy. The one who gets you the flower crown? Point is, I was perked up again after I saw her.  
"Nice to finally meet you Herald, I'm Lead Scout Harding. It's not every day we get someone with your reputation around here." Then Varric tries to pun, and Cassie gets mad. I'm almost positive something's going on between them, but Cassie denies it whenever I try to bring it up.  
"Please tell me my reputation is about the Herald part, and not the nug incident...?" Oh! Another story. A week ago I tried to train some nugs to follow me around Haven on a whim, because nugs are cool. But they ended up eating half of my blanket. And I didn't notice their wierd hand feet when I played the game. They were like Rufus from Kim Possible, cute in the story, but gross in the flesh.  
"What happened with the nugs?" Lace got a swift response from Cassandra.  
"You don't want to know."  
"Ser, there's a requisition for you." This lady. I always accepted them to be polite, but then never did them. But it was shelter for the soldiers, and now that they're real, I'd feel bad if I ignored it.. And that's how I was roped into chasing rams after we met with Mother Giselle. I didn't know what to think about her. She seemed nice, but also was a d-bag to Dorian once you got to Skyhold.  
One thing I learned out here, was that while everyone had a branch from the skill tree they favored, they all pretty much knew all the things from that tree. Everyone seemed pretty impressed when we were fighting rifts and I told Solas to use dispel on the fissures where the demons pop out. I guess no one thought of that before?  
Once we got to the Lake camp, I took a detour to Blackwall's house. I wanted to know if I could just recruit him now. But in true game fashion, he wasn't home. I got a mosaic piece out of it anyways, but the crew was a little confused.  
Solas was the only one who didn't recognize a method to the madness, Cassie and Varric just accepted that if I was going somewhere, I probably had a purpose. Solas understood this too, but he was insistent on knowing why. Eventually I was tired of it and responded with "chicken pot pie" He stopped asking after that.


	4. Things Start Fading

I wake up. That was definitely a strange dream, but now it's time to go back amongst the living. I get out of bed with a sigh, my back hurts like crazy, but nothing else is new. May must have made me pancakes, how nice.  
"Hey, May?" I can hear some kind of static in the other room, she probably fell asleep watching tv again.  
Nevermind, May approaches me, she's walking kind of clunky. "What do you want?" She put a strange emphasis on want.  
This has gotten a little wierd. "N-nothing, just wanted to say thanks for the breakfast. Wanna play ESO together? There was a patch that added stealing."  
"Is that what you want?" Okay, officially creepy.  
"Y-you don't have to, I can just go run some errands if you're busy." I take the car keys and leave. That. Was. Creepy. I pass by some of the tenants on my way to the car, and I could've sworn I passed by Old Lady Josie twice.  
When I finally reach my car -it felt like forever- I see a man checking it out. Maybe he was a car geek, but my mind defaulted to thief. "Get away from my car jacka-..."  
Fucking. Solas. What the hell?! My mind stopped working for a solid 5 minutes.   
"Is this the home you refuse to speak of? I admit, this was not what I had in mind." I just stood there clinging onto my oversized purse.  
"Th- ahem. This is a dream then? That would explain why May was acting odd. Might have been a spirit of desire." I tried my best to be clever, but I don't think it worked very well.  
"Indeed it is. Is this why you refuse to speak of home?"   
"Quit prying. I don't ask you about Arlathan, do I? Like I said, you don't want to know about my world."  
He looked almost predatory as he propelled himself off of my car and towards me. "But I truly do. It is something I know nothing of except for glimpses into your dreams which only leave me wanting to see more."  
"Fine, this is the Fade, so if I think of something, it happens, yeah?" "Generally speaking." I exhaled, if he wants to know of my world, then he'll see it as what it is.  
Thousands of people going about their lives, they look like ants from here. Here, way up in the clouds, in a metal bird. A plane. The world is sepia tone because that's how she saw this event. A shell in the back, her gaze turns somber and melancholy. A voice that sounds distorted and tinny counts down from ten and yells fire. But there is no fire, they just dropped the shell. She counts. 45 seconds, and a blast even bigger than the one that caused the Breach. Her tears get evaporated as they leave the plane. They're on the ground now, debris flying everywhere. People simply turned to dust. Then an eery quiet, nothing but the two observers remain. Then what looks like a healer's tent, but white, and pristine, cold. Rooms full of survivors, all malformed. Then back to the parking lot bathed in twilight.  
I let go of a breath I didn't know I was holding. "Hiroshima. That was about 60, 70 years ago. People still suffer from it today. I don't know what you've seen, but after seeing something like that? This world was doomed to end. Almost every significant country has something like that, but stronger. We don't have wars, because it would be MAD. Mutually Assured Destruction." I leaned back on my rusty car. "I'm waking up now." And so I did.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yup. Sorry, but not really. There's a reason she's so chipper in Thedas.


	5. Things Are Awkward

I wake up with wet eyes. Jesus fucking Christ I forgot how moody I could be. Pretty damn sure Solas has been scarred, but then again, Fade Nerd has seen entire empires fall.  _But not like that._ Okay, Dani. You can do this. You're back in Thedas where you can be the hero.

 I exit the tent and find Varric on the last watch. "Heyo, see any bears?" I try to sound chipper, and I think he bought it.

"Nah, just a few fennecs. Rough sleep?" Okay. I can bluff through this.

"Had this wierd dream about a wolf? It was chasing me or some shit. Y'know, I didn't dream much before the Breach. Think it's Fade-y shit?"

"You're nervous." Caught.

"What makes you say that?" Maybe I can save myself?

"Whenever you get hurt or worried, you curse like a sailor. I should know, I traveled with a pirate for a while."

"Would you believe me if I said there really was a wolf?"

"Probably not." Godammit. 

Cassie to the rescue! I thank whatever gods that she woke up when she did. "Some people are actually trying to sleep here." Oh, another thing the game never mentions, Cassie really is not a morning person. I have to wake her up by sliding food next to her bedroll most days.

I got laundry duty today. You probably expect me to gripe about lack of washers and driers. But that's only because it's true! Streams are only efficient in a global warming sense, and that isn't even a thing here! First world problems.

Solas finally gets out of his tent, but pointedly avoids me. I think I may have actually scarred the Egg. He wanders off, so I go back to scrubbing.

Not twenty minutes pass and I hear a rustling in the shrubs. "Herald." I jumped as Solas came from behind. That's what she- No. Bad brain. I swear I must be masochistic or something. The bastard already broke two of my Inquisitor's hearts. I refuse to let him do the same to me. And I just spent a solid minute without responding.

"Yes Solas?" Smooth.

"Last night was..." Don't trail off there! Ugh. Let the rumors begin. I give an exasperated sigh.

"For someone who was around when politics were invented, you have terrible way with words. Besides, it was no big deal." Lies. "In all honesty, that would be like you explaining Arlathan and only talking about abusive slave owners. Tempting, but not helpful." Better.

He always seems surprised when I bring up my knowledge. 'You've seen more than most.' Shut up brain. Not the time for irony. "Anyways, maybe tonight I can show you the rest of it. But no judgments, okay?"

"The rest of what? Is that what kept you up all night?" Varric wiggles his eyebrow. I make a hissing noise at him. Huh, haven't done that in years. Today is the day to bring up all of Dani's bad habits apparently. Now everyone in the vicinity is staring at me. 

"I give up. Let's just get back to Haven." I get my horse who I have named Navi -don't judge me- and take off just slow enough for people to take the hint and join me.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'll be entirely honest. I didn't put anything for relationships because there may not be one. We'll see what happens.


	6. Things Happen

Now that we have mounts, the travel back takes significantly less time. By sundown, we've already gone a third of the way back. 

And now, the dreaded bedtime. I figured I'd try to find Solas in the Fade if I could. Then show him something less dramatic.

I'm awake again. Back home in bed. I know it's a fade bed, but it's still warm and comfy. I reluctantly get up and fold up the blankets. The joys of a futon. The bed shifts into a couch and I turn on the tv. "Did you really think that would stop my curiosity?"

"Hey Fen. And a girl can dream. Evidently... Anyways, I figured you should know what my actual life was before Thedas happened." I let out a stufled yawn and grab my PS4 controller.

"What is all of this? It doesn't explode I hope?" I can't tell if he's joking. I think he was, but he has that monotone voice going on.

I point to objects and name them. "Tv. Playstation. Controller. Couch. Sit." Other than that I give no explanation. I go through the all too familiar motions to bring up Dragon Age Inquisition. I sigh in defeat. "This is how I know about your world." I go through Character Selection before deciding to show my main character, a female Dalish mage. I had just beaten the temple of Mythal and went to get the flower crown.

"It moves. How does it do that?" Of course he asks the questions I don't have answers for.

"Science. Just enjoy the show." The screen loads. She was facing a wall. How did I leave her like that? I give Solas the grand tour and run him down on what happened so far. I get to his rotunda and pointedly avoid talking to in-game Solas. Instead, I head upstairs to see if Dorian has anything to say. Of course not.

But Viv's cutscene starts where she has family over in Skyhold. Of course, Lavellan gave the diplomatic response and wished she had done more. This was the moment that I started to like Viv. But then I remembered her posturing. Still kind of a bitch.

I check up on Varric. "Dang it. Still no wicked grace. How do you trigger it? It's the end of the game, and all I want to do is share a story or something and play cards."

Solas finally snaps out of scholar mode at my little outburst. "So you see our world as a game then?" He sounds cold.

"Well... at first. This is a game, but out there? You guys are real people. You're more fleshed out, and while I know all the important bits, I never saw the inbetweens. No travelling, or easy days. Straight action all the time. If you all were actually like that it'd get tiring." I decide to travel to the Frostback Basin, the new area from Jaws of Hakkon. I leveled up enough to beat it, hopefully. I head out with Sear, Dorian and Cole.

Apparently I didn't do Ameridan's trail yet so I set off to questing. Solas is being surprisingly quiet. I thought at the least he would comment on my Lavellan's armor, she was wearing the Ancient Elven Robes from the Exalted Plains and the flower crown. Almost as if sensing the silence, in-game Sera pipes up.

"The veil is wobbly here." In her best Solas impression. He perked up to that.

Dorian responded, "Perhaps a bit warbling, instead?"

"What? Let me check. Sensing... Sense-y. Definitely wobbly." I cracked up!

Solas cleared his throat as I remembered he was right next to me and could, in fact, hear me making fun of him. "Sorry. But it was pretty funny."

"Do you truly think I sound like that?" Aww, he got his feewings huwt.

"D'y'know? I found two words that describe you perfectly. Cute jerk." Now those were my own words, not the internet. I left out the part where that was what I yelled at the tv after he broke up with me the first time. I actually cried, and I'm not sure how to feel about that.

"All I know is that you've avoided the game Solas. You talked to what appeared to be everyone, except me. You even checked up on prisoners." Here we go.

"Fine. You want to know why? Well then, let's go back to Skyhold and see what you have to say for yourself." I was ticked off a little, won't lie.

I took the familiar route up to his rotunda and talked to game Solas. "Inquisitor."

"I'd like to discuss what happened before, Solas."

"That wouldn't be appropriate at this time. Harden your heart to a cutting edge, and put that pain to good use against Corypheus."

"You really don't let anyone see under that polite mask you wear do you?"

"You saw more than most."

"I don't know why I even tried to talk with you."

"Because you are hurt. Because I made a selfish mistake. Because you deserve better. Pick any reason. Let me know if I can be of any help in planning the final fight." 

I turn to the real Solas. "You know, she's Dalish." He looks like he's trying to figure it all out. She had no vallaslin, so he probably assumed she was a city elf. I give him a humorless laugh. "You called me vhenan. Our first kiss was in the fade. You took me to Crestwood. To a clearing. You said I was beautiful and that I deserved the truth." My voice turns sour. "You permanantly changed my fucking face. Then not ten minutes later, you dumped me!" Yeah, he looks less confused and more startled now. This was the first time I've gotten angry.

"What you just heard from the game? That was all the explanation I got until I beat Corypheus. You know what I get for saving the day? You disappear without so much as a goodbye. The next thing I hear from you is a scene that the inquisitor never sees. It's how I knew your identity. You meet with Mythal, or at least her vessel. You never trusted me enough to tell me who you were, but heaven forbid you even stick around for the after party." The area around us changes to the scene where Solas leaves.

"It wasn't supposed to happen this way. Know that whatever happens, what we had was real."

"Hah, leave a girl wanting more and all shall be forgiven. Tell her something that could give her even the smallest hope that it could work, and she'll believe it wholeheartedly. So pardon me if I don't want to be constantly reminded that in another world you dumped my ass onto the ground when I needed you most. Now if you'll excuse me, I need to calm down."

I head off towards the kitchen and get myself some fade-pringles. I eat when I'm upset, don't judge. I go to my laptop and get on youtube. "So. Solas. Forgetting that ever happened, you know there are a bunch of theories and shit about you?" I pull up one of the videos questioning his morality.

"And you said I'm viewed as fictional here?"

"Yeah, why?"

"You spend much time focusing on 'fake worlds'."

"Yeah, well you saw what this one can be like. Is it really so bad that we want an escape?"

"Fair enough."

So we watched theory videos for a few minutes, until it all stopped. I had woken up.


	7. Things and Exposition

I was woken up by cold water to the face. "What the hell?!" I can finally emphasize with cats now. That shit is unpleasant. 

"Sorry, you know you talk in your sleep? Whatever that was had you ruffled, so I thought I'd snap you out of it." Varric only looks slightly apologetic. 

Maybe if I glare at him long enough, he'll go away... "You know you haven't been yourself for a while. We're all a little worried " Aw, c'mon! How can I stay mad at him?

"Yeah, maybe because Egghead keeps invading my dreams. Never turns out good. I tried to at least be pleasant last night, but even that didn't work. Ended up cussing him out. I kind of feel bad about it and I just wish that I could stuff my face with food right now. Not ram meat and that kind of shit. Like some chili, or marachino cherries, hell, I would settle for some chips and salsa." Odd things to crave, but don't worry, I wouldn't eat them all at once. I was desperate.

"Wait, Chuckles was in your dreams? So you dreamt about him of all people?" Now let's explain Fade walking to a dwarf. Yay.

"Nah, he does this wierd thing where he can see into people's dreams and even interact with them if he wants to. Pretty sure I talked to the actual Solas, he probably will remember. And now I'll have to explain shit." Can I not go back to living in a fantasy? Responsibilities are shit. Now that I'm actually going through this, it's a helluva lot harder to act like a perfect hero. I liked to think that Lavellan did what I would do in the situation, but when it comes down to it, I just want to hide in a blanket cocoon and never come out.

"And you people wonder why mages are feared around here?" He heads out of the tent, so I follow him to the makeshift stables.

"I think it's only a Solas thing. But then again, Dreamers used to be fairly common. And if you think that's bad? If a dreamer kills you in your dream, you end up dead in real life." I give him a creepy smile and let my hair fall in front of my face.

"Wait, seriously?" 

"Nah, that's just an old superstition from home. You just end up Tranquil."

" _Just_ Tranquil? Better than dead, but shit."

Cassandra and Solas join us as we saddle up the horses. I pull my best sage face and speak like a mother giving a child life lessons. "And this is why you don't anger the Egg, children." I can see the white text now: Solas Slightly Disapproves.

"Should I be worried of whatever you tried to teach?" You should be afraid. Very afraid, muahahaha.

"Just talking about you possibly murdering me in my dreams. Sorry about that, by the way. To be fair, I'm not the only one with that opinion, you have a lot of girls pissed and heartbroken back home."

"Wait, what? Okay. You gotta fill me in on this. Chuckles is a heartbreaker?"

"Yeah. He pulls the same routine every time, yet anyone who dares to fall in love with him? Same results. Dumped in a cave. The same one each time, if you believe it. Back home, it's infamous. They say, so many people were devastated there, it actually weakened the veil." I didn't necessarily lie, just a bunch of half truths.

Cassie and Varric turn to Solas. "How can anyone fall for him?" Ahh, Varric.

"There are songs written about it, too. And some that people pointed out were eerily similar. Like this one song called Wildest Dreams. Heh, I may or may not have memorized the lyrics from listening to it too much."

"Wait, can you sing?" Way to change the topic in the worst way possible.

"Well, I can. But I've never really sung in front of anyone. Mostly when I walk alone. It's a way to keep me from thinking too much about being in trouble. Music was a big thing back home, it was everywhere."

"You know, the more you speak of your home, the less I can think of anywhere like it." Shit. Cassandra figured me out.

"There's a reason for that. But you guys have to promise not to freak out. And preferably don't think of me like an outsider or anything, but that part's mostly wishful thinking."

"What do you mean?"

"So. I am from a world that isn't Thedas, or the Fade. No I'm not a demon, or spirit. My home has a way of looking into other worlds like pages in a book. Except the reader can kind of change the story? One set of books follows Thedas. There are three stories so far. The Hero, the Champion and the Herald. We create a person with their own personality and background, then send them off here. Through them we can influence your world. I haven't met them yet, but I'm assuming you guys have one of the versions of my Hawke and my Warden. Usually, I would have sent you guys a hero to be in my current position. Usually I do a female dalish elf, but the lesbian qunari was one of my favorites... Anyways, this time I've been sent here personally for whatever reason -still working on that- and since I have to be here in the flesh, I've learned that theoretically, I am awesome, but when put to the test, I end up seeming more like a spazz than a hero."

"Well... shit." Very eloquent, Varric.

"So you mean to say you've done this before?"

"Well... Like I said, not personally, but I know what major choices lead to certain outcomes. Also, getting this out of the way, I've bedded most of you at least once, and know quite a bit about all of you. When I say back home Solas was a heartbreaker, I'm referring to all the people who went through the story and decided to romance him. Seriously, thousands of people. For whatever reason, him and Cullen are the favorite romance options."

"Wait, you've gotten in Curly's pants?"

"Yep. You want the full list of who I've romanced?" I give him my best eyebrow wiggle.

"This'll be good."

"Okay. With the Hero of Fereldan, I've bedded King Alistair, Morrigan, Zevran and Leliana. As Hawke, Fenris and Merrill. And as the Herald, Solas, Cullen, Cassandra, Josephine and about 4 people we haven't met yet." Cassandra turned pink. Such a cute color on her, if only for it's rarity.

"You and I?" 

"Well, no. You won't have to worry about me coming to seduce you under the moonlight or anything. Though now that I think about it, that's totally what happened. There were flowers and candles, poetry and a picnic. Don't worry, though. Even if I have bedded you, they kind of skip over that part. The worst I've seen from you was about three quarters of you naked."

"How can you be so nonchalant about something like that? You say this as if it means nothing." I scoff.

"Because at home, it was a script. It was following dialogue options that led to approval or disapproval. It wasn't you, it was a character. The story never mentions the little things that make you feel like a person instead of a bunch of words. I don't know how much I have to emphasize the disconnect there. But it isn't as if I didn't care, either. I formed my own opinions on what I thought was right. I support the mages, but know that they can pose a threat if they aren't properly trained. Hell, I have cried from the story. When my envoy was happy, so was I. There's a scene that I love so much, I get a stupid grin every time it happens. I've practically memorized every line from the beginning. And I named my mounts. As the Hero of Fereldan, I actually became attached to my mabari. I had named him Noodle, because I thought it was silly and had a nice juxtaposition. And I made it a point to flesh out my heroes and make them feel like people instead of some perfect protagonist. Usually."

"So... out of everyone here, what you're telling me is I'm the only one you haven't bedded?" Thank you for being the comedic relief, Varric.

"Yeah. But if you feel insecure about it, there are plenty of stories about you and Cass getting together. You get your share of action back home, too." The accused give each other looks. Can't tell if they're mortified because I've confirmed something, or because they still hate each other to some extent. I hope for the former. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Danielle tends to rant and look too much into things.


	8. Things and Power

The rest of the way back to Haven was full of glances from everyone. I could tell they were deciding whether I was crazy or just really unlucky. By the time we got back, they apparently had made some kind of conclusion, because things seemed to go back to a kind of normalcy. Besides the whole Inner Circle being aware of my identity now. After I mentioned Leliana's shoe obsession and Cullen's crush on the Warden -she was an elven circle mage apparently- they believed me. 

One big difference from how I expected things to play out was that Leliana didn't try to jail me, but since I proved myself beforehand and haven't done anything of consequence yet, she let me off easy, she only threatened to keep what happened between the Warden and her a secret and to avoid telling anyone outside of the Inner Circle of my origins. Easy enough.

And so I found myself wandering the outskirts of Haven, humming You are my Sunshine. And in true cheesy fanfic fashion, I find myself in front of a black wolf. With, you guessed it, six red eyes and a carcass in it's mouth. "Nope." I turned around and headed back to my cabin. Fuck. That. Not dealing with this bullshit today. All feelsed out. Going home. If Solas asks, I saw nothing. Nada.

I plop down onto my bed and after a short nap, I hear a knock at my door. It's the skittish elven kid who shows up at the beginning of the game, I learned quickly that his job was to round up the advisors and I for the war room meetings. "You're expected in the Chantry, my Lady."

I sit up and get a dizzy spell "On it. Thanks." I grab my finery and head out.

"Ah, good. We are all here then." Why Josie has to do rollcall when there are only five of us that ever attend is beyond me. "As I was saying, having the Herald present to speak with the Chantry would not be a bad idea."

"You can't be serious." Yup, same thing. I tune out a bit until Leliana clears her throat.

"Herald?" I realize everyone is now looking at me.

"Oh. Yes?" Smooth.

"What are your thoughts? You have foresight, correct? What happens?" Of course, now for the whole 'I know but can't tell' spiel. 

"Well... No one attacks us, directly... It is, however, necessary. It will give us the opportunities we need to continue sucessfully." Hopefully I was vague enough?

Cullen isn't convinced, though. "Directly? So you will be attacked."

"No. There will be some combat, but just a few guys in a courtyard north of the city. But that gets us an ally. And I suspect I'll be in the city for a couple days at least, there's also the salon I have to attend, and getting an agent to help with food supplies... They also sell schematics for armor and weapons, and I can get rid of all the trinkets I've looted. Though if I am getting schematics, I'd rather go to the Black Emporium- have we gotten that invite yet?" I had started mumbling about halfway through, making a mental schedule on all that had to be done, but Cullen snapped to attention at the last part.

"Yes, we can arrange for a detour to Kirkwall on your way back if necessary."

"Thanks. Oh, and Josie, do you think you could get me something suitable to wear? I'll be attending one of Madame de Fer's salons while I'm away, and I hoped to make a good first impression. Can't attend a party in armor, now can I?"

Josie perked up at the realization I had potential in the Game. "Of course. May I suggest a color palette, or do you have one in mind?"

My mind immediately snaps to the Halamshiral outfits. "I do. Pale green and white gold accents if you can. And please, nothing low cut."

"Of course." 

Leliana was eyeing me in that analytical way of hers. "Shall I pressume you can play the Game then?"

"Theoretically. I've wooed the Imperial court many times, though not in person. As long as I can remember my lines, I have a guaranteed success. But isn't that the Game for everyone?"

She responds with a light chuckle. "Indeed."

I turn to Cassandra. "So. Back to business. I need you, Solas and Varric ready to go once I get that dress and our armors ready. And remind me- never mind. Sorry. Used to video game logic still."

"What?" Right... never explained that part.

"Back home when I read your stories, measurements never mattered. When I got a new recruit, I would usually give them hand-me-downs until I could get ahold of something else. But now I can't do that since I'm fairly certain Varric's armor wouldn't fit on an elven girl. Now that I think about it, it's surprising how often my qunari In-Herald found armor that fit her. I usually just used the ones I'd looted off of people. Hm."

Remember when I said I would make everyone wear plaidweave? Still true. The crew all looked at me like I was crazy when I handed them their new armor.

"Shit, you weren't joking?" Varric eyed his.

"It's like a uniform! It'd be hard to ignore, even in a crowd. And at least yours is an accent." I almost pitied Solas, since it was two thirds of his ensemble. Almost.

"I refuse to wear this, da'len." Ooh, pulling the child card.

"Well at least you can be a  _flashy_ unwashed apostate hobo instead of a normal one. It suits you."

"No." He's never any fun.

"Too late. I sold your other armor already. It's this, or nothing."

"Hawke never forced me to wear anything..."

"Well Hawke is  _missing._ Right, Varric?"

He looked like a deer in the headlights for a second there. "Fair point." Atta boy.

"Why is it you don't have to wear this?" Cassandra, you got the easy part, don't side with them.

"Because I am the guest of honor. You guys aren't being forced to go to some party with a bunch of snobs in order to make alliances, now are you? I haven't worn a dress since I could dress myself, yet here I am, holding a silky gown with a v neck and jewelry. If I have to wear something I hate, so do you. If you stop complaining before we get out of Haven, then you guys can join me in burning the things when we get back. If not, then you could always just wear that until we close tje breach, right?" That made them shut up.

So off we went, in our lovely attire all around. Off to the land of fainting nobles and paranoid priests. To paraphrase Sera, this will be grand.


	9. Things and Experiments

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There are links to Youtube in this video. Promise no viruses or anything, and I suggest opening them in a new tab so you can follow along! Warning:There are kazoos. I like them, but it isn't for everyone.

So. We now have about two weeks on the road planned, and I get bored pretty quickly. Not sure how or why the Inquisitor gets the Mark of the Rift power, but hey, if I can get it before almost dying, that'd be great. I even have some theories as to what all I can do with this, but for now they're just theories.

About two hours into the trip, I start trying to make the Mark flare up. Apparently, when I think too much about it, it recognizes that? Explains the random bursts in cutscenes. Varric looks at me worriedly from his pony. Hehe, he has a pony. "Hey, are you alright over there?"

I look back to him, hand still all glow-y. "Yeah. Trying to see what all this thing can do. Y'know, short of causing a huge sky hole. At some point, it gets explained as a key to the Veil? It was misused, and the door was too big, so the Breach happened. But if I can control it better, in theory I can open up the Veil willingly, with minimal damages. That was the original purpose, more or less. If not that, bringing the Veil down entirely." Solas goes into scholar mode as I like to call it. When he furrows his brows and stops listening to us for a while. I guess he's thinking about the Anchor. Or whether I would rat him out or not. Not exactly on the best of terms right now.

"Wait, so you know how the Breach started? You didn't think to tell us that sooner?"

"Well, duh. When the whole thing started, I couldn't even talk to you guys, then I was busy debating whether I should tell you guys anything about my past. In hindsight, it was kind of stupid, but you guys reacted  _way_ better than I thought you would. Still surprised at how little you want to know about my home. I have a speech planned. Anyways, I know pretty much all the big things that will and have happened. Though I know more about Inquisition than Origins or 2- sorry, the Blight or Kirkwall."

"What  _do_ you know about Kirkwall? You said sometimes it's different." Story time from Varric? Yay!

"Well... a lot of tiny things can be different. I know choices and constants, the differences come from choices. For instance, there are times when you keep the idol, and times where you don't. Times where Bartrand lives, or dies."

Awww, just from that face, he looks like a kicked puppy... "Bartrand could have lived...?"

AWWWWWW. "Varric... if he does, he becomes insane, corrupted. Sometimes, there is no right or wrong. Just choosing the lesser of two evils." I FEEL SO BAD!

"And some things are constant, you said?"

"Hawke always gets cheated from their uncle. Always becomes nobility, and always meets you. Hawke is the only one who will always be human (without mods) and if it's one of mine? Always a sarcastic lil' biscuit. Probably has blue eyes that look a little unnatural too."

"That about sums her up, yeah."

"You could fill me in on the gaps? Like who she sided with and that kind of stuff. Who she got together with?"

"Maybe another time, sweetie."

Awhhhhhh. No story time... Solas pipes up, though. "So you decided to tamper with the Fade and didn't even think to ask me?"

Well, I did, but I thought he would be mad at me... "Not really. But if you can, I have a few questions. Hypothetical for now, but I will eventually test them out."

"Oh? Like what?" Questions? Solas approves. Sorry, I can't help it.

"Okay. So, if I were to open a door to the Fade, the Fade can be shaped, right?"

"Yes...?"

"So, imagine I go there physically. In dreams, say you conjure up a bowl. You hold that bowl in your dream as you wake up, but since it's the Fade, and you're there mentally, you don't wake up with a bowl in your hand. If you were to go there physically, in theory, I could keep the bowl when I leave the Fade. It would be restricted to things I can think up, but if I have a memory of something, I could conjure up a pretty believable replica. Think about it, I could make Fade food. I could have my food again." Yes, this is totally for food, shut up. I could also get my phone, or even my computer! No, that'd need an outlet... scratch that. But I could get my phone. And headphones. 

"Does this truly boil down to your odd cravings?" Yes. Shut up. "I suppose it might work. Though it is just as likely to disappear when you leave the Fade. I don't know what would happen, no one has entered the Fade in millennia at least."

"New stuff then? Sweet." I try to open a tiny rift. Not big enough to drag anything other than, like, a wisp through. Success! A tiny green tear opens in front of me. Just big enough to fit my torso through. I think of a bag of gummy worms, because I used to love those things. I try and eat it, and it works! Hahaha! Now to see if it can be brought back... 

I slowly exit the Fade, and I get a shiver down my spine as I'm halfway out. The last thing out is my left hand. With a bag of gummy worms! This. Is. Awesome! I grin about as big as I'm able to, and may be internally screaming. "It works! What the hell! Aw, this is perfect!"

"Shit, what are those? Worms?"

"Gummy worms. It's a kind of candy from home. I used to eat them all the time. They're pretty cheap, so I could almost always afford them. Try it, promise it isn't a real worm. Just looks like one." I hand him the bag of brightly colored crawlies.

Of course he went for the red and yellow ones, they match his shirt. Not sure if it was on purpose though. "These aren't half bad. A little sour, but also kind of sweet? Never tasted anything like it, that's for sure."

"Intriguing. So not only can you use a memory to get the taste, but once they are brought to the physical world, it becomes permanent? The taste remains, even if the user doesn't know what it is..." Yeah, that is pretty cool.

"Hey! This means if I can imagine other things in a certain way, that becomes permanent and can react accordingly?" cough, wifi, cough, battery life, cough.

"I suppose it would seem so." He has a grin now too! Aw, I can't hate him when he's like this!

"Alright, going back in." This time I imagine my phone with wifi and full battery life. Yes! It works too!

"What is that? Your food gets weirder and weirder."

"Not food, this is... a tool? Kind of? Can't really explain it, but look. I press this button and it lights up." I tap the home button and a picture of me and May shows up, along with the familiar dots of my lock screen, the time, and date according to the Earth's calendar. Apparently, it's been a few weeks back home. I guess time goes by slower here?

"Who is that? The one on the right?"

"That's May, we live together. She kind of has a stick up her ass almost permanently, but we get along pretty well. We lived in the same neighborhood for most of our lives." We couldn't really afford anywhere better, but we always talked about opening up a shop downtown. 'Just a little while longer.' we'd tell ourselves. "We'd always fight, but there was no question. We'd inevitably make up. Had to... Anyways." I swipe the familiar pattern, and my home screen pulls up. I instinctually go to Youtube without explaining anything.

"Shit, it moves, too?" Right.

"Yeah, it responds to touch. It can also show moving pictures with sound, which makes a video. I pull up one of my favorites, before remembering that they can't speak English. I can have fun with this! My mind immediately turns to one of the songs that I listened to years ago. I turn to Solas and speak Elven, "Hey, you can't translate this for them, okay? It's gonna be a joke and they can't know what it says."

A look of confusion is there just for a split second. "As you wish."

I go back to Common. "Okay, I'm going to show you guys a popular song from back home. Alright?"

I pull up the channel that I haven't been to in years, and play [the song](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WteF0j5gYGk). Solas is trying to hold back a laugh thirty seconds into it. Me too, honestly.

"What is he doing on the beach?"

I shush Cassandra. Don't interrupt, Cassie.

It reaches the end, and I try my best to bring up the crocodile tears. "What was that about? What was he saying?" Cassandra looks confused. Good.

"A perfect translation does not exist, well. At least not in Common. But if you must know, well... Picture this: fifty billion rainbows, and the sun is setting, and the moon is setting too. And you're there in a gazebo. Then the Maker descends upon you and gives you a billion gold. Take that feeling, and then put it into a song. I could translate word by word but that'd take too long. And I got stuff to do, Cassie. I don't have time for this. You gotta trust me Cass, this song is freaking brilliant."

"Truly? We have two weeks before we reach Val Royeaux, there's plenty of time to translate." Nooo, you're ruining the joke, Cass.

"That was a truly beautiful song, Danielle. I can confirm, Elven is a language that has a larger vocabulary. There are many words in the song which you have no words for." Solas to the rescue! His lying actually put to a good use.

Cassandra sighs. "Very well. I suppose I shall trust you on this. Is there anything we could understand?" Hehehe. My mind snaps to a video again. I spent too much time on Youtube.

"There is one. It focuses on an instrument you don't have here called the kazoo." I get the same grin I had when I found all the plaidweave.

"I don't like that face..." Varric has good instinct. But I pull up the [next video](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=96RyuJG_Dq4) anyways. Almost instantly, I get everyone's opinion on the kazoo. The main one being it sounds like bees. The Inquisition Needs Beeees!

"That has to have been the longest three minutes of my life." Cassandra, always the Debbie Downer.

"It was like is should be good music, but the instrument ruins it." Varric, why you gotta be so rude?

"Who came up with that?" Good question, Solas. They deserve a pat on the back.

"I can actually look it up for you. I don't know if it can show things I haven't seen, but now would be the perfect time to try."

"What's a Google?"

"You question too much. It's a search engine. It goes through all of the internet and when you look something up, instead of searching through books, it does that for you and brings the information to you." I type in 'Who made the kazoo?' and read out the results for the others.

"The kazoo was designed by a man named Alabama Vest and made by Thaddeus Von Clegg in the 1840's. Huh. The more you know." With that, I pocket my phone and we continue the ride to Val Royeaux.


	10. Things and Music

She's sitting in the corner alone again. Everyone is going about their business, but She doesn't remember their faces or conversation. When She tries to listen, She gets mad and mentally calls them idiots. So She stays in her corner, where She may be alone, but at least She doesn't have to talk to the others. A copper hand appears from the crowd. "You know, it's a party! You're allowed to have fun!" Her friend used to have such a nice smile. "Please, only you can even compare to my intellect." She smirks and brings a hand to Her chest to seem almighty. With a DS in Her other hand and Her knees drawn to Her chest, She doesn't look too impressive. "Fine, We could play hide and seek." She liked that game, it was easy because She was so tiny. "But you always win! Can't we play tag for once?" Her friend was always sportier than Her. She didn't want to run around, She just wanted to hide. "May, I don't wanna play tag..." She whined because it worked. Her friend was upset. She didn't get upset as a child. "You never want to do anything. You lock yourself up because you're too  **proud** to associate with the lesser folk. Too  **proud** to admit you're even weaker than them. Too weak for even a simple game." Her friend's voice grew lower and lower, as Her friend grew taller and spikier. This wasn't real. "You're a pride spirit." She had gotten better at telling the spirits apart from simple dream versions of her friend. They never got her. " **Of course not. You are the Herald. You _pride_ yourself on your intelligence."** She looked at the spirit with no fear. "Of course I do. You're too proud too. You and I are the same. But that doesn't mean I'm going to let you out." She just wants a peaceful night's sleep. "Good morning." With a smile and a wave, She wakes up.

I rise out of my bedroll and reach for my phone. 5 A.M.. Might as well wake up. Cassandra is on Last Watch, so she's outside by the fire when I leave the tent. "Awake already?"

I rub my eyes and yawn. "Yeah. More odd dreams." Can't just tell the Seeker 'Hey, I dream about spirits every night. Swear I'm not possessed even though I have no training on warding them off!' 

"You can always tell me, you know?" No, I just explained why I can't.

"Yeah. It was a friend from home. She got on me for always being alone. She said... something about being too smart. Then everything went dark, and it was just me. Not anything bad, just a little unsettling." It wasn't a lie. Just not the whole truth.

"I see. You could go back to sleep if you want, we still have a while before sunrise."

"Nah. I think I'll just go for a walk."

"I wouldn't advise that." Right. Not like home, I can't just walk around the block and clear my head. There is no block, and a bunch of dangerous things that want me for dinner or just dead.

"Fine." A yawn. "I guess I could just listen to my music, then." I pull my earbuds from the Fade and plug them into my phone.

"What are those for?" She stares at the wires curiously.

"Remember how my phone makes noise? This makes it so only I can hear it. Better for situations like this. I would say 'Or when it's dirty', but you guys wouldn't even understand what it says, so no threat there." I pull up my music and play a random song. Of course it would be "[This is War](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hMAVLXk9QWA)", because nothing says early morning in Thedas like some rock song about war.

I start mouthing the words along and pump my fists to the beat during the chorus. "What are you doing?"

I sing along quietly in English "It's a brave new world. I do believe in the light. Raise your hands into the sky. The fight is done, the war is won.- Oh." Reflexes, I'm used to being alone. "Sorry, I was singing along."

"It seems very different from the last ones you had shown. More aggressive?"

"Yes. It's actually kind of fitting to our situation, when you think about it." I begin to translate some of the lyrics for her. "See, the martyr would be the Divine, the victim Thedas. The prophet would be me. The liar could be multiple people, the honest could too. The leader and Pariah could be either of us or even Leliana. The victor and messiah would also probably me though. See?"

"Yes, I suppose it does make sense." She pauses in thought. "Would you tell me more of your home?"

"What? What do you mean?" I'm a little shocked. That came out of the blue.

She gives a soft laugh. "What happened to the speech you had planned? Or was that bluster?" Oh, right. I guess I did prompt them to ask yesterday.

"Right. Sorry. It's just you were honestly the last person I'd expect to ask. I figured it'd be Varric or Solas. ahem. Well, back home, there is no magic or mages. Spirits and demons are mostly stories you would tell to bewilder or scare. There are no elves or qunari, and dwarves are just humans born differently, instead of their own species. We have a bunch of machines like this that use refined lightning, of a sort, to power everything. From lights, to tools, to stoves, even stairs."

"Y-you  _power_ stairs?" That was what got her? Not the lack of mages or elves, no. Escalators. Sigh.

"Yeah. You just get on a step, and it takes you up or down on it's own. No climbing, just- here, look." I draw a basic sketch of an escalator in the dirt with a stick. "See, it has a bunch of steps in a circle, so as the electricity makes this part move, you get on here and it moves for you. See?"

She is mesmerized. By escalators. Just to clear things up. Escalators. "How do you think of these things?"

I stifle a laugh. "Really? Mostly around the lines of 'Hey, this thing is hard to do. How can we do that with as little work as possible?' A lot of people are lucky and can go their entire lives without once having to do any manual labor."

"Truly? How do you not starve or get attacked and wiped out?"

"Well, we learned how to farm faster and get the most out of it. Only 2 out of 100 people in my country are actual farmers. And we are at the top of the food chain. We don't have giants or dragons attacking us. The only thing we have to fear is other people. And sharks. But even that isn't too common."

"A world where no one has to fight...?" She gives me a hopeful look.

"Well, we still fight. There are still bad people. We just fight for things other than survival. Usually about religion or money." 

She gives me a startled look "You have Exalted Marches frequently back home?"

"What? No, no. Well, they aren't called Exalted Marches at least... Heh. One organization that fought for their religion was actually called the Inquisition. No one expected them." I smirk at my joke. But Cassandra stares at me blankly. "It's so hard when half of your jokes are pop culture references and you are surrounded by a different culture. No one understands."


	11. Things and French Toast

The rest of the ride to Val Royeaux was pretty uneventful. Since we stuck to main roads, nothing attacked us or anything. And so here we are outside the city of snooties. Nobles gasping as we walk past.

"I think they know who we are, Seeker." Yup. This stuff. I know what happens so I zone out and straighten my outfit. I didn't put the gown on yet, instead I'm just wearing the Inquisitorial Jammies.

Mother Hevara begins her spiel. "Good people of Val Royeaux, hear me. Together we mourn our Divine. Her naïve and beautiful heart silenced by treachery. You wonder what will become of her murderer. Well, wonder no more." There are a few melodramatic gasps for effect. "Behold, the so called Herald of Andraste. Claiming to rise where our Beloved fell. We say this is a false prophet! No servant of anything beyond her selfish greed!" Of course...

"I make no claim to be your prophet. However, I can say with certainty, it is the Inquisition helping the refugees of Haven. You focus more on rumor than you do the starving refugees on your doorstep? I didn't come here to argue or smear names. I need help, so we can return things to normal, so people can have a life without fear of the Breach. You are a woman of Faith, in a time surrounded by doubt, and I understand that. But unless we come to some agreement here, we will get nowhere."

"It is true, the Inquisition only wishes to help, before it is too late." Way to bring the moment together Cass...

"It is already too late. The Templars have returned to the Chantry to deal with this 'Inquisition' so the people can be safe once more." Lord Seeker Lucius is even creepier in real life... THWACK.

"Still yourself. She is beneath us."

I got mad... "So, the Templars finally return home. And this is what you've become? Punching a Mother mid-speech. Tsk tsk, that's low. Even considering the incident at Kirkwall."

"Sunshine, don't egg them on..."

"No. You know what? No! If no one else is going to point out the corruption, then I will. I can guarantee there are good men in that group. But the 'man' in charge? Don't make me laugh. Templars, we simply came here for help to close the Breach. If any of you feel like you're better off trying to do something good, Cullen can help you get settled in. I'd be happy to have you." I give a flourished bow.

"You have proven nothing. And your inquisition, less than nothing."

I take a breath to calm myself. "That's because I have nothing to prove to the likes of you. Actions speak louder than any words, Lodrd Seeker. This won't be the last we meet." And with that, the crowd begins to dissipate. 

"Has Lord Seeker Lucius gone mad?"

"Worse. I don't know if that was truly him, but if it isn't, then I just yelled down a demon. We'll need men to take care of Therinfal Redoubt. It's where they're holed up. Salvage as many good men as you can, but the Order as a whole is beyond our help, I'm afraid."

"You must be joking... Right?"

"Nope." An arrow with a message. Right on cue. And the messenger with the invitation.

After recruiting Belle, finding the handkerchiefs is especially easy since I don't have to use that ping thing... On the way out Fiona stops us and invites us to Redcliffe.

We make our way to the courtyard where we meet Sera. "Herald of Andraste! How much did you expend to discover me? It must have weakened the Inquisition immeasurably."

"Still a cliché, I see. Some things never change I suppose."

The sound of an arrow being notched "Just say 'what'."

"What is the mean-" 

"Ugh! Squishy one, but you heard me, right? Just say what. Rich tits always try for more than they deserve... Blah blah " squish "Blah! Obey me, arrow in my face. Well, you followed the notes well enough. Glad to see you're... You're kind of plain really. All that talk, and then you're just a person?"

"Well... Not quite just a person. But close enough."

"I mean, it's all good innit? The important thing is you glow? You're the herald thingy?"

"That's me. I glow. What's going on?"

"No idea. I dunno this idiot from manners. My people just said the Inquisition should look at him."

"The friends of Red Jenny."

"You know us? I mean, that makes this a helluva lot easier, great!"

"Know you? For a while, I wanted to be with you. For a long while I was." I glance back to the others and see if they got the hint. Think they did, if Cass's face is any indication.

"Well, guess the tables turned, yeah? Think I could join you?"

"Of course! Welcome aboard Sera!" Wait...

"I never told you my name, how did you...?"

"Yeah, getting this out of the way. I already know you, and kind of know the future. Though last time I met you, I was a qunari. We had fun times. We may have ended up married? At the very least dating." I pull out my phone and bring it up to one of the pictures of Sera and my Adaar together as proof. "That's me."

"And people think I'm crazy..."

"You get used to it after a while, promise." Varric gives her a pat on the arm as a comfort.

"Oh! And we have one more stop to make before we head back to Haven. I'm going to a salon. Gonna be bringing one of them with us. If I let you mess with the others, can you promise to play nice?"

"What? Fine. But it better be good."

"Promise."

A day passes, and I get ready for the salon.I don't have a mask, so instead I styled my bangs to cover one eye and still keep a slight curl to it. That paired with my updo looks pretty damn classy all in all. Time to show off my Game.

"Lady Cooper, of the Inquisition." I can see many heads already turned to me. Good, let them see what I can do.

"What a pleasure to meet you, my lady. Seeing the same faces at every event becomes quite tiresome." I tilt my head slightly.

"I'm afraid to say, with all of these masks, I can't quite tell the difference. Apologies, ser." I try my best to seem nervous. Let them think me weak. A wolf in sheep's clothing.

"Are you here on business, then? I have heard the most curious of tales, I cannot imagine half of them are true."

"They exaggerate a bit, but only for the best effect my lady."

Marquis Something or other comes down the stairs "The Inquisition. Pah! What a load of pig shit. It's just a bunch of political outcasts seeking for more power."

"Is that so, Marquis? But I had heard you were to be a part of the Grand Tourney. You had borrowed your Aunt Solange's doublet for the occasion if I remember correctly. The chevaliers left quite a while ago, and yet you remain here. Such a shame. I'm afraid if you wish to intimidate me, you must try harder, ser. I've dealt with worse insults as a child. Ser, if anyone here is a political outcast here, I believe it would be you."

"Why you little...!" His hand freezes around the hilt of his sword.

"My dear marquis... How unkind of you to use such language in my house, to my guests. You know such rudeness is intolerable."

"Madame Vivienne! I-I humbly beg your pardon!"

"You should. Whatever am I going to do with you my dear? My lady, you're the wounded party in all of this, what shall you have me do with this foolish, foolish man?"

"I believe he has already been ruined. Anything more would simply be formality. Leave him be."

"By the grace of Andraste you have your life. Do be more grateful of it."

The ice cracks away to leave him coughing and running away like a scared piglet.

"I'm delighted you could attend this little gathering, I've so wanted to meet with you. Let us go somewhere more private and continue this conversation, shall we?"

"Of course." She leads me to the moonlit hallway. 

"That was quite impressive, my lady. But allow me to introduce myself. I am Vivienne. First Enchanter of Monsimard, and Enchantress to the Imperial court."

"Of course, you, my lady, are a woman who needs no introduction. Tell me, how is Duke Bastien? Last I heard he was rather ill, poor thing."

"Indeed. My poor Bastien isn't doing too well. But I digress, as the leader of the last loyal mages, I feel it only tight to offer you my aid."

"And would this alliance be Madame de Fer, or more personal?"

"Aren't you charming? Business of course."

"We welcome your assistance, lady Vivienne. We shall depart for Haven tomorrow, but for tonight, I believe there is still a party to be had."


	12. Things and Momming

Two days in... Two. Days. In. And Sera has already established Vivienne's and Solas' disapproval. Both of them asked me something along the lines of 'Are you keeping her' this morning. It's currently 2, and I have had to deal with this all day.

"Wot? I thought you were too fancy for all this dirt." Ugh...

I turn back and turn on my Herald voice "I swear to whatever god can hear me right now, you will play nice, or I will turn this car around and make you kiss and hug. Got it?" Yeah. I had three sisters, I have perfected the art of Momming people.

"Yes, mum." Sear acted very similarly to baby Dani. I couldn't really get mad at her without being a hypocrite. 

I mutter to myself in English "God damn. This is why I never wanted children. They're me, but little. Or in this case, immature."

"Wait, no one told me she spoke like an Elfy Elf."

"Yeah. It means no one can hear what I say. For all you know, I could have praised you. Or called you names. You'll never know." I switch back "and I'm gonna keep it that way."

"That's no fair! Who put you in charge?"

Hehe. "I'll have you know, I am the one with the glow hand. Do YOU have a glow hand?" I sound super cheesily entitled.

"No, but I don't need one..."

"Can YOU make stuff from thin air? Thought not. But check this." I use my new rift trick to bring a plate of nachos through. Mmm delicious.

"What are those? How the hell'd you do that?"

"I dunno, Sera. Just a lil something that makes me three times as awesome. Here, try some. 'S chips and cheese. Other stuff too if you want it." I grab a few more to show it's fine and she tentatively eats a few.  

"Freaky. But I guess it's pretty okay..." Achievement get: Humble Sera?

"Anyways, I won't tell you what to do. Just don't fight each other. Have you two never had siblings? You learn how to get away with that shit. Life skills, arguing without bothering the parents. Learn it, please."

Sera scoffs and I can feel the eye rolls. "Yes, mum..."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Gets the ability to make ANYTHING she wants a reality. Uses it almost exclusively for food. Keeps things balanced.


	13. Things and Mages

Sera took my words to heart apparently. I haven't heard her fighting since. The rest of the ride back to Haven was actually... fairly pleasant. "Can I trust Sera isn't quiet because she offed the others?" I say without turning back to look.

"Not yet, Mum." I guess I just adopted a Sera. Sweet.

"Hey, I know your story, it's totally legal for me to adopt you. Think before you speak."

She starts saying something, but thinks better and simply responds with a very grudging "Tit."

"Two, actually. And they're quite lovely, thank you very much!" I puff up my chest a bit to further prove my point.

"Oh, I've noticed, yeah?" I leave it at that. I mean, Lavellan was always a tiny bit of a flirt, but now I only really would feel safe doing so with Dorian. Him and Cassandra are the only ones I'm certain wouldn't reciprocate, and Cass would probably bite my ear off. That sounds really strange, what the hell, brain? She does disapprove if you flirt with her too much, though.

Finally! Back to Haven! Sometimes I forget just how much I miss Haven on the road... Oh. Right. Can't get too comfy. Eugh... Once I ally with the mages, there'll be nothing stopping everyone from closing the Breach. In your heart shall burn. Suddenly, I really don't want to check in on the advisors.

"I-I'm just gonna get to bed early tonight. Lots of travel, you know?" Very convincing..

"Hey, Sunshine, you okay there?"

"Yup. Nah, I'm- I am perfectly fine, Varric. Good night." I slam the door to my cabin, leaving no room for conversation.

So. Dozens of people are going to die on my hands. Great. Just peachy. And I can't do anything to stop it either. No, this is perfect. Some of those people know I know what will happen. Awesome. They will no doubt question my leadership before I even get it, because I withheld vital information. Fan-fucking-tastic! Nope. Not dealing with this shit today. Future Danielle's problem. I still have to worry about Redcliffe. And before that, Blackwall and the Iron Bull.

So, as any sane person would do, I start to sing. Well, I had forgotten all the words, so really, I was just vocalizing. It was the song from the Hobbit. Misty Mountains. I tried my hardest to simply focus on the notes. The story that went behind it. I had curled up and sang for at least twenty minutes before the fear had passed. I always sang when shit got scary. It forced me to keep me from hyperventilating and from focusing on the bad. I was fine.

I emerge from my cabin to gind quite a few people looking my way. Right, no privacy among wooden cabins. I can feel the heat on the back of my neck and try to escape. But, to no avail. Varric flags me down first. "Hey, you seem better. What was that?" Shit.

"Well... I told you I sang. I- I just needed a distraction is all." I suddenly felt like all eyes were on me. For all intents and purposes, they were.

"I sing too, but you never said you were good. Maybe you should distract yourself more often, you give Maryden a run for her money."

"No." I glare at him for a second, but I can't stay mad at him. "Shit, there's a reason I sing alone. Do you guys have a concept of Stage Fright here?"

"Really? You?" Ugh. Really. Me. Random girl who until a few months ago, was absolutely insignificant and unused to any kind of attention.

"Shut up... I gotta go. Later, Varric." I give a little huff for good measure and head to the Chantry. Aaand the Sisters are staring at me. Great. I guess all of Haven now knows their Herald sings. Peachy.

When I enter the Chantry, all of the advisors are arguing about who to ally with. I close my eyes and count to twenty before they stop. "Are you quite done yet? Both have pros and cons, and both could lead to sucess. Personally I lean towards mages, and Cullen, I swear to the Maker if you interrupt me what little patience I have left will be gone. Yes, both have dangers. But the mages are already a unit. The Templars are divided and corrupted. They are quite literally one of the main enemies. I have offered help to any qho may wish to escape that, but I can't ally with the order as a whole. Not without disolving it. The mages acted out of desperation. Any doubts in their loyalty are fixed easily once you remember they have little choice besides us." At least everyone shut up.

"So, I take it we should prepare for your arrival at Redcliffe?"

"Yes, thank you Josie. That would be lovely. But first, I should also see to the Grey Warden in the Hinterlands. There will also be a quick trip to the Storm Coast. Both shall give me two new recruits. I'll go to the Storm Coast first, since the Warden is fairly close to Redcliffe."

"Very well, Herald." She bows, and after talking to Krem de la Creme, I head off to get to work. Again.


	14. Things and Doctors

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Dooweedoooooo

Iron Bull and Blackwall weren't much unlike the game counterparts. Well, the recruitment of them at least. Since I was heading straight to Redcliffe, I had the two warriors head to Haven without me. But for now, it's nightfall, so we're camping a little bit south of town. Since Josie arranged for six people instead of four, I get a whole tent to myself! So does Cass, because she deserves a break.

She wakes up from Her cat nap. Another night of binge playing. She makes Herself some of the tea She had gotten for Christmas, chai. Once satisfied with how hot it is, She sits back down and snuggles into the blankets on the futon. May as well finish what She started. She had dozed off outside of the war room, prepared to face Corypheus. A feeling in the back of Her head told Her She was being watched. One last check, and still no wicked grace with Varric. "Ughh... I just want to hear about the rabbit." She reluctantly heads to face Corypheus head on, one last time. She brings Her main trio, Sera, Iron Bull, and after mulling it over, chose Solas over Dorian. "You're still a jerk." She justified to no one in particular. She decided to still be a smart ass to the end. "You talk too much, Coryphenus." She had picked up mispronouncing his name after romancing Sera, and from there it just stuck. The fight was a little underwhelming this time, She was used to being a few levels too low during the fight, but had gone to level 19 for the Jaws of Hakkon dlc and the flower crown. That god damn flower crown. It was now the final time Lavellan would ever see Solas. "It was never supposed to be this way. Know that what we had was real." She wanted to believe him. But in the end,  _he_ wasn't real. How could the soft spot for him be real? "Even now, I can't bring myself to hate you, you stupid asshole. Friggin' prick." She gave the screen a humorless laugh. "May the Dread Wolf take you." She reasoned, She had just told him to go screw himself. She did Her best to not get watery-eyed during the after-party, even went so far as to choose the guarded option for Leliana's prompt. She had a pretty good time, but he was missing. She went to check on the mural; She never could figure out just what it was supposed to be. Then, She went up to Her quarters. She hadn't supported anyone especially for Divine, apparently Cassandra was the default. Then the epilogue. Just because She could, she had said every line along with the remainder of the Pantheon. A stifled gasp. It wasn't Hers.

"Solas?! What the hell are you doing here?" He was in my dream?! How much did he see?!

"is that how this all plays out, then? My orb... broken? Mythal dead, again?" God dammit.

"Hey. Every damn time you come into my dreams, it ends up awful. I thought you'd eventually get the hint and leave my subconsciousness alone!"

"Answer. The. Question." Damn he can be scary...

"Fine. Yes, that was the end of the game. Final battle and all. Shit... THIS RIGHT HERE. This is why I don't want you snooping in my dreams! I get it, dream snoopery is your thing. But there really are things you don't want to see. Promise." Fucking Fade Nerd.

"This is why you refuse to speak with me more than necessary, then?" What?

"No. Well, kind of. Dude, you made me cry. Twice. By something I KNEW was coming. Damn, you wanted me to stop loving you, I got the message. I stopped. Asshole. I don't see why you're torn up about it, to be honest. Not like I've made myself likable." On purpose, too.

"I don't care about that. You knew I murder Mythal, and you have no grudge against me for it?" Oh, yeah... That does make more sense.

"Well, I read the dev notes. Mythal was totally fine with it, she even expected you to come. I may think you're a pretentious asshole, but I can't deny, you have a good end-goal. Power to the People, I get it. Now, before you open your mouth and turn this conversation south, as is inevitable, I'm gonna just wake up."

I wake up sprawled across several blankets, with a tiny bit of drool in my hair. Gross. It was the day to go to the mages though. She dawned her usual green outfit, and headed outside. Apparently, she had slept in, because everyone else was packing up. Basically the only things left were Solas' blankets and my tent. They had gone around the mage while he slept, he wasn't much of a morning person. "Hey, Sera."

"You up, finally? What is it?" She was next to her horse, holding a pile of blankets.

"Shit, I forgot. Hate when that happens to me." My mind usually goes a mile a minute, I don't always remember my train of thought. If you couldn't tell. "Oh! Right! I want a mabari. Know where I could get one?"

"How should I know something like that?"

"I dunno. Still waking up. Mind works, but I don't always know how." I squint my eyes and pull a face to emphasize this. "Anyways, you know where I could get one? Already got a name for them."

"Them? You want more than one? And I jus said, I don't know where you'd find one. Is it cause I'm Fereldan? Cause that's racist."

"I dunno. A mabari army would be pretty badass... And it might be. I don't know. It might also be you were the first one I saw out here." I stretch and get a wave of lightheadedness. Guh, I hate that.

So, we get to Redcliffe, shit happens, you know. I find Alexius to be super creepy. Like, all of the villains so far are much worse than the game shows them. Alexius looks like someone who'd be banned from Walmart. Yeah. That takes a shit ton of effort. Felix falls over, and we head to the Chantry. Shit happens, and Dorian was as rad as ever. There was no going to Haven in between, since I knew what I had to do, and no arbitrary, 'you need this much power to do shit' system. I send an update to Haven, though so they know what has happened. So now, I stand outside of Redcliffe Windmill with Sera, Dorian, and Solas. I had sent Cassie back to Haven with the report since I didn't need a warrior for this. Two mages and two rogues was perfect. 

Alexius does his whole villain monologue, and I was a smartass. If only to appease the beautiful mustache. So perfect, so elegant, so much sass. And then, everything changed, when the time rift attacked.

"Hey... Dori, wake up. Mr. Mustache, hop to it." The soldiers weren't here, and Dorian was knocked out. I figured, I may as well snap him out of it with something fitting... "DOOWEEDOOOOOOOOOODOOOBEEDOOOOO. BAHNAHNAH BUH BADAAAAAAAAA. BUH DUN DUUUUUUUUUUUN BAH BUH BUHHHHNH-" A tan hand finds its way onto my mouth. Success.

"Maker, woman, are you trying to tell everyone and their mother where we are?" He had woken up after the first syllable, and gotten a look around while he tried to process everything.

"Actually, yes. The door is locked, we need to get attention, so we can off the guards and grab the keys." Yeah, surprise, surprise, Dani actually had a plan.

"What was that?"

"Time traveller's anthem."

"What-? You mean...?"

"Welcome to the future. One year in advance, without me to save the day." I help him up as two guards come in.

"Blood of the Elder One, when did they get here?" The goons were taken care of quickly, and I go straight for the companions. I had done this enough times to pretty much memorize the place, granted for a castle, it was kind of linear.

And of course, the first one I see would have to be them... Perfect.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I have a basic sketch of Danielle for those interested? Let me know if you guys would want to see it, or would rather guess as to what she looks like.


	15. Things get Real

I found Fiona first. Shame, I was trying for the crew. "Hey, so. I know you're dying, but there's a question I seriously have to ask."

She grits her teeth and wheezes out a "what?"

"Are you Alistair's mom?" The game always glosses over it and I just need some confirmation. 

"I-I don't see how... that would be... important." She gasps for breath between pauses.

Of course it's important! "I can't help you but you could at least try and be cooperative here. Sorry, that's insensitive, but this ends up not happeing and I just really want to know!" In hindsight, yeah. Total dick move, Danielle.

The sound of crackling and rubble falling comes from upstairs. "There's... No time. Hurry!" God dammit!

We manage to convince Sera I'm not a demon, and then it comes to Solas. "Lethallin! You're alive!" At least I was upgraded from child when I died. We explained the basics of what happened to him. "They murdered the Empress with a demon army. They-" He glances towards Dorian and looks like he's making a decision. "The Elder One took over your home too."

"WHAT?! H-how?!" Oh my god, what the actual fuck.

"He used the Breach. He knows. He got ahold of your home's weapons. The ones you had shown me. You must stop him." 

I can feel my face blanch. Corypheus got ahold of nukes. That can't be good for anyone. "When?"

"He used them a month ago. I don't know how long he looked into it, I'm sorry. So, so sorry... I-it was my fault." Shit. Awh. 

"Sorry, anyone care to fill in the new guy?" Dorian popped his  head into the conversation. 

"I'll fill you in later, just know that this is very very bad." After that, I just make a mad dash for Alexius. I go through the motions as fast as possible. Leliana, shards, door, boss fight. I refuse to let this world happen. How could he even get a nuke? Shit shit shit! I'm to preoccupied to notice all the death around me until a hand grabs my shoulder. 

"Come on!" Dorian and I jump through the portal and land in front of Alexius.

"Alexius, you and I are both done here. Fiona, you and I have business to discuss in 3. 2." Royal guards flood the hall as King Alistair approaches. I try and hold in my stupid grin, but it fails miserably. Alistair, my baby! I scream internally.

"Grand Enchanter. Imagine how surprised I was to learn you'd given Redcliffe Castle to a Tevinter Magister. Especially since I'm fairly sure Redcliffe Castle belongs to Arl Teagan." 

"King Alistair, can I just... point something out?" I try my very hardest not to sound as giddy as I am. "You know, before you go scolding and banishing, we would be more than happy to take them off your hands? No, wait. That's a bad way to put it... We came here for help from the mages. We take them with us, and poof, you can make it look like exhile for punishment. The nobles are satisfied, and the mages are left in good hands. Win win."

"You sound much less intimidated by my title than most, who are you?" Someone who knows you are a virgin... ahem.

"I am Danielle, ser. We never directly met, but you and the Warden had helped my little brother in Lothering. I had left town to visit family when the whole Blight started, and when I could finally come home, my brother was beaming how the Hero and the King had stopped to talk him." God I hope she actually did stop to talk him. Total bluff.

"Ah. I remember him. Well, I suppose your deal is the best one we can get."

"So what will happen to us?"

"Pffft. You are welcome to the Inquisition as allies. If anyone gives you flack for anything, you come to me. Seriously, I'm on your side."

She looks stunned, but also pretty damn happy. Think I just made her day."Thank you, Herald. I promise we will do our best." Yeah!


	16. Things and Brooding

I'll be the first to admit, I'm totally stalling. I don't want to lose Haven, I like it here. And I'm trying to worm my way to getting as few people killed. But if the attack doesn't happen at all, then I don't know what would be next. And that makes me sound like a fucking asshole... But shit, that's one of my few advantages. Future vision, Insta food and pretty good archery skills. I like to think I'm a good leader, but at the same time, back home I'm not even legally allowed to have alcohol. And Corypheus might get nukes! Jesus, I can't think of anything worse! Well... No, I actually can't.

"Y'alright there, Your Heraldness?" 

Oh, I guess I have been brooding. Not usually a good sign. "Yeah, just. Redcliffe freaked me out. Hey, we could go out and just look for shit?" Please say yes...

Solas pipes up from the back. "There are still Elven Artifacts we have yet to activate in the area, but we have the manpower necessary to close the Breach. Should we not make that our top priority?" Ugh. I thought he was giving me a scape goat for a second.

I deflate a little. "Yeah. Good point, hahren." Pulled out the old man card just to let him know something's up. I can only hope he picked up on it.

"There you go with the elfy dealies. You're human and you know more about elves than most elves! Weird, that."

"I like elves. You guys are rad. Don't have elves back home, they're just fairy tales. Most of the time they're seen as better than humans. Like the Elvhen, but still around. Immortal, graceful, and for whatever reason, usually blond. You know what that means, Sera?" I beam at her expectantly.

"What?" She looks a little guarded, good.

"You're already a whole third elfy! Puts you up to officially more elfy than me." She looks like she wants to kill me. 

"Shut it,you. How do I know you're even tellin' the truth?"

"You don't. Guess you'll just have to take my word for it. And the internet says so." Right, she wouldn't get that. God, pop culture references, lost on these people... "Ok, once the whole Breach thing is solved, I'm totally starting a movie night."

"Wussat?" I got everyone's attention, yes...

"A movie is short for moving pictures. So, say you have a bunch of pieces of little papers. You draw a ball in a slightly different spot on each page, then flip them really fast. It looks like it's moving. That's the most basic form, though. Back home, we've been able to add effects, sound, even have entire movies made by machines. They tell stories, like a lost princess, a grand quest, or the increasingly popular plot of the end of the world."

"Wait, so people where you're from watch the world end for fun?" Dorian looks positively aghast!

"Well, yeah. It's a big thing back home. Hell, this story is really popular back home. The almost end of the world, where one unfortunate hero ends up beating all odds.And lays a few people along the way. Doesn't sound too bad, does it?"

"Are you certain that is how this story shall end?" Aw, Solas looks sad, but also kind of like he's ready to stab somebody...

"Well... Ideally. I know all the stuff that has to happen for us to get there, but... It won't all be pleasant. Thing is, if I fix the bad stuff, then I stop knowing the story. My advantage is poof, gone. And I'm not even sure how much I can change things without screwing everything up. I mean, I'm not going to put thousands of lives at risk if it means possibly losing..." Haven has to happen. 

"Shite, is that what you were moping about?"

"Yeah. When the party starts, please, just... try to keep as many people as you can from getting too drunk?"


	17. Things and Stalling

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Campfire talks are always fun!

"And what did you call this meal, my dear?"

"This, Lady Vivienne, is ramen. The food of scholars." More like college students, but hey, she doesn't need to know that.

"It just looks like a bunch of noodles and broth. If I eat it will it make me like Solas?" Sera holds her bowl up apprehensively.

"Nah. Most of the ones who eat this back home are more like you when they aren't being all scholarly. Alcohol and mischief!" I slurp up some of the noodles while Viv gives me a dissaproving look.

"You eat like a savage. Don't make so much noise, it's rude."

"Well, with this kind of dish, it would be rude not to. Well, there's a myth that if you bite on a noodle before it's all the way in, it cuts down part of your life. And you slurp with the broth to show you're satisfied with the meal to your host. On top of that, I don't like the word savage. Reminds me of Pocahontas. Like the Dalish. They aren't savages mostly. Just different. Nothin' wrong with that." I down the rest of my noodles and slurp up the broth straight from the bowl.

"Seriously, what is it with you and elves. 'S like you want to be one."

"Cause back home there aren't any. And I feel like we've had this conversation before. Oh, right. Every time I mention them. Also like the qunari, scary, but still pretty rad."

Iron Bull saunters over with some kind of alcohol or another. "You too, Boss."

"Aww, you're jus' saying that to get on my good side. Or to get in my pants. Saying this now, Bull. You don't fit any of my kinks."

Sera and Bull get that devious look. "Mk, so what are they, then? Gotta be something."

"C'mon. Haven't even had any drinks, can't weasel that outta me yet. Don't think you want to know anyways. No one could actually carry it out yet, I'll just stick to my usual provider."

"Wait, what? What d'ya mean provider?"

I start laughing and shake my phone in the air. "The internet, Sera. Good for anything." I lean in a little bit so the soldiers can't hear me. "Even for your porn. Most people don't think it's very ladylike, but hell. Not like I actually want to screw anybody. I just see it as a way to pass the time."

"What? You mean you don't bump bits with anyone? Like, ever?"

"Nah. Ace. Never have, probably never will. Don't hear me complaining though. Not like I'd know what to do anyways. Never dated anyone before."

"Really, boss? You never had a lover? Had to have had a crush or two as a young one, though, right?"

"Well, obviously. Just too shy to ever do anything about it. 'Sides, I was infamous back home. This one time, a girl came up to me in class, and I had a muscle spasm, or reflex, something. Anyways, accidentally punched the girl in the face, think I chipped a tooth, and after got sent to the office. After that, everyone thought I was leaning towards the loony side. Didn't help that when I got in fist fights, I never did play fair. I'd go straight for the junk or the hair, and if they ever got anywhere near my mouth, I'd bite them. My molars are killer. This other time, I jabbed a dude with a piece of lead, it got stuck in his shoulder. I was aiming for the jugular, but he kept squirming..." It was at this point I noticed everyone looking at me funny.

"Shit, remind me to never get on your bad side, boss..."

"Eh. Dude, I lived in the south end. You either fought, of got beaten up. If not worse. I'd hear the cops at least twice a week, if things were calm. I had an Obama phone for months, not that you'd know what that was, and it took me a year almost to get a decent computer. Just cause home had better tech, doesn't mean it was all sunshine and rainbows. Shit, if I was one of the folks from a better city, I probably would have flipped out over shit like my first kill, or lack of toothbrushes. Kind of lucky my life was shit there."

"So you were a commoner before you came to Thedas?" Vivienne joins us again after the odd tangent.

"Mmm... If I had to compare it to anything, it'd be closer to a city elf. Slum-dweller. Possibly even akin to a bandit during the rough patches."

"For a peasant, you play the game very well." What? A compliment from Lady Snooty?

"Thanks. I can look rich when I want to. Got me through high school, mostly. Didn't actually finish." I didn't drop out, I was just a little busy being thrust into a video game. Probably would have been graduated by now. I let out a yawn. "Welp. This was fun, but I think I'm going to bed. Night, guys.


	18. Things and Do You Even Read These?

I'm sitting cross-legged on the ground of the makeshift war room, leaning against one of the table legs, when I decide what to do about the attack. "Guys? We should set up an escape route."

Suddenly everyone's eyes are on me, but it's Leliana who speaks up. "Why is that? We're much more powerful than before, and even when we started out, no one attacked us."

"And that's exactly it. We have an enemy out there who has been biding their time. One who, if you remember, ripped a hole in the sky. This town isn't defensible against that. So, logically, we would need a way out."

Cullen decides to join in. "There's only through the front gates, there is no other way."

"Yes there is. Two. One for you guys, and one for me. An old mineshaft that leads to a mountain valley, which, if you could put some supplies for warmth, that would be grand. And for the rest of the folks here, the Chancellor knows an old path pilgrims would take. If the time comes, you guys can use that."

Leliana looks at me thoughtfully. "You say if, but since it's you, you mean when, I take it?"

I sigh loud enough for them to hear it. "Leliana. Things are gonna have to get worse before they get better. Even you know that this has been way too easy for us. Life likes to fling shit at you when you're close to the top. I'm just trying to make sure that if it happens, we're as prepared as we can be without screwing shit up even more."

Cullen adds an "Is that all, then?" And we decide to finally close the Breach.

The next day is one of the most cathartic times in my life. Shit, would you feel good knowing the town you love will be buried ashes in a few hours? Around 5 in the afternoon is when we actually close the Breach. The whole process actually took about 7 minutes, the game glossed over that part though.

When we return, everyone's partying, but a few of the soldiers and citizens are staying sober. I suppose the crew got through to them, so that's good. Cassandra joins me near the requisition tent. "You look troubled."

I give her a humorless laugh. "Yeah. Knowledge like mine isn't always easy. It'll be soon, now."

She gives me a confused and worried look. "What will?"

"...Sorry." The bells begin to ring, signalling an attack. Cassandra's eyes go wide as she rushes to the Commander. I join her, and soon the other members of the circle follow.

"So this is what you meant?" I can barely hear him over the bells.

"I'm so sorry! This has to happen! I can tell you what we're up against?"

Scribbles pipes up. "But they have no banner!"

"Templars, corrupted by red lyrium. Led by Corypheus."

Varric had just joined us. "What?! That can't be true! Now's not the time to joke around!"

I give him my most determined look. "I'm not. And, he has a dragon." I turn to the Commander. "Get all the trebuchets pointed to the mountain." Then to Josephine. "Get all the citizens through the pilgrim's path." Then to Leliana. "You can either help me or Josie, but I'm heading out, so choose now. I need Dorian, Sera, and Bull! You guys are with me! Everyone else, go with Cullen or Josie! And someone let Cole in, please! Don't turn him away, and that's a direct order from me!" With that, I head out.

Leliana joins my side. "I may be a little rustier than I was ten years ago."

"Nah, you fought well in Redcliffe's future, and that was after being tortured for a year. You'll be fine." I head to one of the trebuchets closest to the gates. "Aim it towards the mountain, soldier! We got your back!"

The rest of the attack was a blur, but a much less chaotic blur than in the game, so that's a plus. Everyone has gathered in the basement of the Chantry, as planned, while the advisors wait for me near the entrance. When I enter, all eyes are on me. "Herald. On your orders, we evacuate."

"How many injured or dead?"

"A few are injured, but thank the Maker, nothing fatal."

I visibly relax after that. "Go, now. Give the signal once you are far away enough from Haven. If I'm alive, you'll know. Did you prepare the mineshaft like I asked?"

"Yes, but why would you need so many cushions?"

"Because I might get a concussion. Fall through the ceiling. Don't worry, got my druffalo hide, and the supplies down there. Other Heralds have survived worse." I turn to Solas. "Hey, Egghead! There are wolves around my escape route. Think you could clear the way for me?"

Everyone else looks perplexed as to why I'd ask him if all people, but he just sighs and tells me "Of course, Herald." And with that, we're back into the fray.

Corypheus is really gross. Like, I can understand how the game got him wrong. I can't even describe it. He just feels... wrong. He gives me his villainous monologue, and being the smartass I am, replied from the dialogue tree, "Your arrogance blinds you. Good to know." And oh my god, did that fill me up with some fucking adrenaline, I'm hyped!

But, I'm also in a cave. No serious injuries! Landed on my arm wrong, but I've dealt with worse. They had left me a box of non-perishables, flint and tinder, and a few health potions.

I materialize a heat lamp, and use half of a potion for my arm. Those despair demons are gross. But thankfully, I got through the trip pretty well. It only took two days of walking through the snow. I managed to not black out, so no concussion. So, I spent the entire time singing Christmas carols to no one in particular.

By the time I got to the clearing where everyone else was, I had run out of actual songs, so I had gone to one of the playground ones.

"-We barbecued his head! And what about the body? We flushed it down the potty. Round and round it goes, round and round it goes. Round, and round and round, and round it goes." It probably sounded nice to the others, since they didn't know the words.

"There she is! Herald, are you alright?" Cullen is such a kohai. Is that how you say it? I dunno. My otaku days are long behind me.

I switch back to Common. "Yup. Though, I never want to eat jerky again. Now if you'll excuse me, I haven't slept in two days, and I think I might be getting a little delusional. Have Mother Giselle watch me. She'll want to anyways. Good night, Cully-Wully." I snicker at my half-assed nickname, when he actually blushes. Maybe that was the snow. Probably.

I head to the tents and collapse from exhaustion. Shit was tiring.


	19. Things and Kids

I can't get any actual sleep. Which sucks.  A lot. Shut up, too exhausted to do English. The whole thing reminds me of that Owl City song. "Far too tired to fall asleep." So, I make my way outside all sneaky.

I found the kiddies tent! Awh, never seen so many tiny frowns... I wanna help them out. I leave stealth mode and plop myself among them.

"You guys want to hear a story?" Why are they looking at me so wierd?

"Where'd you come from miss?" One of the kids pipe up, and one of the older ones, not quite 9 yet, slaps his arm.

"She's the hero lady! You can't be rude like that, Arthur!" She looks all scared. Like I'm gonna bite their heads off at any moment.

"Arthur? Have you found any swords in boulders recently?" Hook.

"No... why?" Line.

"Long ago, there was a little boy named Arthur. He was training to become a knight, but he lived out in the country. One day, he had ridden into town, where he found a sword, stuck in stone..." And sinker. I tell the story as much as I can remember it. Though I never got the full story. Fairly sure there was a love triangle? Skimmed over the romance.

Did throw in some Monty Python, though. "The Black Knight fought very well, and he never gave up. Not even when he got all his arms and legs chopped off." I wrinkle my nose and grin, just like I was one of the kids again. "Y'know what he said?" I straighten up and pull my arms into my shirt. "'Tis but a flesh wound!' And when Arthur refused to fight anymore, he never did falter. 'Then we shall call it a draw.' They didn't-" The tent flaps rustle and I jerk back to see who it is.

Mother Giselle. "My lady Herald, you are supposed to be resting... Why are you amongst the children?"

I duck my head down. "Sorry, Mother... I'll do better next time..." I aptly sounded like a scolded child. That got a few smirks and chuckles out of the kiddos.

And that's how I got stuck being watched by Mother Giselle as I slept. All night. Creepy, that.

Fast forward a few days of on and off sleeping, and Mother Giselle deems me coherent enough to walk amongst the living. I though I was fine, but apparently, acting a little childish among traumatized children means you aren't well. But hey, I wasn't about to argue. The advisors have done enough of that for me.

"Mother Giselle?"

"Yes, my child?"

"Am I good to go? Can I help with the planning yet?" Because I know what to do, and that's exactly what they're fighting about?

"No, we do not need to add any extra heated voicies, and you still could use rest."

I visibly pout and exhale. "Fine." I couldn't possibly forget how this scene goes, but I will die trying to not get the stupid grin. And I always sang along, but that'd defeat the purpose... this'll be rough. 

"They've been at it for hours."

"They have that luxury, thanks to you. With the enemy behind us, they have time to doubt. Infighting may threaten as much as this Corypheus."

"But, if I went out there to help, they wouldn't be arguing. I've been told I'm very charismatic."

"You have also just been told we should not add more heated voices. Perhaps especially not yours.But, our leaders struggle because of what we have witnessed. We saw our defender rise, and fall. And now, we have seen her return, mostly unharmed." She furrows her brow ever so slightly. "The more our enemy is beyond us, the more miraculous your actions appear, and the more these actions seem ordained. That is hard to accept, no? What we have been called to accept? What we perhaps, must come to believe?"

"Mother Giselle, I just don't see how what I believe matters. Corypheus is too much of a threat to put it all in the hands of someone who supposedly turned his back on us." Ah, the athiest and the priest arguing over religion. An age old tale.

I get up and head to the entrance of the tent. And I swear, I started internally screaming and I bit the inside of the corner of my mouth to keep from grinning.

"Shadows fall, and hope has fled. Steel your heart, the dawn will come." Ok, I think I'm visibly shaking now. I can't not sing along! Ugh! "The night is long, and the path is dark. Look to the sky, for one day soon the dawn will come."

I can't help it and I breathe the words along to myself as Leliana joins in. "The shepherd's lost, and his home is far. Keep to the stars, the dawn will come."

Now more and more people are adding in, and you can feel a cloud of solidarity and UGH! I LOVE THIS PART SO MUCH! "The night is long, and the path is dark. Look to the sky, for one day soon, the dawn will come. Bear your blade, and raise it high. Stand your ground, the dawn will come. The night is long, and the path is dark. Look to the sky, for one day soon, the dawn will come."

I see Solas approaching me from the side and try to not look like a giddy fool. Mother Giselle had said something, but I wasn't listening. "A word?"

We get to the veilfire, and when I am positive the camp won't hear, I may or may not have squealed. Okay, I totally squealed. "Gah! I love that bit so much! Solas, you have no idea how hard that was! It'd be like taking you through the Fade physically, but then saying you can't show any kind of excitement or touch anything."

"Is it fair to assume that was the 'scene that had you grinning stupidly', if I recall your rant on the subject?" Oh, he's definitely being a smug asshole right now, but I actually don't care.

"Yes. Yes it was. And I couldn't even sing along this time 'cause it would ruin the moment!" I get that grin again and the only sound I can make is something like letting air out of a fresh 2 liter. "So. Tell me, oh great and powerful Oz, where shall I find my way home? Or maybe I'd be the scarecrow... Nah, that'd be walking right into a trap."

"And why would that be?" He has no small hint of amusement in his voice.

"The scarecrow asks for a brain. And I'm not walking into that. Could ask for courage, but I've got more than is probably healthy. At least, I like to think so."

"I see. But you've already said you're more akin to the scarecrow, you can't take it back."

I snap out of my glee for a bit. "Don't think I'm letting your asshattery go under the radar. The only reason you're necessary is information. Which I already have. So I could kick you out if I wanted to."

"You wouldn't dare." He gives me a smirk and narrows his eyes. God, dies the universe want me to hook up with this creep? Given me plenty of chances. Nope. Never ends well. The universe can suck it.

"And before, I had thought you were gay."

He sputters. "Wait, truly?" Hah! Caught the Trickster off guard.

"Dude, just now? With the veilfire? That was about as fruity as fruity gets. Plus, you exclusively wear tight pants, and when I was told I could romance you, I had tried as a human girl, but the option never came up. Figured it was because you were gay, but it was just you being racist."

"I'm sorry, what? You're truly calling an elf racist? We're the oppressed ones, or have you forgotten that in your idiotic glee?"

"Hey, stupidly happy and happily stupid are two different things. And reverse racism is totally a thing. Anyways, this would be the part you mention Skyhold and the orb, but I already knew that. So is there anything else?"

"Just because you know of Skyhold, doesn't mean you know the way."

"Fair enough. I just know it's vaguely North. Lead on, Pride." And with that, we all start going up towards our new home.


	20. Things and yeah. Pretty sure you don't read this.

So, now I'm the Inquisitor! Which is awesome, 'cause I own an army. But also terrifying. 'Cause I own an army. My first big decision was to seal off one of the rooms in the basement for movie night. I made a key that I wear around my neck and one of those slid-y door holes. The kind where you only see the eyes through a rectangle? You know what I mean. I set up a projector, and since I've been practicing, I can materialize bigger things now! I think I managed to get my gaming systems set up, I hope so. It'd make things much easier to explain to the newbies. Now that I think about it, I never explained to Dorian, Viv, Bull, Blackwall, or Cole. I haven't seen Cole at all actually, I gotta look for my lil' biscuit later... For now, I'm on my way up to Josie's office.

"Josephine? Could you gather the inner circle down in the basement? I've made a rec room." 

"Of course. What would a rec room be?" Even after learning the language, people still don't understand me...

"Short for recreation. It's like a room for entertainment. But all the stuff is from home, so I put it in the basement under lock and key. I can show you guys a good story or two there!" I give her an impish grin for good measure. I'm thinking easing them in through Origins, maybe? Or could hop into two for Varric, since him and Cassie were there for it.

"I see. We should have everyone downstairs within a few minutes."

"Oh! And tell Bull to bring beer. I think some of you might need it."

She looks a little put off for a split second, but quickly schools her face again. "Of course."

Hehehehe. When the first ones come I give a regal voice "What's the password?"

Apparently, they got to the tavern first, because Bull and Sera are at the door. Bull speaks up first. "There isn't one, boss. At least, I didn't think there was."

"Fine... Come on in." I open the door and actually a lot of them are here already. I don't see Vivienne, though... Hm.

"Tada!! This, my good friends, is the rec room! Over there is the TV, it has shows and it's connected to the Consoles. I got PS3 and 4, a Gamecube, and Xbox 360. Over there is the computer, it's got most of the games from here. And Over by the far wall is the bean bags, and the movie projector! If you want to roam around and get your bearings, go ahead. But I'm gonna play some Dragon Age 2, and some of you might want to see this."

Everyone looks a little starstruck. Hehehe, good! Maybe now, they can see I wasn't  _just_ crazy. I knew what I was talking about.

Varric pipes up from over by the computer. "You said Dragon Age games? So, stuff from here?"

"Yep. Dragon Age Origins, 2, and Inquisition. In that order. Origins was the Fifth Blight, 2 was Kirkwall, and Inquisition is right now."

"How does it work?"

"Science. Same way as my phone, but instead of touching the screen, you use this keyboard, and the mouse. Look, I'll boot up 2 for you." And so I get into the familiar spinny chair. I had saved up major cash to get this rig. I can run anything up to 2010 graphics perfectly. It capped off around the time Skyrim came out, though. I boot up a new game in DA2, and already I can see Varric and Cass getting creeped out a litlle.

"That was when you interrogated me... How the hell did you get this?" Shell shock. woops. Maybe I could have planned it a little bit better?

"I told you; we have your stories, and we sent you the heroes. This was what I meant. I mean, don't get me wrong, it's really friggin' crazy that you guys are real, but a few months back, this was all I knew about you all."

"Why are there so many people there?" Oh, it had gone to the class selection screen.

"Hm... I want to be a mage, but I also don't want Bethany to die... Gonna go rogue this time."

Varric sputtered. "Wait, if Hawke was a mage, Bethany would have been...?"

"Yeah... There's a bunch of tough choices to make, dude. Either Carter or Bethany, but there's no way to save both. Oh! Dammit, that's right... I had deleted my last character. I was trying to get a mod to work. In theory it made Hawke an elf, but it just made their heads all funky." After the cutscene, it goes to character creation. I tend to make the same Hawke each time, Unnatural white hair and vivid blue eyes.

"Wait, it's Hawke!" Yeah...

"This is how I... Mold? The heroes. I could make her a fat lady with crazy makeup if I wanted. Or I could give her some tattoos. Hm... Name, name, name. Ah! How about Eden? I like the sound of it."

"Did you just come up with that...?" Cassandra looks at me incredulously.

"Yeah. Why? Is this your all's Hawke?" This'll be intriguing.

"Yes... But, how did you know that?"

I sigh a little. "Cass, I told you. I send you people to fight. It is a little wierd that it's this one. Figured it would be one I had already made. Lemme guess, if I know myself, she's either gone for Fenris or Merrill. And I'll be honest, it's almost always Merrill."

Sera starts getting freaked out. "Ooookay. I think we should open up that booze now. This shite's gettin' weird. I mean, it's been weird, but now it's even worse!" She plops down on one of the bean bags. "What's in this, it's comfy."

"Dunno, to be honest. But it is totally comfy." The cutscene gets to a dialogue choice, and I instinctually go for the humor one.

"So you're why Hawke was such a smartass..." Varric gives me a little smirk.

"Yep. I think I had one aggressive one, but it got boring. Hey- Don't touch that, Cullen!"

Cullen had managed to start up the PS4 while I was distracted. Ok, yeah. We need ground rules.

"Hey. That one has this story on it. So lemme lay down a few rules. Rule one, don't play Inquisition unless I know about it. I don't want to have to deal with that bs. Rule two, no food in here. It gets stuck on things. and Rule three, if you bring drinks,  _please_ keep in mind that these things all break if they get wet."

Cullen looks like he was just scolded... "So, can I play, then? I want to be Inquisitor."

Ok, that was a lil' bit cute. "Sure. Fair warning, though. You can be flirted with, and I'm not responsible for anything if you guys romance yourselves. Though that would mean you'd know the extent of what I've seen from all of you... For better or for worse."

Quite a few of them look a little confused, namely everyone who wasn't there for my backstory reveal. Dorian asks the first question on his mind. "Have you and I slept?!"

I crack up, won't lie! "No, Dorian. You slept with my handsome Qunari Inquisitor. He was very nice to you, I promise."

"But you  _have_ seen me have sex?"

"Nah. I have seen your naked ass though. And more than one makeout sessions. And for you, I've also read a story or two on the matter..."

"Oh my..." Blackwall is blushing. Hehehehe. "Am I on the list of people you've bedded then?"

"Ok. One last time. Among the Inner Circle, I have bedded Leliana, Josephine, Cullen, Solas, Sera, Dorian, Iron Bull, Cassandra, and yes, Blackwall. You were all lovely. Except Solas and Blackwall. Jerks."

Sera looks amused. And , on a related note, tipsy. "What's wrong wit the jerks? What'd they do to ya?"

"Oh, nothing. They just both left the Inquisition, and a heartbroken me behind. At least I brought Blackwall back." I give Solas a glare.

"Shite, is that why you don't get along?"

"Yep. Ok, Now that that's done. Bring out the booze. I want some." I've never had it before, but I run a goddamn army, see someone tell me it's illegal. Besides, it's probably fine here.

I should have thought this through. Iron Bull handed me Dragon Piss. "Here you go, boss."

"Bull. I love you like a brother, man. But I'm not gonna kamikaze on my throat."

"Just drink it, or are you too much of a wimp?" He gives me one of those unspoken challenges.

"Oh. It's on like Donkey Kong!" I manage to chug it all down. I think my throat just went into shock. I can't help but gag and cough a little. Okay, a lot. "Shit whore! Th'hell's in that shit?" I make a scrunchy face at my mug.

"'S Dragon Piss, boss. Put some chest on your chest!"

"I don't need anymore! These things are a bitch to fit into the armor, Bull!" Yep, the room's going all spinny, now. I wanna nap...

"Inquisitor, are you sure you should be drinking?" Cululu looks all worried for me.

"Awww... Cullen. Look, I don't want ya to call me Inquisitor. Now that I am yer superorer- superirer. supper. Boss. Now that I'm your boss, gotta call me senpai." I start to giggle like a hyena. Do hyenas giggle? Nah, thin they cackle. So I cackled like a hyena then. "Hey, Cullen. You were my first one that I romanced." I put my hand on his head, he looks kinda red...

"W-what does that have to do with anything, Inquisitor?" Yep. Definitely red. 'S he sick?

"I mean, you're pretty damn adorable. You know that? Haha, I fucked up that playthrough though. No one liked me and it got boring. Think I ended up with Sera? I dunno. You kinda remind me of a joke from the intersnot. 'Perfect cinnaminin roll. Too precious for this world...' Tha's you." I curl up in one of the beanbags. "God damn, the room won't stop spinning!"

"Boss have you drank before?" Why is everyone staring at me?

"A'course! Need water to live and shit! Oh... y'mean like beer? Nah. 'S not fun yet. Think I need a lil' more."

"Shit, coulda told me that! I don't think I've ever seen such a lightweight. Most people it takes at least two mugs..." Bitch, ain't nobody got time fo' dat.

I start to remember one of the videos and it's too funny! "Hey! Wann' watch a cartoon with me? 'S got a... uh. Oh! 'S got Cullen in it! Or we could do the Wolf Butt's one." In hindsight, could have phrased that better.

"Whozat?" Sera looks kinda cute from upside-down.

"'S the big bad Elfy boy. He's got that wolf thing on his neck all the time. 'S kinda creepy. So I call him Wolf Butt. Cause it's from a wolf. And cause butts are awesome. But not his. His is gross and old. Fuckin' pedo. Who's laughin' now? Beat you at your own fuckin' game!" At the time, it was a clever save... "Hey. Think I got one of the old thingies. OH! This one's got together with Cass. Tried to make him look like the dude from Dawn of the Seekers, but I don't think it worked... His name is Harold." My voice goes all nasal-y. "Harold the Herald!" Nobody laughed... "Well, I thought it was funny..."

Goddamn, Cullen still looks all red. Think he is sick. "Hey! Cullen, you sick? Look red as a beet."

"No, just fine. But I think you've had enough fun for today..." He goes across the room and friggin' picks me up!

"Hey. Not in the mood for a white knight right now. If you're gonna carry me though, do it princess style. Not like friggin' potatoes!" I thump him on the back of the head for emphasis and after a lil' while he has me lookin' like a proper princess. "Myes, carry me, peasant! God damn, can't tell if that's armor or muscle..." I jab his arm and there wasn't a cling sound. "Muscle. Nice." And after that, the night got a bit fuzzy.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Drunk Dani is best Dani. 10/10-IGN


	21. Things and Shopping

I hear a thunk on the door and voices from the satairwell. Think it's Josie. "Inquisitor? Are you alright?"

"Pipe down, it's a miniboss!" I manage to flank the chimera and grab the snake's head. It takes a few goes before I can chop it off. Now for the goat.

"But you haven't left the basement in 14 hours, people are getting worried..."

"Well, people aren't saving the world for a living, now are they?! Hold up! It's only got one head left! I'll be out in a minute!" After a lot of button mashing, the chimera lays vanquished. I was playing Dragon's Dogma for anyone who was interested. Josie wasn't. 

"Inquisitor, I understand you had made this room to enjoy yourself and let off steam, but if you spend so much time in there again, people will start to think you aren't doing your job."

"Yes, well again. Do people have to face down a false god, an archdemon, the assassination of an empress, a demon army and not to mention all after being ripped from their home?" I like to think I deserve a day of binge gaming after almost dying more than once.

"But you aren't doing anything about it either. And you are arguably the only one who can. So, yes, people will be upset."

"Fine. Gather in your office with Leliana and Vivienne after lunch to talk about Halamshiral. I'm going to go look for Cole." And with that, I head out to see my lil' biscuit!

Apparently, he found me first. "I'm not a biscuit, I'm Cole." Aw. Nope. Definitely my little biscuit! "You know me, but I've never met you. How do you do that?"

"Hi Cole! You haven't had any trouble, have you?" I swear to god, if anyone hurt my baby...

"They don't remember me... I'm not a baby either. But it helps to think of me like that." His brows furrow, and I almost missed it. But I'm used to Cole.

"Yes. Yes it does. Sorry I haven't been able to see you, but I've been a little... preoccupied."

"Yes. Windows to another world, puppeteer becomes the puppet, and wonders if the strings are still there. You try your best to not think, I could help you forget."

"Nah. Cole, please don't make me forget anything? The last thing I need is the lack of foresight. And it wouldn't help much if I made a decision without the full picture."

"But- Alright." And with that, he poofs away. Ok, so now that that's settled, time to check up on the rest of the people.

I make my way down to the courtyard, where I see Cullen by that table. Have I really not talked to him there yet? "Hey, Commander. Sorry, again, for making you carry me up three stories... You totally could have left me down there, by the way." That was only two days ago, but I spent at least a quarter of that time in my gaming cocoon.

"Ah, no. It was fine, nothing too serious. You probably should refrain from alcohol for a while, though." Is he...? Nah.

"Yeah, it sucks, but I can't remember much. I think I said something about food? I doubt it was very intelligible."

"You told me to call you senpai? What does that mean?"

I snorted. Like, legitimately snorted at that. "Ohhh, nothing! I promise, I've noticed you." I chuckle to myself, but I think he heard me.

"Sorry, what?" 

"There's a meme. 'Senpai, notice me!' It uhh, usually said by a schoolgirl to her crush. You'd ah. You would be the schoolgirl... Which, to be fair... Nevermind."

"Are you implying...?" Okay, he's red as a beet now. Hahah, I totally am his senpai, aren't I?

"Yeahh. Soo... Howsabout we forget this happened for now, and after a bit of mulling, we can go back to that topic when we aren't in the middle of a bustling courtyard?" I can at least spare the man some dignity. 

"That would be- yes." Profound quotes, 'That would be yes.' ~Cullen Rutherford, 9:41. One for the history books. Or at least Varric's books.

"You and I could play Mario Kart? Bet I could beat you."

"Where did that come from?" He looks a little puzzled.

"Dude, first sign of any kind of relationship not lasting is if you can't play a good game of Double Dash. Rainbow Road either makes or brakes it. And you don't get that pun, do you?"

"No... But isn't that a little odd? Basing a relationship around a game?"

"Dude. That's exactly what this is. Or if I decided to go after literally anyone here. It would be exactly that. I met you through one of these games. So no, it's not odd. Even so, it was about as close to courting as I ever got back home. If I could play a round of Double Dash and not want to rip their throats out after losing, that relationship lasted. Dibs on Toadette and Baby Luigi." And with a wave, I went to talk politics with the ladies.

"So. I have an idea that just might work, ladies." I saunter in almost like I own the place. Wait. I do. Hehehe.

"And what would that be, darling?"

"If I attended the ball in fashion from my world. Not only would the overall quality be better, but I could get the most expensive dress I could imagine in exactly my size for free. And think of how impressive it would be if not only was I politically important, but also a trendsetter? I know the military uniform you have planned, and I refuse to wear something so atrocious."

"My dear, we don't even know what your world's fashion is. And to be honest, with your unhealthy obsession of plaidweave, I doubt I would like it. Much less the court."

I sigh and pull out my phone. "Okay. Let me just look up some of the fashion from my world as a sample, then." I pull up one of my personal favorites. The dress I was going to wear to senior prom, the dress itself was a pale purple fading into a deep blue towards the bottom, going halfway down the shin. It has a matching cardigan that resembles space, even if it is slightly see-through. "This is what I want to wear. Could even conjure up a matching mask if the need arises. And I'm sure I could add a few diamonds here and there for added effect near the base of the skirt."

Vivienne seems almost shellshocked. "My dear, you could have told me you had an eye for these things! Why do you insist on wearing things like... well, that." She gestures towards my outfit.

"Hey, sweatpants are comfortable and warm. Besides, I never said I was bad with fashion. I choose to dress like this because it's less work. But it also adds an air of exoticness, since it's something you can't get here. Even if it is mundane, it reminds nobles I can afford to be nonchalant about such things. It is something trivial to me, that is unobtainable to them." I give Viv a shrug, and I can just imagine the 'Vivienne Greatly Approves' to my left.

"You are much better at the game than you let on, darling..."

"Of course. If they underestimate me, it's easier to catch them off guard. You intimidate them, but with me, they end up making mistakes they think I won't notice. Just because my world doesn't have empires and kingdoms, doesnt mean we don't have politics." The three women seem pleased with me.

Josephine speaks up. "I suppose we can cancel the lessons on the Game, then."


	22. Things and Games

I'm joined by Cullen in the rec room. "Inquisitor. Is it healthy to stare at those screens as long as you do?"

I'm sitting a few feet away from the tv. "After about the sixth hour your eyes get this dull pain in the back, but after a break, it's perfectly fine. That's usually implying a nap or a snack. And the soccer moms would tell you it makes my generation more violent, but it's actually just a way to vent anger. That's what GTA is for." I pat the bean bag next to me. "C'mon. I promise you don't have shit to do, it's like, 10 at night. You guys get up around 7, so we can play for two hours and still get a healthy amount of sleep."

He complies and joins me, so I hand him a controller and explain the controls. "You ah, you know quite a bit about this kind of thing, then?"

Pffft. "Yeah, I was raised up on this game. I used to play it with May all the time. She would always beat me and I'd rage quit more often than not... Believe it or not, I was really bad at games when I started."

"How can one be bad at games?" He looks perplexed. So I just give a little laugh.

"Okay, then. Play me, and we'll see how one can be bad at games. You are familiar with racing, yes?" Mario's 'Nintendo!' bounces off the walls.

"Yes, so this game is a race then?"

"Yeah. Ok, choose two people and a cart." He picked Mario and Peach. "Why them?"

He shrugs. "They were the first I saw. Why would you choose a baby and what appears to be a mushroom girl?"

"Because Toadette is my favorite, and Baby Luigi is adorable."

"But the other baby is exactly the same, just red."

"Nope. Baby Mario always gets the spotlight. I like to give Luigi some time as first man."

"I see..." He doesn't. But that's fine. We start off on 100cc Mushroom Cup since he's such a noob.

"Wh- how did you go so fast?"

"Speed boost, baby!" He ran into the ChompChomp.

"What is that?"

"Don't think, just drive. Gah! Shit whore! Screw you too, Daisy!" I had gotten knocked off the track By Daisy and Luigi. Traitors!

"Ha! I think I passed you up!" That little...

After about thirty seconds, I was back up to second. "Yeah? Maybe next time, sweetie." For the last lap, I had barely managed it, but I had gotten back up to first. "Suck it!"

"I believe I see what you meant..." He had gotten knocked down to fifth, poor dude. "Maybe we could do a different game this time?" He glances over to the PS4. Hahah, I can tell what he wants to play.

"Go ahead, Inquisitor Cullen. But don't go past where we are, alright?" I give a disciplinary point in his direction.

"Of course not, I doubt I have enough time, anyways."

"Yeah. Takes about ten hours to get to Skyhold, and that's just the average. Not taking into account all the side quests and junk- wait. You're one of the dudes who play as a girl?"

"Well- I just wanted- Is that odd?" He's all blushy, was he really going to romance himself? Hahah, that's cute!

"Nah. Tons of dudes do it. Just a warning, though. There's a reason I didn't put you through romancing yourself... You get all nervous and awkward. You're totally a schoolgirl."

"I-I am not!"

"Yep. Cullen-chan is too cute for his own good! You think I'm playing? The first option to flirt with you is asking if you took vows of celibacy."

He chokes on something and coughs. "E-excuse me?!"

"Yeah. In the training yard. Next to all the recruits. Then I asked if there was anyone back home. I liked the answer. "

He just gives me a 'hm' and starts making a character. "Why would the shinyness of your lips be important?"

"Because if it's anything above three notches to the right, your lips glow in the faintest light. And- what are you doing?"

"The makeup. Why?" 

"Dude, her lips look like peppermint. Here, gimme that." I take the controller. For whatever reason, he had the intensity up on all of them... Men... "The only thing that can be full intensity and still look good is eyeliner, and even that is only under certain circumstances."

"Ah... So, why don't you wear any makeup then?"

"I do. You just can't tell. Did you think I just had perfect skin?"

"I wouldn't put it past you."

"Warrior Woman? And a human? That's so boring, though! It's just a lady you! To be fair, you're a pretty hot chick."

"Would you prefer me as a woman, then?"

I look like I'm contemplating. "Mmm... Nope. You're plenty pretty enough as a man, Commander. You're a total pretty boy and nothing you say can convince me otherwise."

"Well, what if I told you I used to play in a swamp?"

"Already knew it. Changes nothing. Still the ultimate pretty boy, and don't you change that." I check my phone, 10:45. "Well, if you want any chance of a relatively good night's sleep, you and I better head out."


	23. Things and Roaming

Now that I can bring back bigger things, I end up getting most of the stuff from my room into... my room. Let me rephrase that, from my little apartment to my badass tower! I added most of my knick knacks from my old bedroom. I kind of just stash them away when people are over, which happens more often than you think.

Except Dorian barged in this time... "Hope your decent, I need advice!" I am, but...

"Ugh, come on up." I can hear the klinking of his metal, and my impending doom.

"Are those...?" I have a collection of all my old stuffed animals. I mean, I could bring back all the ones I lost, and Toy Story made me feel guilty about that shit!

"Yeah. Shut up." I can feel the blushing...

"How are you so cute and still so terrifying?"

"I thought I was just cute. Since when was I terrifying?"

"Since you got those dark circles under your eyes, you look dead." Ah.

I throw one of the stuffed animals, a rabbit, towards his face. "Dude, I haven't put my makeup on! And it's genetic. Yet another thing to blame my dad for." After that tangent, "Oh, so you wanted advice?"

"Yes... what do you think about the Iron Bull?" So soon? My babies! All grown up...

"You mean with my future vision?" It goes unsaid he wants to know about the flirtations.

"Yes. I can't quite tell if he's joking or not, and it's been bothering me."

"Well, you and I are the masters of joke-flirtations. And to answer your questions, no he isn't joking, and no, you don't end up miserable for going after him. You two end up very happy, and about a third of Skyhold can hear it."

He sputters a little. "Care to elaborate?"

I laugh. "Bull's bedroom is close to the courtyard. I think you can extrapolate from there."

After that, he makes to leave. But "Oh! Dorian. You, Bull and Sera. We're going out for a while."

"Where to?"

"Going back to the Hinterlands for any rifts we may have missed, then a pit stop back here, where we'll switch out Sera for Varric, then a trip to Emprise du Lion. Or would you prefer I switch you and Bull too?" I give what I hope to be a suggestive eyebrow wiggle. 

"That won't be necessary. See you in an hour, then?"

"See you then!" I get packed up. Since I basically refused to wear any of the bulky helmets, I've settled for a green battlemage cowl and a superior scout coat. Both with plaidweave accents. Because screw you, that's why.

The Hinterlands are so boring now! Besides the two or three rifts we couldn't get to, everything's been taken care of. Wait... except for the dragon. Right. I read somewhere you could tame them.

That's how I found myself on a ledge in the middle of the night. You see, I have a dovazul translator. I got it just for fun, but if dragons speak the dragon language here, we can get somewhere. "Hello? Anyone home?" I'm immediately tackled by a dragonling, pleasant. "Well hey there little guy!" I scratch behind one of his horns. He doesn't seem like a threat, until you remember he could eat a cat whole.

Then his mom comes by and belches a fire ball at me! Okay, nope! Not nice! Not nice! Running away now!

"Wait... you tried to what?! Boss, that's so stupid!"

"Shut up! I read in a story that you could tame them! I had to try, cause you all won't get me a mabari, and I want a pet god dammit!"

"If they could be tamed, don't you think a stupid noble would have tried already?"

"Well-... shut up. It was cool at the time!"

After that, we headed off to Emprise du Lion, where we went to destroy the red lyrium. We didn't do too much fighting, but I got a whole bunch of snofleur furs. So soft.

"So why are you so fixated on getting a pet, boss?"

"Because I had a pit bull back home and I miss him. They acted a lot like mabari, actually. If you train them to, they can be lethal, but they can also be playful and loyal to a fault. I'll always remember you, Baxter." I trace my finger from the corner of my eye to my chin.

"So you want a dog because you had a dog?"

"Yes, Varric! Imagine if Hawke ever lost Felassan."

"Yeah, poor boy's getting pretty old now. This one time, he had tried to chew up Merrill's staff for a solid ten minutes. We, uh. We had to get her a new staff. It was an improvement at least."

"But, see? Hawk, the Warden, even Andraste had a friggin' mabari, and I just want a puppy, god dammit. Or two."

"Well, I think that's the last of the red lyrium out here. At least that we can get to now."

"Yeah, not quite ready to take out the fort, but there's also a helmet I want... wait." I open a small rift and- haha! I made the fucking flower crown! "Sucess!" I flip my hood back and put on my new spoils. "I am the graceful-est of all the people."

"You look wonderful, sweetie." Dorian graces us with his wit, yet again.

"I have to get Dagna to make me some more of these. That way we can go meet the Dalish properly!"

"Wait, you need flower bands to meet the Dalish?"

"No, but putting Cassandra in one should be good enough excuse. It was a thing I saw, and it should prove to be funny."

"Getting the Seeker in a flower band? Good luck there."

"Dude, believe it or not, she's really girly when she thinks no one is looking. Speaking of, work on that next chapter of Swords and Shields. Cass'll want it."

"Are you sure you didn't hit your head? How could Cassandra like Swords and Shields?"

"Aveline does. And Cass isn't much different from her. It isn't too much of a stretch. Besides, future vision, remember?"

"Oh yeah? Prove it happens."

"I could totally pull up the video of it. Here, look." I hand him my phone and after a few minutes he gives it back with a numb look

"I stand corrected, then... I'll get on it."


	24. Things and Things... yup.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You all asked for it, so ye shall recieve.

"The fuck, dude!?" Cullen is playing without me! And- oh god, sex scene.

"Uh- this isn't what it-" He drops the controller onto the ground. "I did nothing."

"God dammit, Cullen... The first rule, and you broke it. Jesus Christ, broseph. No more video games for a week."

His face drops. "What? You can't do that to me!"

"Yes I can. I own the place, the stuff, and I am also your boss. Be grateful, my mom usually took it for a month."

"I run an army, woman!"

"Yeah. MY army! And did you just 'woman' me?"

"...No. I don't know what you're talking about."

"Go to your room, young man." This is too fun! He isn't in any real trouble, but I kind of just got lost in the moment...

"But-"

"Now." He dejectedly leaves.

"Sit on your bed, and don't leave until I say so."

"Why? I'm not a child."

"Because it's a part of your punishment. Now excuse me while I find Sera."

"Wait, wha-"

I shove him out of the door. "Can't question it. Just go sit on your bed. You'll know soon."

"Maker, what do you have planned?"

"Nothing. Go, before I make it something worse."

And with that, I head to the tavern. "Sera! I need you!"

"What do you want, Inky?" She was laying upside down. Hm.

"I need your help screwing with Cullen. We're gonna steal the ladder from his loft, and while you distract him with that, I'm gonna mess with his office too. Make the door squeak, make his desk wobbly, that kind of thing."

She gives a devilish laugh. "Sounds great to me! What'd he do to get you pranking him, though?"

"He called me 'woman', and yelled at me."

"Maker, is that all it takes to get on your bad side?"

"Nah, he isn't on my bad side. Just screwing with him."

We enter Cullen's office. "Inquisitor? Can I come down now? Whatever I did wrong, I'm sorry." He sounds like a little kid.

"Not yet. Sera, do your thing." She happily gets to work.

"Hey, this thing is heavy. Lil' help here?"

After I finish with his desk, I go to help with the ladder. It makes a loud thunk on the floor and I can hear Cullen, "What are you doing? What are you up to?"

After the ladder is down and out of his reach I yell up to him. "You can leave now. Except you can't."

"What do you- Damn it, Inquisitor! Bring my ladder back!"

"Not until you admit that I'm in charge. Say 'Dani is the boss of me, and I romanced myself.' Don't think I didn't see what cutscene you were on, mister."

I can feel his blushing from down here. "Danielle is the boss of me, and... I romanced myself..." He sounds so broken. Good.

"Good man. Come on, Sera." Sera and I haul the ladder down to the courtyard.

We set it down in the stables. "Blackwall, someone should be coming by soon to pick this up, alright?"

He looks at me like I'm crazy. "Er, yes ma'am."

Today was well spent.


	25. Things and Hawks

I put off the the story long enough. Well, since it isn't a video game now, that means Hawke has arrived! With Merrill! I'm not fangirling, you're fangirling. Wait, what? Shut up.

Varric and I are waiting at the end of the bridge. Well, Varric is waiting. I alternate between bouncing in place and pacing. "I gots ta see my baby! Varric, those two better hurry up!"

He's laughing at me. "Calm down, Sunshine. And how is Hawke your baby? Or were you refering to Daisy? Because I'm not too sure I approve of either."

I give him an exasperated sigh. "Varric, you were there when I literally made her. Sorry that a creator wants to meet her creation. I haven't even finished the game with her, and I want to know what she chose! I have a vague idea, but still! Ah- I can see them!" 

"Calm down, Sunshine... You might scare them off."

I just scoff at him and try to avoid bouncing. I definitely was screaming internally. "I had no idea I was getting the official welcome." Hawke gives me a smirk, and I can't help but grin ear to ear and I think I may have let a tiny scream out. Only a little one.

"Hi Eden! It's so great to finally meet you, Varric mentions you enough!" I lean in conspiritorally. "I'm fairly certain he idolizes you, but he'll never admit it." After clearing my throat I notice the other visitor.

"And you must be Merrill. It's a pleasure!" I can't help but beam at her. Such a sweetie pie!

"So you're the Inquisitor? There's rumor you have no home to speak of, but... oh! Sorry." She doesn't look very sad, just morbidly curious. Does that mean her family is safe? I hope so...

"Nope. The rumors were partially true. No one can ever visit my home. But that doesn't mean I can't bring things from there to here." I flick my wrist and after being covered in green for a few seconds, I pull out a pair of Butterfingers. "Here. It's butterscotch and chocolate." I hand Merrill one, and Hawke the other.

"Oh! I've never had chocolate before, is it any good?" She holds it close to her face, inspecting the candy.

"Just eat it, swear it isn't poison. You'll love it."

The two comply. I never though I would see eyes so open. Merrill's awe fills up about a third of her face. "Why aren't there more of these?"

"Because it was from my, ah... my home. Sorry if I sound all suspicious, but it's a conversation not to be had in the courtyard of the world's most populated fortress." Varric and I head to the battlements while I wave for the two others to follow.

"So where is your home? You weren't raised in the Fade, I hope? Imagine what that would do for a child." Ah, smartass Hawke. How I've missed ye...

"Earth. I can let Varric give you the rundown on all that implies; Maker knows he's seen plenty from it. But, we are here to discuss the wardens. I wonder, you mentioned a warden friend? Who might that be?" I can't just ask 'Hey there, my creation. Will I be sacrificing Loghain or Stroud later on to save you?' Because of course I would save Hawke if push came to shove. Ideally, I won't have to choose.

"Ser Stroud. He has been in hiding in Crestwood..." I kind of tune her out. No fault of hers, I just already know what she was saying.

I listen just enough to know when I should reply. "Of course. We can meet you there."

"That wasn't what I had asked. You zoned me out." It wasn't a question...

I duck my head. "Sorry. What did you ask then?"

"I had hoped you could show me this recreation room Varric had mentioned." She smirks. Pretty sure that's just her default face. Like RBFS, but not as bad.

"Oh, right. Thanks, Varric. Because that won't be a bitch to explain." I shepherd the trio down to the basement.

It's so surreal when Merrill gets wide-eyed. But about an hour later I find myself watching as Hawke plays Hawke flirting with Merrill, while flirting with Merrill. Yeah, because who needs sanity when you live in Thedas? Apparently nobody.


	26. Things and Rain

I had gone off to Crestwood with the usual crew, Sera, Bull and Dorian. After we had convinced the lady to join us instead of the Wardens, we had gone into town for news. Of course, we had arrived in the middle of the night, so we were also looking for an inn. We had the camps, but an inn would have been better.

"Oh, yeah. Right up that road there, it's called the  Double Brook, can't miss it." One of the townsfolk had helped us. Mind you, in my current state, I probably looked more like the undead outside than the famed Inquisitor. Travelling in the rain is really shitty.

She was back home. Earth. Where She and Her cousin had grown up together. They were inseparable. For May always heralded the Flowers. And Flowers were always their best in May. She was in a field, but She was not alone. There were wisps to keep Her company, to tell Her stories. One had told Her a story about a little dawrven family, who found themselves near the heroes through circumstance. In return, She told stories of a small boy, who had sailed the Great Sea to save his sister. She had told all the stories that She could think of, so She started to sing songs for them. They were good company. Until She woke up.

 Of course the one time my dreams are pleasant, I get woken up by broken glass. The sound had jarred me awake, and it was followed by a THWAP. Hm. Don't like that sound.

I head downstairs, and a little elven girn had passed by, holding her cheek. Nope. Not cool. I immediately turn around and catch up with her. "Hey, are you alright?"

She had stopped dead in her tracks and jumped. She slowly turned around, her face looking like a deer in headlights. "Sorry miss, I didn't mean to disturb you..."

Ah. "No, the only thing disturbing is how someone can get away with that. Come here, let me look at that." I point to her hand and she complies.

"I-it's nothing, miss. I'm fine." She tries to shrink away.

I try and make my voice soothing. "Your cheek will be, but that doesn't mean you will be. Does this happen often?"

She furrows her brow, I guess she was conflicted. "Yes, miss. But it's fine, I swear."

"No. This kind of thing is never fine. Now, I don't know all the details yet, but it seems like abuse and possibly racism. But definitely abuse. You don't have to put up with that."

"I'm fine. This is all I have, miss. I can handle it." Ah.

"I have no doubt you're strong enough to, but that doesn't mean you havento do so. Do you recognize me?"

She looks a little embarassed when she gives me a small no.

"I am the Inquisitor." I raise an eyebrow and a little flourishing bow for effect. "If you want, I could get you a job in Skyhold. It most definitely pays better than this, and I can personally promise you won't have to put up with any of that again."

Her eyes go wide. "Why would you want to help me? I'm just a..." 

"Because I am here to make the world a little better. If I can help, I will. My job is to put the jackasses in their place. Whether that be demigods or racists." I give her a little smirk and extend a hand. "I can take you to the nearest camp, and from there, I can give you a guard or two to head to Skyhold."

I may have short circuited her brain, since she says nothing, just nods and takes my hand.

"Do you have a name?"

"Era, ma'am."

"Did you know what that means, Era?"

"It's elven, isn't it?"

"Yep! It's the elven word for dream." We approach the group. "Hey guys, we're taking Era here back to the camp so she can go to Skyhold!"

She had frozen after seeing the ragtag team.

"Bull won't bite, promise."

"I can see what you meant. How did you bring a Tevinter, an elf and a qunari together?"

I lean in conspiritorally and snicker "Easy, they're all smartasses."

"We can hear you Boss."

"And you know I'm right." I give him a wink and make to leave.

But a man had grabbed my arm. "Where you think you're going with my waitress?"

So, I meet the man responsible. I slowly turn, angling my head down so some hair will fall in my face. I let my eyes widen and give him a disturbing grin. "I'm going to Skyhold. You get three guesses on who the hell I am."

"Why the hell should I care who a runt like you is? Fuck it, just take the useless knife-ear."

"Because I'm the fucking Inquisitor. And quick tip; racism is not tolerated in the Inquisition. So one more word to my new employee like that, and I can guarantee that at the very least you have a few bruises to match that ugly face of yours. At. The. Least." I raise my hand and the posse follows me outside.

"Damn, Boss. I almost forgot just how scary you can be."

I burst out laughing! "Did you see his face?! Priceless! Ah, but still. I meant every word I said. If anyone screws with you, take it straight to Josie- sorry. Ms. Montiliyet. She can also help find you the job you're best suited for, so I suggest heading her way anyways."

We drop her off and head north to find Hawke. Dorian eventually pipes up. "Will you ever stop picking up strays?"

"Not my fault there are so many good people working for asshats. And pardon me for being helpful, I was told that was about two thirds of my job description."

He gives an exasperated sigh. "Very well, your royal Inquisitorialness."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Check out: http://maierarose.tumblr.com for a picture of Danielle! I do actual drawings as well, and for anyone on tumblr, I'll be posting freeform drawings of her as inspiration or context necessitates, ie Halamshiral dress, sketches, etc. And probably a few other things will find their way too. I can maybe do requests? Not too good at this.


	27. Things and Reading

Varric had cornered me while I was walking from the war room. "So. Why do you stare at that thing when you think no one is looking?"

What? "Not sure what you mean."

"You have that thing two inches from your face and grin while you walk, I want to know why."

Ohhh, my phone. "Ah. 'S got books on it. I read for fun. I think I can even find Hard in Hightown on here if I ever find the need to. I think I heard somewhere someone reads it aloud for you. Audiobooks. But uh, no. These are mostly just fanfics."

"And would you care to elaborate?"

"People write stories about fake worlds where things happen that don't necessarily happen in the actual game can be explored. So, say instead of following the Inquisitor like the game does, it follows a scribe or... I dunno, a baker girl." I show him the screen. "This one follows somebody in a similar position to mine. It has its own genre: Modern Girl in Thedas. I have every one of them bookmarked."

"I can understand fictional escapism, but reading about fiction similar to life? I don't see the appeal."

"Well, it could help how I react, learning from other people. Plus, it's kind of funny how much I do that would seem cliché if it were a story. Sometimes it's relaxing to think like that. 'I may be a protagonist, but at least I'm a camp protagonist.' Takes pressure off of situations."

"But life ain't a story, Sunshine. There isn't a set genre. Sometimes it can be a comedy, but there's always a bit of tragedy." He gives a weather worn smile. Aw, is he talking about Serana- I mean Bianca? No but really, I can never un-hear that. Same with Delphine and the lower pitched fem!Inquisitor voice actor.

I pat his back in what I hope is comforting. "Well, at least with real life, you can control how the story ends. Now. We need to go and check on Cass."

"Maker, do we have to?"

"Yup. Don't worry, I'll sound neutral to please her, but I totally side with you. I just don't want her mad at me, and I sincerely hope you can understand."

"Of course, Sunshine. I wouldn't wish an angry Seeker on anybody."

Jesus Christ! That argument lasts a helluva lot longer than the game implies. She threw a chair! "CASSANDRA! Shut the hell up! We live in the same fucking fortress and you know you can't be mad at him forever! Now I swear if I have to pull a mom move I will!"

"You can't honestly be siding with this snake!"

"THAT'S IT! I want you to write a paper on why Varric had a valid point. At least five paragraphs. Cass, you are to stay in your room until it is done." My face leaves no room for negotiation.

"You cannot be-"

"Hey! Shut it. You have me, I've done a damn good job. If you're gonna get mad at Varric from withholding this information, keep in mind I knew the whole time too. I get that you're mad, but god damn. Grow the fuck up. I am treating you like a child cause you're acting like a goddamn child right now. Now, go and calm the fuck down. Once you're done with this tantrum, then we can talk like adults." I leave the building and head to the rotunda.

"Hey, Egghead." I poke my head into the room. "Can you put up a silencing ward on my room? I wanna rock out to my music, but if anybody hears, I'd have to explain it all."

"Of course, Inquisitor." He follows me up the stairwell and puts a ward on the last door between my room and everywhere else. "Anything else?"

"Yeah. Not sure about when it'll happen, so hang out with Wisdom as much as you can. Seriously, you'll understand once you get the dream." He looks irritated that I'm leaving stuff out of my explanation, but ultimately just leaves.

I fall onto my bed with a satisfying thunk and go through my music. Screw it, listening to my own personal rock concert. Seems appropriate.

After a while, the room had gotten stuffy, so I had changed into my shorts and a sports bra. I was having a ball with my music blasting, when I see movement out of the corner of my eye.

God damn it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Who is it? Cliffhangers, yay!  
> Also, internet cookie for anyone who can guess what fanfics she's referencing when she explains fanfics.


	28. Things and Stares

So, there I am in what Thedas considers underwear, halfway through singing along to the Bohemian Rhapsody and jumping on the bed, when who else would come in but a red Cullen, a grinning Dorian, and a flustered Josephine.

There's just this awkward silence, not counting the chorus of the song, and so I just sit down on the bed. Dorian finally breaks the silence. "So, this is what you're up to when no one is looking?" I think he was the only one unaffected by my looks, which makes sense.

"Yeah, and you all had better have one helluva reason to be in my room right now."

When the other two failed to respond, Dorian, again, decided to break the ice. "Well,  _I_ had been worried that our illustrious leader had been slacking off again."

Josie is the next to snap out of it. "And I was hoping to discuss the matters of Halamshiral with you."

Cullen, still a blazing red, mostly mutters his response. "I was hoping to, ah, go over strategy for Adamant..."

"Well then. No, I was done with my moping. I'd be happy to discuss Halamshiral and our newest recruit over tea this afternoon. And, we can discuss Adamant over some chess shortly after. Now, if you don't mind, I think I'm going to enjoy the rest of this song in a bit of peace and quiet."

On the way out, Dorian quipped. "We must talk on your taste in music later, sweetie." Ass. But a lovable ass.

"Eat it, Pavus! I'll get your mom on you!"

"Oh, the horror..."

And with that, I begrudgingly get dressed and go back to my duties.


	29. Things and Politics

So. Halamshiral is coming up really soon. Like, I have to be ready to leave tomorrow. I had forgotten that in the lore it was a pre-scheduled event, like they won't wait for me. So, here I am going over dancing with Josie.

"Okay, but what if I hand everyone glow sticks and we just rave? That sounds like a brilliant idea. Can we do that instead?"

"Is a rave always like the one you had shown me?" She gives me a quizzical look.

"...maybe. They don't all have the thing with the monkey, but still."

She gave me a dissaproving sigh. "Inquisitor, no. We will not have you be so degrading in front of the entire Council of Heralds. No matter what you say, they will disapprove of that."

"But we could write it off as cultural differences!"

"It is bad enough you refuse to wear a corset-"

"Torture device."

"-But on top of that, you wish to wear a dress that revealing. Anything else might make them alienate us as heretics and loonies."

"It doesn't even show my knees! This is a good length."

"Perhaps for you, but the court will see it as improper."

"Well the court can suck it."

"Inquisitor..."

"Fine, yes mum. I will be a good little doll. Just because I don't like them doesn't mean I can't act like it."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Heyo, I have another fic in the same universe as this one! It has a blind qunari and she's precious. My lil baby... http://archiveofourown.org/works/4538739/chapters/10330005


	30. Things and feels

Josephine was at the basement door again. "Inquisitor? We went over this, you can't lock yourself up like this again!"

I sat at my computer with teary eyes. I sniffled "Go away. Not right now. I got the feels and I can't get up."

Josie enters the room to find me just past where Leandra dies in DA2. "Inquisitor...?"

"Myeh... Mama Hawke just died and it gets to me every goddamn time... I need a hug." I probably looked like a sniveling child, but Hawke was all alone now. This wasn't Eden, to clarify, it was another that I had made as a mage, but she ended up losing Carver too.

"Excuse me?" Oh, right the hug.

"Josie, I got the feels, and I can't get up. Halp." I give a pouty face, because god dammit I am still a kid inside.

She sighs and plops down next to me, "Of course. Do simple games truly move you so?"

"Games? Right. I mean, you get attached to the characters, and they make you laugh, and then because Bioware can't ever keep a story happy, they let shit hit the fan. They are designed to get you attached and then they just rip your heart out and call it good storytelling. 'Oh, you want to get with a funny broody elf? Too bad, he left.' 'Ha, you liked the crazy cat-loving warden? So does everyone else, oops. He's now a mass murderer and a fugitive. Good luck with that.' 'What? You find the bubbly Dalish girl cute? Turns out you may make a wrong move and get her whole clan killed. Good job, asshole.'"

"It cannot be that bad..."

"Oh no. Its worse. That was only a part of the second game. Didn't even mention the other two. As an elven inquisitor, if you make one wrong move? Whole family wiped out, and you're told through a letter. Again, same exact situation with the broody elf, except twenty times worse because so far he hasn't come back. And in the Blight? Only have a happy ending in one of the six backgrounds if you want to be with Alistair. To win, you have to sacrifice a baby or yourself! Were you a dwarven noble? That dwarf you liked? He got a family and now doesn't associate with you after he was raised alongside you. The list goes on and on."

I just kind of sit there while Josie tries her best to relax me. "But here, you can make better choices, yes?"

"I don't know if I can, though. If I don't go through with the main stuff, I lose certainty of winning. I don't think I can do that..."

"Whatever your choices, we will follow you to the end."

"Yeah. That's what I'm worried about."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry. But I did just watch Leandra die, and oh my god, the feels ;-; Yay for Josie cuddles though.


	31. Things and Talks

"I said you were grounded from video games!" I give Cullen a disappointedsigh. I had caught him playing as his Inquisitor again. At least he wasn't on a romance cutscene this time.

"That was a month and a half ago! I can play now, right?"

"Nope. Because you went ahead and decided to go against rule number one. Again. And you've already passed where we are now, so at this point there's just damage control..." I plop down in the beanbag next to him. "How goes it, by the way? Haven't seen you in a while."

"Paperwork and strategies. On occasion, I get to work with new recruits. Invigorating." The sarcasm is strong in this one. Am I rubbing off on him?

"Well, what do you think of the romances so far?" I get an impish grin.

"I do not act like that! ...Do I?"

"Yep. You are and always will be my little pretty boy." I pat his shoulder fur since I can't reach his head. Got the point across.

"I can assure you I can be intimidating when I want to be." I can't tell if that was flirting or threatening.

"Yeah... No. I have read waayyy too many dark Cullen fics for my taste. Stay the baby cub and we'll do just fine. Don't go Dom on me any time soon, please."

He just gives me a smirk and replies in a sing-song tone. "Of course, Inquisitor. I shall do whatever you say, then." 

Muahahaha. "You'll regret that."


	32. Things and Wardens

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I won't be able to upload daily for a long while, since school is now a thing again. I will however, write when I get free time.

The advisors, Hawke, Stroud and I were all in the war room. Everyone else was basically waiting to get to the elephant in the room, so once the results from the previous meeting was done, I just went right out and said it. "So. Adamant. We can expect a helluva battle, people, but if you all want specifics, now would be the time."

"Why exactly are we here? I had considered myself retired." Hawke had given me that ever-present smirk of hers.

"Well, if you two don't listen to my orders, one or both of you have an extremely large chance of being dead. I have a plan to prevent it, but not so sure if it would work or not."

"Oooh, a plan? Let's hear it!"

"I was thinking Anders grade explosions. Maybe even Conclave grade, if I can manage. Always been a bit of a pyromaniac."

Stroud had piped up. "You cannot be serious?! Not only is that entirely disrespectful, but incredibly reckless!" He slammed a fist against the table for emphasis. 

"I'm not making light of anything, and the explosion will be contained, no needless casualties. Unless you would rather simply die in vain facing a creature entirely too powerful for you?"

He had started to say something, but thought better of it. Good man.

"Now look, we'll be facing down a Nightmare demon eventually. But not in Adamant. That bridge will be burned later. So, if we could get some runes for the occasion..." I turn to Josie expectantly.

"Of course." She gave a little bow. She almost spilled the ink in her clipboard thingy.

"Perfect. I'll be taking Solas, Cassandra and Varric with me, be sure they have runes too. It'll take about four days of travel for my group, probably a day or two more for the rest of the forces, the battle will be about half a day, so we can make it before Halamshiral if we move efficiently. Now, Leliana, I need your scouts in the area ready to infiltrate and take out the wardens on the battlements. That'll knock off a good half hour of the battle. With them taken care of, it will be easier for Cullen's men to get through. Trust me, you'll know when the battle will be over. And remember, the mages are not in their rjght minds, but the other wardens can be reasoned with. If possible, try to talk them out of fighting, they're just following orders."

With that, it was mostly done. Nothing really interesting happened until we had gotten to Adamant itself.

The whole battle played out pretty much as expected. I didn't have to worry about the battlements, so I just went straight for Clarel, shooting down demons that were in my way. Things were gonna get good.

The sane wardens left had been practical, teaming up with us instead of fighting us and the demons. Clarel still died though, which... yikes. Not fun to watch.

Then, everything changed when the Fade opened up. Avatar, anyone? No? Okay.

So that leads us to right now, with Solas fanboying, Varric freaked out slightly, and Cassandra... being Cassandra.

"To be physically in the Fade, I never thought I could truly be here!"

"Hey, Solas. Remember our talk? No showing excitement or touching anything. See how you like it."

He gave me a look that was kind of a death stare, but kind of a child being told they couldn't afford everything in the candy store. He only responded in Elven a curt "As you wish, little one."

"Ass. Anyways, let's go, we have a Divine to meet up with."

Cassandra was pulled to attention. "What?!"

"There wasn't a body and you didn't once think about that? It never occurred to you that she was still in the Fade? Granted, she probably died, but... There isn't an explanation for that part. I'm partial to the spirit of Faith theory, but I could also see it being her soul before moving on to whatever passes as an afterlife." I glance at Solas. "Not like Falon'din is available right now." The elf's slightly less metaphorical hackles raised. 

"Maybe Sera was right, you sure you weren't supposed to be an elf? Their language, knowlege, now you share their religion?" Varric, you traitor.

"Yeah, after you meet two of their deities, kind of hard to deny that. You've met one of them before, Varric. Just didn't know it."

He chuckled. "Oh yeah? Which one?"

Solas was staring daggers into my back. But that didn't stop me. "Mythal. The All-mother. Currently referred to as Asha-Bellanar by the elves. Humans know her as Flemeth, or the Witch of the Wilds."

"The crazy old lady was Mythal? Nope. Don't see it."

"Dude, she had turned into a dragon- the animal depiction of most elvhen gods- she had dealings with two heroes, she's been around for centuries. Need I go on? Because we go to her temple and she flat out says so afterwards."

A befuddled Hawke chimes in after a while. "So, I had joked around with an elven god, and almost sold part of her to a random Free Marcher?"

"Yup, pretty much. You also spent time travelling with her."

After that things played their course until it came time to fight Nightmare. 

I tried to summon some TNT, and score! Fade to the rescue. While we were battling the demons, I had surrounded the clearing with dynamite and set up the trigger near where we would be leaving.

After defeating the big guy, I had scrambled everyone out and grabbed the device. On the other side of the rift, before I could even take in my surroundings, I had detonated it, and the Rift all but closed, jammed open by the wire through it. I tossed the device back through and only then did I realize where we were. Riverview Plaza. A few blocks away from my fucking apartment.

Fuck.


	33. Things and Tech

So. While everyone else is all wall-eyed, I have figured out where exactly we are. We're in a park that's just a block and a half away from the apartment. 

"Hey, Bambi, you gonna follow me, or you gonna stare at everything that isn't a tree?"

"Bambi?" Solas had snapped out of scholar mode temporarily. 

"Yeah. You guys look like deer in headlights. Bambi is a famous deer? Pop culture reference."

"You never did explain what qualified you culture as one that pops."

I snorted. "Nah, dude. Pop is just short for popular. Popular culture is just something that can be found worldwide. So, jeans or phones. Disney and Pixar movies are pop culture... You guys would qualify I think. Inquisition was a huge success last I heard, and any gamer worth their salt would've at least heard of, if not played it." I had made my way to the exit of the park while we were talking abd was currently on the way home.

Cass just couldn't not ask questions, though, stubborn as she is. "Do you know where you are taking us, or are you as lost as us?"

"Yep. Heading to the apartment. Hope May keeps the key in the same spot as usual, cause mine is in my backpack. Which is still in the apartment. I think."

After about 5 minutes, we had made it to the front door of my apartment. Aha! There's a small groove on top of the door frame where we always kept the spare key. You wouldn't be able to see it unless you knew it was there.

"May! Home!" I enter kind of unceremoniously, plopping myself onto the couch while the others kind of float around the foyer.

May enters slowly, and she looks like she just saw a ghost- oh. So we're going for that cliché. "Dani? B-but you can't be here..." Her face twists from fear to anger. "What the hell kind of game is this?! I saw the body and everything, you- you died!" She looks up to the cieling. "Yeah, if this was the punchline, you need better fucking jokes!"

"Hey. You know all those shitty fanfics I tried to get you to read? Where a girl gets sent to Thedas or Middle Earth or something? Welp..."

As if on cue, the gang comes into the living room, and Solas asks in Common, "There was yelling, are you alright, Inquisitor?"

May falls back and plays it off as leaning on the wall. "Nope. No way. That is not him. You did not bring home a video game character. I'm just finally going crazy. Yup."

Solas' ears perk up? So they can move? Hm. "So people here speak Elvhen?" At this point, he switches languages. "Thank you for the hospitality." He checks behind him towards the others and lowers his voice. "I suppose I can assume you know who I am? The Inquisitor tells me my... history, is rather common knowledge here."

May was kind of shell-shocked. "Fen. Fucking. Harel. Danielle, no offense, but you should die more often." She gets a huge ass grin on her face. "So! I have a hot ass Elvhen god in my living room. Wait. I said that out loud, didn't I? Not important." She turns to me. "How the hell did this even happen? I come home to find you a fucking vegetable, and now you're telling me you're the fucking Inquisitor?"

"Yeah that pretty much covers it. I think there's something going on with Cullen and I, but... I dunno."

"Wait. You're going after Cullen? I figured... you know. So you're still in the hate portion, then?"

"Yeah. A helluva lot easier when he's actually around all the time to be an ass."

"But it's such a nice one- oh. Ahem. Solas, would you excuse us? And you can tell the others she's fine."

He gives a small bow. Think he's hiding a smirk. "Of course, my lady."

She flops down next to me on the couch. "Soo. Not going after the egg? I would. He's even hotter in person."

"Not all of us are blinded by our fangirling, May..."

"I've fangirled, and I can't get up." She trails a finger from eye to chin, a lone tear. "I mean. Really, though. What the hell happened to you? I came home to you lying on the couch! You were brain-dead and everything! Do you remember anything?"

"Well at Adamant, the memories were the same. The best I got was that I took over for Trevelyan? I'm still me, so I don't have to worry about that, but... I dunno. It was kind of like I just, poof, Thedas. I was just chilling at home last I remember."

"So... the sleep thing then? Fall asleep, wake up in a new world? Little cliché,but hey. Survived it, right?"

"Oh, so you actually read the fics I showed you?"

"... I skimmed them." Her smirk says otherwise.

"But seriously, half my time there was clichés! Meeting Mister Wolf mid hunt, Cullen Awkwardness, Pranking with Sera... Me being... me."

May tried to stifle a laugh. "You probably would've burned the place down if it weren't made if stone!"

Yeah, probably true...


	34. Things and Food

"Why must you keep all the other doors locked? Do you truly not trust us that much?" Cass pops her head in from the halls.

"Cass, I told you, apartments. That hall leads to the different apartments. They don't  _belong_ to me, nor do I have a key to them. This door leads to the only part I own. Though, I guess I'm dead, so I don't own anything..." The whole 'explain all of modern culture' became a little grating after a while, but hell. I took a month and a half to settle into Thedas, and I at least had a basis on what I should expect. I turn towards May and switch back to English. "By the way, please tell me you had a miraculous wave of sentimentality when I died and you managed to leave my room untouched?"

She levels me with that look. The one that can only be described by the words following them, "Really? You know me better than that, I needed the money. I had to double up on jobs, sell all your things and on top of that, I had to cash in that favor with" she shudders "Nathan..."

I inhale through my teeth, that's some serious stuff. Nathan had been her... lover? I guess? It wasn't ever official or anything, but they were seeing each other for over a year when she finally had enough of all his sleaziness. Coming home drunk on tequila, crashing that sports car of his, his general rich douchebaggery, you name it. The only reason they got together- if you could call it that -was that he was filthy fucking rich, by our standards. "That bad, huh? Well, now that I'm not a student since I don't have to worry about the law, I could totally work full-time while I'm here. And I doubt these guys would even be able to sit around the house... They could help out too."

Solas had gotten up from the couch, "Inquisitor, whilst I don't object to assisting while we are stuck here,  _please_ remember that there is a battle going on back home. We cannot stay for long." Oh. Right, that...

"Well, I mean. Pretty sure I could go whenever I wanted to... The anchor brought us here, it could bring us back. At least, I think so, hold up..." I have to concentrate a lot harder to actually open up to the Fade, but I managed. I had remembered a story I had heard is social studies, that one man walks around with a backpack with a million dollars in it. Total success!! "MAY! I just hooked you up! Guess what's in this pack!"

She looked at me with disbelief. "What- how- ...What do you have?"

I opened up the pack with a huge ass grin, as she's presented with more money than either of us have ever seen! "A million dollars, bitch!!"

The Thedosians all stare at us as we freak the fuck out, we were jumping and dancing, and don't you fucking judge us, the most we've ever had was about $800, before bills and taxes. May had exclaimed in a deep voice, "We gon' get steaks for dinner!"

I bow with a flourish and a grin still plain on my face. "Allow me to provide, miss." I reach back into the small rift and grab plate after plate of steaks. After traveling with the others, I already knew how they liked steaks, and knowing May, she would want it well done.

"So... you can just make anything with that?" She points to the rift with a little apprehension.

"Yup, pretty much. 'S how I got the flower crown before Adamant."

She gives a little huff. "Ardent Blossom, Dani. Not just 'a flower crown'... It's infused with magic, use its name."

"Yes, ma'am..."

Varric pulls me aside. He's been surprisingly quiet now that I think about it. "So. Who's this, and what the hell's going on? She acts like a parent, but she looks around your age and nothing like you."

"Heh, there's a story, alright... The short version is she's my cousin through a recent marriage, legal guardian and life-long friend. The longer version includes quite a bit of shit that I'd prefer to not talk about right now. Part of my tragic backstory, you know?" I added flourishes to 'tragic backstory' for effect.

"Holy shit, the fuck is happening?!" May jumps out of her chair when I realize what she was referring to. There's a... thing. Kinda looks like a hand. And it's reaching through the rift.

A distorted voice comes from the rift, speaking Elvhen. "I believe you've had plenty of vacation, Miss Cooper. It's time to go back, even if I must drag you there." It almost sounds like an old woman...? Ah. Of course she would be involved.

"Of course, Asha'bellanar. Not quite sure which you want me to call you, but hell, made it work with Solas. Probably should've known you were involved with this. We're on our way now." I head to the rift, when a hand grabs my arm.

I turn around to a determined May looking right at me. "Hell. No. You ain't about to leave me again, Dani. I'm goin' with you."

I turn to the group. "Statistics on how much the others'll flip out if we bring May?"

Cassandra is the first to speak. "If I vouch she isn't a danger, I believe it will dispel most doubts."

I snort. "Yeah, you're the first to shout 'demon' in any situation, if you think it's good, the others would be crazy to not believe you..."

And with that, we all found ourselves in the courtyard of Adamant, by the looks of it, no time passed at all from when we were scheduled to be back. And instead of Hawke telling me to choose to denounce the Herald-y thing again, I'm greeted by Cullen pointing his sword at May.

"Hey. No, bad Curly! Here I am bringing the family to meet you, and the first thing you do is to shove a sword in her face? Rude, dude..."

"Family...?"

I ignored his question, and addressed the wardens. "The demons are gone. It took a great deal of effort, but not nearly as much that was required by your organization ten years ago. Now, I understand that you are not all to blame for what has happened. After all, most of you were simply following orders. But really? They start slaughtering you off and you don't think you could have at least said something to someone on the outside about it?" I sigh and pinch the bridge of my nose. "Now. If you all can behave more like people and a little less like blind cattle, the Inquisition would be more than happy to welcome you. Your service has been much appreciated, and I believe it's about time someone gave back without need of a Rite of Conscription." I turn to Stroud. "Ser, can I trust you can send a message to Weisshaupt to inform them of this development?"

He salutes me- never gets any less weird -and gives a stern "Yes, ma'am."

"Good. Hawke, you and any of your friends who'd be willing are more than welcome back at Skyhold. I'm sure Varric would like his old drinking buddies back." I nudge his arm for added effect. "And Commander. Yes, she's my cousin, and I hope you can avoid stabbing her."

And finally, Adamant was officially over. Now for Halamshiral... with my effectively mute cousin. Oh joy.


	35. Things and Road Trips

You know those little spiky things that come from bushes? They say they're seeds, but used like non-desert cacti in cartoons? Yeah, that's pretty much how I could describe May right about now. That girl is as much of a Solasmancer as you can get.

"Goddamn language barriers! So fucking arbitrary!"

"Actually, I had asked Google about it. Apparently, they speak Welsh, believe it or not. Now, you and I both know what that mean."

The two of us grin, "Google Translate to the rescue!"

There was a ruffle and eventually sniggering. May had said in Common, "Since I'm the head of the house, I have been treated better than better than her. And I expect you to call me Lady of Spring hereafter."

Everyone involved had laughed to varying degrees, I was the winner. "And this, boys and girls, is why we learn a language ourselves instead of relying on Google."

The ride was pretty uneventful until that night. May always was rather vocal in her distaste for the outdoors. Well, she was when it wasn't a necessity. "How the hell can you guys stand these horses? And why doesn't Solas have a hart? The Red Hart would totally suit him. Oh! Or the Pride of Arlathan." She snickered, and the irony wasn't lost on me. "Remember that one post? Local man, ruins everything!"

Now I'm laughing along. "Or that one gif with Abelas, 'Wolf Hunt dlc'? I kinda want to try that! Probably tiny enough for him to carry me, right?"

"Oh, please tell me you just told Solas the Fade looked really green, and just left it at that?"

I had begun cacklimg at this point. "Even better, told him he couldn't talk or touch anything!"

Solas coughs on his horse. "You two realize I can understand you, yes?"

May had tapered off her laugh. "Of course, old man. But it doesn't make it less funny when you blush like that."

I add in a wistful voice. "May, alas! You cannot trust this man!"

In a matching timbre she replies. "Forsooth! Why ever not, my lady?"

"He has left a great deal of women behind! Do you not see the danger in such activities?" Now it was less wistful, and more Les Mis.

"As the wisest and Swiftest once said my dear, 'I love the players, and you love the Game'. And I certainly have already written his name upon the proverbial tree, dearest."

" 'Tis your own pyre we shall burn, then. Parting with you is such sweet sorrow..." I wish I had a skull- wait. I pull out a sugar skull from the Fade, like the ones used for Day of the Dead without the paint. "What light upon yonder window breaks?" At that point, I had gone back to my regular voice. "Obviously morning, dummy."

At this point all the others were pretty lost. Oh, right, update on the crew! So, with us, heading to Halamshiral is Solas, Vivienne, Dorian, and Sera. Along with all the advisors.

Dorian was the first to comment. "I do hope she can learn Common soon, it looks like they're finding something extremely entertaining, and to be honest, I want in."

After translating for May, she grinned and through me had replied, "Dorian? Not being the peacock, but a conformist?! Perish the thought! Too marvelous to need to fit in."

"Oh, I approve of this one, Danielle. You may keep her."

Oh! Right! "By the way, May. I managed to mom Sera so much that I may or may not have adopted her. Keep an eye out for that."

"Oh, god... Tell me you weren't lording over them the whole time?"

"Nah. I think we established pretty early on that for the big stuff I really know what I'm doing, but anything day to day and I'm kinda boned. Early on, they kinda just went with the flow. But now that they know, it's a much more verbal opinion tank."

"Opinion tank? Really?"

"Shut up, I had already messed up grammar, and that seemed the best way to fix it. It happens to the best of us."

"So, judging by the bow, you aren't a mage? I wanna be a mage."

"Yeah, fire hands would be pretty badass."

I see May furrowing her brow and concentrating on her hand- holy shit! Fire hand!

"Aw, hell yeah! Mage!"

"Hey- how come I can't have magic? Boo..."

"My dear, you might have warned us your friend here was a mage, we could have accommodated." Vivienne had spoken up from her ramen. Heh, food of the scholars.

"Yeah, that whole thing there? We just found out when you did. Not a secret or anything."

"Hey, so who am I supposed to talk to for a tent?" Oh, yeah... that might be a problem. Dorian is with Solas, Viv with Josie, Leliana and Sera, Cullen and the boys are switching off on watch, so that's good. Ah, perfect! "You and me, girl! It'll be like that time we went camping, except this time out of choice and not stupid banks!"

"Ugh, fucking Nathan... But yeah, that's cool!"

She found Herself in the field again. Alone with nothing but the wind, as per usual. But this time, She wasn't alone. The girl was with Her. "Dani? You real?" "Never been asked that by a demon before. I take it you're actually her this time?" "Pretty sure, yeah. Does that make this the Fade, then?" She snickers. "Not only a mage, but a Dreamer. I guess any tropes I don't fill, you do." She collapses in the tall grass, while the other joins Her. They lay in amiable silence, until, "Teach me Common here? It'll be easier in the Fade, most things are" the other added the final statement with a smirk. And so, She spent Her time dreaming by helping teach the other how to speak.

I kept having those dreams so often, that by the time we reached the gates to the Winter Palace, she was fluent enough to talk to everyone.

But now she just has to be good enough for politics, hooray. 


	36. Things and Masks

So, while we're still in the carriage, I go over the Game plan. "Alright. Cullen, you keep an eye out for any of Gaspard's men coming through. Leliana, May and I will be reporting to you regularly with any and all gossip. Josie, you and Yvette can enjoy yourselves and mingle. Sera, I know there are stashes from your Friends, so if you could get a rough map, that'd be awesome. Viv, Dorian, I doubt you two could mess anything up, assuming you don't outshine the Empress. May. I need you to slip in and out of the party finding all the collectibles, since you're the one who memorized the locations for some ungodly reason... And everyone keep an eye out for the assassins."

Cullen had sputtered. "Assassins? As in plural? Was this information not important?"

"Well, One assassin plus lackeys. But it's Orlais, that's par for the course."

May pumps a fist. "Imma get all the hallas! You want me to get the loot while I'm at it?"

"You know my strategy, May. It's not even a question." I realize I should elaborate for the others. "To be absent during a party is extremely rude. So, I don't grab the loot, I just run out. Typically, I won't even fight the enemies unless I have to. I brought two- three mages because that mixed with explosive arrows should take them all out the fastest."

May chose this point to whine. "But why not Solas?"

"Because in a game it's fine, but after living with the dude, the last thing I want to hear is- and I quote, 'I do love the heady blend of danger, intrigue and sex that permeates these events.' That was creepy then, and it's creepier now."

"Well, I think it was kinda hot."

"May. Real people now. Act like it."

She blushes at the realization. "Oh... right. Sorry."

After that, one of the castle's servants had let us out of the carriage. I could already feel almost all eyes on me, focused on my outfit. Are you ready, cause I'm about to get all poetic on this shit. After a few alterations to make it a little more acceptable, it reached down to my feet with blue vitriol accents that resembled stardust, and somehow I had managed to actually simulate a moving night sky into my sleeves, which reached down to the ground in a flowing kind of way. The dress itself was a deep blue with a pearlescent effect that made it seem purple in candlelight, reaching a little lower than I'd like in the chest area to show off a necklace with sapphires and an emerald. My flower crown was replaced with a circlet that matched the necklace, and I had earrings too, hidden under my hair. Which, by the way, had been done up in curls for the occasion. All in all, I looked fucking gorgeous.

Gaspard had approached. "It is a great pleasure to meet you, my Lady Inquisitor. The rumors coming out of the Western Approach say you battled an army of demons. Imagine what the Inquisition could accomplish with the full support of the rightful Emperor of Orlais."

I feign ignorance with a coy smile. "And which one  _was_ the rightful ruler again, Grand Duke? I seem to have forgotten..."

I can see the ghost of a smile under his mask. "The handsome, charming one, my lady. I am not a man who forgets his friends, Inquisitor. You help me, and I may help you. Are you prepared to shock the court further by walking into the court with a hateful usurper? I have no doubt they will be telling stories of this into the next age."

I may be going in with one, but I sure as hell ain't coming out with one. Never did like Gaspard, but I didn't let them know that. "I can guarantee that much. If you haven't heard, I'm... gifted with foresight. It is a tremendous help for my organization. And it's allies of course. I can assure you, these so called 'peace talks' will be over before midnight."

He gives a pleasant chuckle, but it doesn't reach his eyes. "Well, that is quite useful. In that case, I count myself lucky to be among your friends, if not partners. And as a friend, perhaps there is a matter you could undertake this evening? This elven woman Briala- I suspect that she intends to disrupt the negotiations. My people have found these 'Ambassadors' all over the fortifications. Sabotage seems the least of their crimes."

"I assure you, if they are a threat, I will know about it, and deal with it accordingly. Though if all you have on them is they've been in the palace... keep in mind you and I are guilty of the same accusation, ser."

"However, that 'Ambassador', Briala, used to be a servant of Celene's. That is until my cousin decided to have her arrested for crimes against the Empire to cover up a political mistake. If anyone wishes Celene harm, Inquisitor, it's that elf. She certainly has motivation enough."

"I swear to be as discreet as possible, then."

"I detest this Game, but if we do not play it well, our enemies will make us look the antagonists tonight. Ah, but we are keeping the court waiting. Shall we?" He extends his arm to me.

We walk up to the upper courtyard with our arms linked before he breaks off to attend to some noble or other. I nod towards May and she darts off to where a halla statuette is, then up for gossip and a storage room. By the time Josie lectures me on all of the political rules, May returns with loot and info.

"Is that the Inquisitor?"

"I had heard rumors she was an Otherworlder, but with an outfit like that... I must speak to her tailor." Already up on my court approval. Now imagine if we all came looking like Nutcrackers? Shameful.

"My Lady. If I may trouble you? I have lost a very valuable ring, and I simply  _must_ have it back!"

I pause to acknowledge her and grab the ring from the fountain. "Is this the ring, Madame?"

"You are a treasure!" She grabs the ring with grace and greed in equal measure. "I cannot believe you found it! You are a treasure!"

"When one owns the biggest power in Southern Thedas, one must always recognize the important things." And with that, I head into the Vestibule.

The Grand Duke and I inform the announcer of our arrival. "And now presenting: Grand Duke Gaspard du Chalons. And accompanying him, The Lady Inquisitor!" I give a polite bow to the Empress from across the room as I can hear all the gasps at my arrival. Have I mentioned how fucking badass my dress looked compared to the same seven other outfits? As I sauntered over down the hall, I hear the others being announced. "Accompanying the Inquisitor, Madame Vivienne, First Enchanter of the Circle of Magi, Enchanter of the Imperial Court, mistress of the Duke de Ghislain. Lord Dorian Pavus, member of the Circle of Vyrantium, son of Lord Halward Pavus of Asariel. Her Ladyship, Mai Bhalsych of Korse." Followed by snickering from Sera and May in equal parts.

After that, I tuned out of the announcer and paid more attention to the crowd's murmurs. "I had heard she was a political outcast?" "I had met her months ago; she seems such an inadeptate at the Game." "I still belive it is all bluster. That outfit screams overcompensation." Ahh, of course. Maker forbid a nobody could infiltrate their ranks so very easily, there must be a trick to it.

"Cousin. My dear sister."

"Grand Duke, we are always honored when your presence graces our court." She totally sounds like he  _didn't_ start a fucking civil war in her country.

"Don't waste my time with pleasantries, Celene. We have business to conclude."

"We will see to the negotiations after we have seen to our other guests, cousin." Gaspard did that terribly corny bow. "Lady Inquisitor. We welcome you to the Winter Palace. Allow us to present our cousin, the Grand Duchess of Lydes, without whom this gathering would never have been possible."

May and I had come to an agreement after our first playthroughs that Florianne looked like a wrinkly version of Miley Cyrus. Now that I've pointed it out, you can never unsee that. "What an unexpected pleasure. I was not aware the Inquisition would be part of our festivities. We will certainly speak later Inquisitor."

I don't know how I didn't peg her as the assassin. That exit just screamed 'Evil Villain, moohahaha!' Celene hadn't even flinched, but she no doubt noticed how fishy that was. "Your arrival at court is like a cool wind on a Summer's day."

Following in her poetic-ness, I respond in kind. "Let us hope the breeze does not herald an oncoming storm."

"Even the wisest mistake fair winds for foul. We are at the mercy of the skies, Inquisitor. How do you find Halamshiral?"

"Truly beyond words, Impératrice. I find no words to do it credit in Common."

"In Common? We were not informed you knew Orlesian."

"And Elvhen, Your Majesty." I had lapsed to English, sounding as reverent as I could "Honestly, you people are quite entertaining. Even if a little dense." I could hear May trying to stifle a laugh. Thankfully, she had succeeded.

"How charming! Feel free to enjoy the pleasures of the ballroom, Inquisitor. We look forward to watching you dance." I bow and make an exit.

Leliana was waiting for me by the stairs. "Inquisitor. A word, when you have a moment."

Directly after, I was bombarded by Yvette. "Josephine, oh, Josephine, is this her?"

With a sigh, Josephine interrupts her sister. "Inquisitor, please allow me to present to you my younger sister. Yvette Gabriella Montilyet."

"Ah. Piacere di conoscerla."

"Oh! You speak Antivan? Better and better!"

"Heh. Poco. Believe it or not, I am partially Antivan on my mother's side." Well, Italian, French, and Scottish. America!

"I have heard so much about you! But not nearly as much as I want... They say you had appeared from thin air, and even more, you can make other things do the same!"

I had let myself giggle. "Why, yes. Both are true. In fact, I can do so at any time. However, doing so in the middle of a ballroom would stir up unnecessary trouble." Out of the corner of my eye, I can see May looking like a honeybee, constantly moving and determined.

Yvette had been talking for a while when May approached. "Miss, if I may?" She's totally being satirical, but I guess I am too.

We go over to a less crowded area, where May begins to give me her report. In English, so no one could eavesdrop. "Alright. I have all the halla I can get right now, I did the statue puzzle, and I got a shit ton of gold. After you go through the servant's area, I can go sweep it back again, check for loot. And everyone's talking about Comtesse Poisson did so and so, or Marquis Yeux had to do this... All generic Noble shit."

I tried my best to not laugh out loud. "I know you don't take French, but do you realize what those surnames translate to?"

"Um... no, why?" So they were actual nobles, sweet.

"Countess Fish, and Marquis Eyes."

Yeah, if anything else, I'll have gotten blackmail on a lady named Miss Fish.


	37. Things and Gowns

"Inquisitor! Did you need something? The sooner we track down this infiltrator the better." A wild Cullen appears!

Use Baby-doll eyes! "We're on double time, actually. Why? Not enjoying your current company?"

Dani lowered his attack! "Well... now I am." Attack sucessful! Ok, I'll stop.

"You know, we could dance for a while. Come on." I grab his hand and take him away form his harassers. "To the Vegetable!"

I can hear a small chuckle from behing me. "You mean the Vestibule?"

"Yeah. I call it the Vegetable, cause it make it more funny. May does the same thing, so if you don't like it, take it up with her."

"Hw  _did_ your cousin arrive? You went through the Face, then she came back with you- did you expect no one to wuestion that?"

"Pfft. After all we've seen? All the crazy shit that happens to us, and you still get caught offguard? When we went through the Fade, and tried to come back, thew first time, we ended up going to my world. But then, an Elven God decided we shouldn't stay long, and we had to go back. May basically had invited herself along, and how could I say no to my best friend? She was the only one I actually missed- not that I let it show- and having her here A) makes my job two times easier, and B) means I have no other ties to Earth, nothing else to miss."

"Wait- an  _Elven God_ spoke to you?" He looks at me with shock and I can just hear the 'BLASPHEMY!" in his head. We stop at the end of the Hall of Heroes and kind of just stand there.

"Mythal, yeah. This makes it the..." I count on my fingers for emphasis, "fifth? Fifth time I've met with her. Unless she was the one who brought me here, that'd make it sixth. And I'll meet with her again pretty soon... I dunno how the credit scene is gonna play out, but I assume I won't see it unless in a dream or vision or something. And that's discounting all the times she's been in fanfics since they aren't canon, but with those in mind, well over fifty times. I've met with others too. I think I met June a few times, and I know for a fact Fen'Harel is around here somewhere... There are those theories that Sera is Andruil... To be honest, I'm surprised you guys had considered them false. I mean, no offence, but really. You guys have this one guy who controls and knows everything with unwavering justice and reason. Total Gary Stu. Then, the Pantheon. They're a network of forces and people.  Who have extreme powers, but also flaws. They have alliances and enemies.  _Actual influence_ on the world, as opposed to your Maker whom 'the less you see, the realer He is' and for Christ's sake, they are still around!"

"You would readily believe more in the heathen gods than the Maker?" He looks kind of like a kicked puppy at this point, should probably backtrack.

"Nope. They exist, sure. But that doesn't mean I worship them. Maybe there is someone above them. Maybe the Maker is real, too. I certainly don't have the answers." See, this is why I don't talk religion with people. "But, what I do know is that if He is out there, then he sure as Hell has a twisted sense of humor." I begin to laugh a little for emphasis. "After all, who'd have thought that making an army against the Chantry would lead to  _us_ of all people in the Winter Palace?"

"This is certainly... not how I expected any of this to go, no." Wait, is he blushing?

More importantly, why am I still surprised when he does blush? I should probably fix that. "Well, besides that odd tangent, I believe I offered you a dance." I lead him back down to one of the hallways that's a little more secluded.

"You realize there is no music here, yews?" He kind of just stands there while I head to a table near the far wall.

"Well, obviously. I'm going to be playing my own music." I pull up my dress revealing leggings with pockets.

"W-what are you doing?" Aww, poor baby feeling embarrased?

"Getting my phone, you dweeb. Don't worry, if I was gonna strip for you, it certainly wouldn't be here." Out of one of the pockets, I produce my phone. "Are you ready?"

He looks at me almost warily. "Ready for what?"

Before I can answer, May enters the scene. "Hey. I heard rumors you dragged off- Aaand you did."

"Hey, we need a third dancer! This is perfect, I need you to join me!" I show her the screen without letting Cullen see. It's a surprise.

She actually laughs out loud! "Ohhh, alright! This will be beautiful. Cullen, get behind Dani then go to the right." She positions herself to my left.

"Are you going to tell me what exactly is happening?"

May responds with a grin. "Probably not what you were expecting. Follow my lead, and you'll be golden, Golden Boy."

I position the phone so Cullen can see the video now. "This is a huge blast from the past. Ready?"

I press play, and [the familiar tune](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=t5fJ4kT19NI) fills our little bubble of the hall.

Cullen actually got the hang of it after a while, and all in all it was pretty damn fun! May and I had been able to do most of it simply through muscle memory, which made the aftermath about ten times better. A very out of breath Cullen asks "Hah-how do you girls  _do_ that in heels?"

May ever so politely responds with "We distribute weight differently." And then not so politely adds an "And now imagine how much better we could do if we weren't in heels."

"May! He did wonderfully for his first time."

After an appreciative smile from Cullen, the bells- and May decides for us what to do next. "Well, sorry Commander, but our Inquisitor has things to do, people to talk to. You know how it is."

I head off towards the Grand Ballroom again, where I'm met by an old friend. "Well, well. What have we here>? The leader of the new Inquisition, fabled Herald of the faaith. Delivered from the grasp of the Fade by the blessed Andraste herself. What could bring such an exhalted creature here to the Winter Palace, I wonder? Do even you know?"

Oh my god, how I've missed this smartass! I try my very best not to grin like an idiot and try to respond as cooly as I can. Unfortunately, focusing on not losing my shit meant I had gone to English. "I could ask the same of you, shouldn't you be with Kieran?"

I shocked Morrigan. Guys. Do you know what this means? I. Shocked. Morrigan. She responds in Elvhen. So is this just going to be a whole convewrsation in Elvhen, then? Fine by me. Makes explanations harder to eavesdrop on. " _Kieran_ is being watched by some of the staff currently. How it is you know of him, much less his relationship to me, seems to be of much more curiosity."

I let a smirk form. "You know, if you want, I could fix that old mirror you told the Warden about? I don't know how accurate I can get, but it sounded lovely how you had described it." I'm having a vague-off with Morrigan. Guys.

"Indeed? Curiouser and curiouser, Inquisitor. And how do you know of these things?" She begins to circle me like a vulture. A very majestic and pretty vulture. Have I mentioned that Morrigan was my favorite Origins character yet?

"Well. About the same way I know your mother's true intentions from that grimoire, or her true nature, even. I could gladly trade information while I'm here."

"Indeed? Even I do not know such things, how a stranger such as yourself could... Forgive me if I do not readily believe you."

"Of course, afterall. 'You are required to do nothing, least of all believe. Shut one's eyes tight, or open one's arms wide... either way, one's a fool.' I would hope ten years does not ruin your memory enough to have forgotten those words?"

"Well well, we certainly have much to trade, it would seem. Perhaps not somewhere so open, Inquisitor? As the saying goes, The walls have ears." She leads me down towards the end of the Vegetable, informing me of the Venatori hanging around.

"Really? Well, we definitely have catching up to do, then, dear friend. Though perhaps I am not as dear to you anymore, now that the puppeteer has become yet another puppet?" I try to be vague, but that ball will drop eventually.

"And how is it you know so much of my time during the Blight? I believe you still owe me many explanations."

"Simple. I was watching over the Warden during that time. Consider her and I the same person, simply different faces, and judging by what I've heard of her, slightly different choices. Lingrean was definitely closer to my beliefs than, say, Tahan was, but I don't really like Leliana that way. I was lucky I had finished her story so recently, after hearing her name, I had recalled her choices easily."

"i see... However, there is a flaw to this tale. Lingrean had no knowlege more than I did regarding the Grimoire."

"Yes, that's true. However, because of the medium I had used to obtain this knowledge, I had acess to even more than you, dear. Thousands of minds, working together to decode all little details, hidden messages, et cetera, we had found something you did not. Flemeth never intended hostile possession."

She furrows her brows. "Then tell me, Inquisitor. Just what was Mother planning for me?"

"If I had to compare it to anything...? Akin to patchwork. The dress is still a dress, simply replacing a small part of it that has yet to be filled. What she has in store will not make you Flemeth in anything more than title, as far as I can tell. For it is not Flemeth that would be entering, but rather the... spirit that she holds dear to her. And the knowledge that comes with it. "

"And what exactly is this  _spirit_ that haunts Mother so?"

"Well, a God. How else do you think the woman has lived for so long? To be precise, Mythal. There is a reason you were raised to be interested in the history of the Elvhen, Morrigan. In the fate of the eluvians. She does not wish to posess you, simply pass on that sppark of godhood to you as a gift you were born to recieve."

She gives a small laugh. "So Mother wishes to make me the vessel of an Elvhen God? The All-Mother, no less? Forgive me if I still find that hard to believe."

I scoff. "Well, of course it sounds hard to believe! But is it any more believable than if I had told you eleven years ago that you would leave your forest to help an elven Circle Mage, a bastard prince, a chantry sister, a qunari, an Antivan Crow, a dwarf from Orzamaar and a war dog named Noodle to stop the world from ending? Or to talk to rhyming trees about stealing an acorn from a homeless man? Or to enter the Imperial Court? There are many things that seem impossible until they happen."

"True enough, Inquisitor. Well, I believe you have Tevinter agents to find. I shall not keep you to myself any longer." She bows and heads off to who knows where, while I gather the peeps.

Since I just ran through all the fighing (and didn't have to worry about the others getting left behind, stupid AI) the way to Briala was pretty fast. I don't know too much about her, but according to Lore Master May, she's pretty rad and is one of a handfull of people who knows how to open up eluvians.

Anyways, she headshots one of the guys left and waltzes up to me. "Fancy meeting you here. The Inquisitor. Slumming in the Servants' Quarters dressed like that? We haven't been properly introduced, have we? I am Ambassador Briala."

"A pleasure, Briala. Danielle, at your service."

"Strange how one of your position does not give their surname. Surely your family would have claimed you by now, yes?"

I was wondering when that would be brought up. "Indeed. Sadly, there is no family outside of a cousin of mine. Our surnames are different anyhow, it is of no use to her, nor to anyone else." Besides, Cooper isn't exactly a last name I can pull off in Thedas.

"Truly? Well, Madame Cooper, I suppose you have reasons to hide such a surname. I simply have yet to find them. A name so unique surely should have records, yes?" How the hell did she find out?

"Sadly, the reason I hide it isn't nearly as scandalous as one might think, Ambassador. It is because it is so unique that it was found wiser to hide it. You have heard the rumors surrounding me."

"An Otherworlder, capable of staring down enemies. They say you are omniscient. But you and I both know none of these are true."

"Well. The answer to that is nothing I would give a possible enemy. I had every intention of landing you as the newest Marquis, but it is always better safe than sorry."

"Such an exact goal before even talking to me? Patience is virtue, Inquisitor." She steps out onto the balcony. "I came down to save or avenge my missing people, but it seems you have beaten me to it. So, the Council of Heralds' emissary lies dead in the courtyard. That is not your work is it?"

I decided to follow the game as best I could before bagging her as an ally. "He was dead when I arrived."

"I had expected as much. You may have arrived with the Grand Duke, but you don't seem to be doing his dirty work. I knew he was smuggling in chevaliers, but mrudering a Council Emissary? Bringing in Tevinter assassins to the Palace? Those are desperate axts, Gaspard must be planning to strike tonight."

"Gaspard seems too inept at the Game to go through such a plan unnoticed."

"You also were considered inept. But after tonight's performance? The court's mind is quickly changing. Mine as well, I had misjudged you, Inquisitor. You might just be an ally worth having. What would you do with an army of elven spies at your disposal? You should consider it."

I give a political chuckle. "My dear Briala, have I not told you I already support your cause?"

"Merely cementing the idea. I know which way the wind is blowing. I bet coin you will be involved in the peace talks before the night is over. And if you manage to end it in our favour? It... shall prove advantageous for us both. Just a thought." And just like that, she jumps off the balcony.

I hear Dorian sigh happily. "There's so much coniving and backstabbing here, it makes me homesick."

As I head down to the ball, I respond in kind. "I'll remember to invite your mother next time then, Dorian!"

He blanches from the thnought. "You wouldn't dare..."

I couldn't hold it, I burst out laughing! "Of course not! Can't submit my favourite guy over to torture, now can I?"

"I should hope so..."

Anyways, we head inside and I get the guards to leave the trophy room. I managed to get the goods before the second bell and waited to be fashionably late.

"Ah. Inquisitor. We met briefly, I am Grand Duchess Florianne de Chalons. Welcome to my party."

Yeah, totally going by the game here. I kind of just autopilot the dance scene to get max court approval. Don't worry, I won't bore you with that.

Afterwards Josie approache me. "You'll be the talk of the court for months, if not years! We need to take you dancing more often."

"Of course. Now to teach the nobility the concepts of 'never wear the same outfit twice' and 'to be caught wearing the same thing as someone else is deadly'. They are both poular among the famous at home.

"Truly? To buy so many outfits would be terribly expensive..."

"Of course, Josie. That's the point. So much money that they can afford a new outfit daily. Anyways, you were saying?"

Leliana appears with Cullen, inadvertantly interrupting Josie. "Were you dancing with Duchess Florianne?"

"More importantly, what happened in the servan'ts quarters? I heard there was fighting!"

"I hope you can tell us more now, it appears the peace talks are crumbling."

"Well. Florianne is up to something, and I plan on reuniting Celene and Briala." They all glean what 'up to something' means and  Josie and Cullen immediately look to her. "Guys. There's no point to code words if you give it away anyways..."

Lelianana points out that she would totally throw Gaspard under the bus if push came to shove, and Josie points out warnig Celene would be useless.

Cullen pipes up looking a tinybit butthurt I didn't choose to help Gaspard. "So, what do you need to do next?"

"Welp. Some of it can be done by May." Speak of the devil...

"Sorry, I was halfway up the terrace when I heard the bells. I guess I didn't miss too much, have I squirt?"

"Nah. I was just getting to your part. I need you to go get the locket and bring it to me. And once you've done that, you can get Leliana all the gossip."

She gives a fake salute. "Yes, ma'am. Right away."

It's around this poinnt I have nobles lining up to chat with me. Good thing I had May, because I don't know how a single Inquisitor manages time here. Twenty women asking who my tailor was, at least ten marriage proposals, gossipmongers and about seven or eight people begrudgingly admitting I'm good at the Game and promptly asking for an alliance. After about forty nobles, May returns with a locket in tow.

"My Lady, may I present the most sentimental piece in the Empress' collection?" She shows it with a bow as the remaining nobles give a slight gasp and murmurs.

"I suppose I should see what her Majesty has to say about this. But remember, dear cousin. Strictly confidential." I basically set her up so she could get the attention here instead of me, as I slip out of the room and head to Briala.

"So. Give you three guesses as to where I found this."

She gawks at the locket in my hand, then looks sad. Awwh. "I assume tossed out of a window?"

"Nope. The Empress had it in a vault connected to her bedroom."

Her kicked puppy look turns into a normal puppy look! "Truly? But why would she keep it?"

"Because she still loves you, Briala. Or do you still doubt my ability?"

"If you managed to sneak your way into a place even I have never been... There can be no doubt as to your skill. But do you truly believe she still loves me?"

"Hey. Remember my promise? I can tell you right now, the foresight was true. I know how this can play out, and yes. You two can be reunited, and she will lift you to nobility to boot."

Aww, she almost looks teary eyed... Ok, she doesn't but she's Orlesian. She does give a gratifying thank you though. Next up, talking to the Empress about it.

 "So, Celene. A little bird told me you have a soft spot for the Ambassador."

She sighs. Not the first time hearing this, eh? "I assure you, I hold no favourites to any of my servants. Current or otherwise. The rumour surrounding Briala is just that, rumour."

"Of course, of course. Which is exactly why Briala herself told me she still loves you. And why you kept her locket under extremely high security. And why you had given her those looks through the night." I start to partially bluff, but it seems to pay off.

"I have nothing to prove to you, Inquisitor." She actually looks down on me? I feel hurt.

"Oh really? Well, here I am trying to get you two back together, stopping an assassin that you're either ignoring or not seeing, defeating your rebellious cousin, and still keeping an excellent air among your court despite being born a commoner. I believe if anything, I've done more at this ball alone than you have."

"And what exactly is it you believe I have been doing this whole time?"

"A whole lot of nothing. If you believe you're changing opinions tonight, you're wrong. If you believe you're the one who controls this in the end, you're wrong. Because the truth of the matter is, you could die tonight by the hands of an assassin, and the world wouldn't end."

"And what would you gain if I were to die?"

"Nothing I don't already have. And that is why I am not here to be the antagonist, Your Grace. I simply wish for you to think on how bad it would really be to admit you have feelings. Briala cares for you. And you for her."

"First you antagonize me on my choices, then you begin to celebrate the very same ones? Make a choice, Inquisitor. I have no time for this with a war going on outside these doors."

I decide to drop the whole fancy air at this point. "Hey. Blondie. Listen, okay? Thie whole nobility vagueness has been rubbing off on me. Pretty damn entertaining, too. But what I'm about to tell you, you'd better listen. I have power. I decide what to do with it. Now, the people out there might make a fuss initially, but you also have the power here. If you and I say Briala stays, then she fucking stays. Now she has been working her ass off just to get a little sympathy for her people. And frankly, I agree. If you aren't born a human in this world, then you're essentially screwed. Even then, mages are also boned. I'm not from around here, and that gives me a better perspective on this shit than someone influenced by this world. Elves are treated shittily. Mages are treated shittily. Everyone who isn't a non-magical human is treated shittily! Even being from the wrong country gets you shat on! Everyone is so goddamn focused on other people, they can't tell when they're being assholes!"

"Inquisitor, I could change laws-"

"But not hearts, yeah, yeah. Well guess what? This isn't a fucking democracy. Tell the guards to look out for racists, everywhere. Even among the guards. Shit, not like you people have a constitution, it's a fucking Empire! What you say goes! And make it long-term, then. Education on this shit! The Dalish aren't savage, not all qunari are mindless, not all mages are abominations. Teach the next generation these things. Then they do the same. And it spreads. More people that hear about this, the more commonplace understanding is, and the more of a minority the racists become. Eventually, it just becomes 'Oh, yeah. Sorry about Grandpa, he's still a bit racist. Bad habits die hard...' instead of being the norm."

"And how is it you know this will work?" Goddamn, can't tell anything from behind that mask.

"Because I've seen it happen. Happened twice in the past century back home. Once against a race, more recently against the LGBT community."

"Pardon me?"

"LGBTQA. Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual, Transgender, Questioning, Asexual. Home, if you were any of those things, it was looked down upon for millenia. Just recently same-sex couples were allowed to be married legally. It took us over 2,000 years to get that right, but it happened! There are still people who hate us, but now they're the minority. Now we have the government and the younger people backing us up. Because they were able to get information on these things. Because they could see that something was wrong with the system, they spread that news around, and it caught on. Just actually do some research and you'll find that people like Lingrean are much more commonplace than you'd think. Yes, she was an elf. Yes, she was a mage. But did that mean she was evil? No! She saved the goddamn world, and yet her peoples still get shit! You personally know Morrigan! She's a smartass, sure, but not evil. You know this, I know this. The general public is still terrified because they dont know better."

"...I see. Well, Inquisitor, you have certainly given me much to consider."

"Oh, I know I have. You and Briala should be happy together."

...Well. I just yelled at the Empress of Orlais, and went on a social justice rant. Two ditches with one shovel, yeah? Anyways, after that whole fiasco, I decide to unwind by walking into Florianne's trap. Because it's that kind of night. Goddamn, what has my life become?

"Hey, Florianne. You can cut the crap now... Tonight just turned to shit after your dance, care for a do over?"

She scoffs from her balcony. "As if I would stoop so low. No, I'd much rather dispose of you now for the Elder One. He will be most plea-"

"Hey. Nope. Not dealing with this bullshit today. I get the gist. 'Muahaha, I was the evil one all along! Noone would suspect the one in the corner evilly twisting their mustache, for I am a monologuing genius!' I get it. You and I both have better things to do. At this point, I just want the night to end..."

"If you cannot play the Game, Inquisit-"

"Hey. I have been playing the Game wonderfully all god damned night. I deserve a fucking break, and since this is not the ballroom, I can afford to be as rude as I fucking please."

"Evidently... No matter, all I need is for my archers to stall you long enough to strike..." She just doesn't stop talking...

Well, I get a new mercenary group, decided to let her live, and miraculously managed to get the two back together. After my rant, I figured it was over...

At this point, I'm just done. Screw the others, I'm going outside to wait for raven mom to show up...

And here she is. "Not enjoying the celebrations, Inquisitor?"

"Orlais doesn't have root beer. It's most disappointing. Matched with ice cream, and it may as well be divine."

"I assume those are drinks? You do have the strangest notions."

"Coming from the woman who decided to memorize that suggestion from ten years ago. 'Red velvet and golden embroidery'. You told her no, but look where you are now."

"I suppose you and I will have to get used to this now, since I have been appointed as your liason from the Empire."

"I know. Brings back memories. You can't be part of anything unless someone shoves you there against your will, eh? Don't worry though, Kieran won't be a problem. Plenty of misfits to go around. I kind of want to see him and Cole together. Now that would be interesting..."

She looks over her shoulder. "Well, it seems I must once again excuse myself for a blonde ex-templar approaches."

"History does like to repeat itself."

And so, Morrigan was replaced by Cullen. "Well, that was..."

"Exhausting?"

"Yes. But hopefully not enough for you to deny me another dance? I-I mean, the music is starting up again, and I wasn't forced to learn how to waltz just for... whatever that was in the halls earlier."

"A masterpiece, that's what."

"Yes, you are..." He turns beet red. "D-did I say that out loud?"

"Yup. I could use some honesty after tonight, though. You dweeb." I bop his nose as we start to dance along.

At least tonight ended on a high note.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The dweebs. They're multiplying. Trespassers will be mentioned, rekindling one of the girls' inner Solavellan. Aaaand I've decided to bring back an old idea of mine which should prove really interesting. So there's that. Yis.


	38. Things and Ages

The ride back to Skyhold was actually pretty uneventful. That is until I gave May a Fade phone as we were in camp.

"Ohhhh my god! Dani! Guess what's out in a few days?" I have never actually seen her this excited before...

"What?"

"FINAL DLC! And Qunari stuff! And eluvians! Here, there's a trailer for it."

The two of us have very different reactions to the trailer. "I close the Breach twice, and my own hand wants to kill me!" Ohhhhh god... And then, May's face drops when the Egg shows up. "I suspect you have questions."

To which May adamantly replies, "Yeah fucker! Number one being where the hell is that tier four armor you ran off with?"

"Ahhh, I feel that's probably a meme by now. But more importantly... in 2 years I have to deal with all that shit?! I don't wanna be an amputee..."

"Ohhh god."

My head snaps back to May. "What?"

"Remember that one line between Aveline and Anders that foreshadowed the whole storyline?"

"...Yes?"

"Xenon asks for your hand when you're 'done with it'."

At this point we're collectively freaking out, when Solas joins us outside. And I think I saw Cullen starting to pay attention from the watch a while ago, too.

"You do realize what time it is, yes? Whatever it is can wait until the morning."

May goes right up in his face. "Hey. When you leave the Inquisition, you're giving back the fucking armor. Got it?"

He deadpans, "Am I to take it you have a strange obsession with plaidweave as well?"

May slowly looks over to me. "What did you do?"

"Well... Kind of make them wear plaidweave armor now and again for shits and giggles."

She actually facepalms. "Danielle, don't torture friends. Don't tell me you chose to start the rebellious phase while running an army?"

Yeah Cullen was definitely listening. "What's this about rebellion? Should we be worried?"

May leans back on a tree trunk and sighs. "Danielle here still hasn't gone through a rebellious phase. Most teens go through it around 13 to 16 and get all the stupid ideas out then, but our Inquisitor here has yet to do that. Which is very bad. That means you'll have a clever rebel running an army." She glances over to Solas. "But she's only a bit behind."

It's at this point the boys give me a strange look... "What is it?"

It's eventually Cullen that asks. "How old are you exactly?"

Ohhh, right. He's at least 28, if not older. Well this is a little awkward. May ends up responding for me, though. "She's still 17. Which puts you, Cully Wully, at almost twice her age."

"Hey, at least I'm not a 20 year old pining after you-know-who! You know how old he is!"

"But that's different, Dani. He's not human, they live longer."

"Yeah, but biologically speaking, he's in his forties. 'Twice your age' huh?"

After that argument, the boys both seem a little creeped out. Cullen returned to his post and Solas went back to his tent muttering a "This is why I prefer to sleep..." Rude.

"Riigght, real people now. That can hear us. Still have to get used to that." She gets up from her trunk. "Let's go on to bed, Dani."

The next few days of travel were relatively normal. We had made it back to Skyhold in one piece,  so that's good.

I ended up heading to the tavern to introduce May to the rest of the gang.

"May, this is the Circle. Circle, this is May. I brought her here from the Fade. And she's my cousin."

While I started explaining just what was going on, May had decided to entertain herself by singing with Maryden. "... Raven's tears they cry, and all the while, they softly lie and spy on you"

"So both of you can sing, but she's the only one who will?" Varric mutters from his mug.

May, again, answers for me. "She does karaoke. But only with me." She winks before taking a swig and promptly scrunching her face. "Come on, we can show these dorks how it's done home style."

With a roll of my eyes, I put on the karaoke version of Safe and Sound and sing along. God, this is really awkward. 

By the time I'm done, everyone's staring at me. "Well, Sunshine. Not too sure what any of that was, but it was good."

"Right, all my music is in Elven. Well, basically it tells a story of war." I ended up translating the song for them all, with varying results depending on how drunk they are. 

At this point, May snatches my phone and upon the realization no one would understand what she says, she began singing the duck song.

Eventually we ran out of our current songs and lapsed back into a series of Vocaloid duets that neither of us had heard in years. Sadly, no one understood that either. We didn't know any Welsh songs...

At some point I had gotten more than a little tipsy. It totally seemed like a good idea at the time to sing "Why don't you do right" dressed like Jessica Rabbit. I ended up falling down, that being the last I remember of last night.

I wake up cuddled up to something really soft. Somehow I apparently stole Cullen's floofy thing? Aannd I didn't steal it. "What are you doing here?"

Yup. Cullen had let me use the floofy thing as a pillow. While he was wearing it. "May had told me to guard you so you didn't and I quote 'keep you from burning the tavern down in a hungover rage'. It's fine, I don't particularly mind. I've had worse patrols before."

I snigger at him. "You dweeb. Ow, okay. Laughing hurts. Everything hurts. I'm just going to bury my face in the floof."

"It's called a cloak. And you know that."

"But calling it the floof is funner."

"That isn't a word, Danielle."

"It is if I say so. I run an army. And I feel like shit. Migraines are shit. But I guess you would know that. Keep up the good work on that front, by the way. I know you can do it."

I try and remember the medicine that helped with headaches. Benadril? Asprin? Ibuprofen? One of those. No, wait. Tylenol. That was it. I materialize a bottle of Tylenol and two glasses of water. "What are those for?"

I pour out a few pills. "This is what we have instead of potions. Don't chew it, just stick it on your tongue and swallow it with water."

He looks a little hesitant. But he ends up doing it after I do. "That tastes even worse than potions..."

"Eh. C'est la vie."

He clears his throat. "You ah, you're still laying on me."

"No, just using your floof as a pillow. Totally different. And as a side note, really fucking comfy."

I hear a familiar poof. Great. "Soft, soothing. 'If I hide in my cocoon, the world will keep spinning. If I could, why not?'" His eyes seem brighter. "But you can't. You still have the strings."

I burry my face back into the floofiness. "Yeah, yeah. Almost there. Gimme a while, Cullen. Cause after this is over, I refuse to see the light of day again." In one swift move, I grab the floof and run off.

From far behind I can hear Cole say... something, to Cullen. Too bad. I shall return to my nest for today.


	39. Things and Shirts

I had changed into a tee and some shorts since heat rises. Being at the top of a mountain, you would think that would negate attic heat, but you'd be wrong. I'm kind of just chilling in my room, waiting for the pills to kick in, when there's a knock at my door.

"Inquisitor? I believe you have explaining to do." Morrigan.

"Come on up, then." I wave my hand, as if that made any difference. "Sorry about the heat, but then again, swamp mage."

"I had asked your ambassador about your knowledge. To which she had smiled knowingly and mentioned a wreck of a room. Care to explain?"

I snorted from under my blankets and floof. "No, not wreck room. Rec room. As in recreation. Relaxation. And a room of nonexistent technology." I got up and motioned for her to follow me downstairs. 

"That tunic... is that me?"

I follow her gaze, and sure enough, I had chosen today to wear my Morrigan shirt that I got from the bioware store... "Yup. Come on. Time for the initiation." 

I send a messenger to gather everyone up as we head down towards the basement. Meanwhile I create that Alistair voodoo doll from the feastday gift set. "Here. I don't know if you burned the last one, but you can keep it either way."

"I am still uncertain on whether anything should surprise me anymore. You continuously prove me wrong."

We wait at the bottom of the stairs until everyone is present, even May.

"Hey guys. Morrigan and May here have yet to see my rec room. I say we welcome them properly."

May looks like a deer in headlights when I open the door. "How did- wha- really?"

"Yep."

Morrigan seemed to be in her own scholar mode. "Intriguing. What are these?"

Without another second to waste, May gets on the computer, opening up to Origins. "You didn't save my files?"

"To be fair, I didn't know you were coming."

She opens up the new game screen and immediately goes to character creation. "Thinking a female Aeducan? Or maybe a Cousland... Mmm, Alistair."

"I met him, you know."

May has three weaknesses. Those weaknesses are named Alistair, Anders and Solas. "You didn't... Wait. Oh my god, warden or king?"

"King." I have a shit eating grin at this point. "I told him off. Kind of."

"You didn't." A brief pause and a facedesk. "You did. You totally did. Can you not yell at everyone I love? Just once?"

It was this point that most of the Circle brought up the question of 'Why were they there?'

"Because if you guys don't remember, it's movie night. And now that the whole gang is here, we can finally watch 'Dawn of the Seekers'. Dun dun duuuunnnn..."

After a few blank stares, May helpfully provided an answer. "Cassandra movie. How she saved the Divine. Kind of intrigued on just how much they got wrong. The movie isn't necessarily bad, but there are a ton of plot holes. Plus the main antagonist is poorly designed and rather forgettable."

"It's got a fat elf. Not sure how that works. Plus a kinda cringe worthy opening scene full of a shoddy explanation of Thedas."

"There is a movie about me from your world? Truly?"

"Yeah, let's watch it."

Everyone, to varying degrees, seemed interested on how Cass was before the Inquisition. 

"Why aren't you doing shit like that anymore? That's cool!"

 "Why don't the blood mages bring staves to a blood ritual?"

"Using a shield to distract only works when it makes noise."

"What kind of lethal dragon organ is behind the ear?"

This actually persisted through most of the movie. We deduced about a sixth of the movie was just stuff done to look cool. I can accept that. 

The discussion was essentially a moot point when Cass stated, "Still, this is more accurate than most stories told. And the portrayal of Frenic was shoddy at best."

It was around this point Sera brought up a very good idea. "Why not watch that one with the fish? That one's funny."

So, that day ended by watching Finding Nemo with the whole Inner Circle. Because why the hell not? We can be productive tomorrow.


	40. Things and Thrones

Florianne arrived today. So that means I get to judge her, this is gonna be good...

I sit in my throne, the one from Spoils of the Qunari, because who doesn't want to be flanked by naked guys? Not sexy, just really funny.

Josie does her whole spiel about the ball and Florianne is rude.

"Florianne, dear. If you're going to be grunting and moaning, I'd rather buy you dinner first. But really. I had hoped you would at least have been a little more clever, you are Orlesian, after all. I had you pinned as the assassin after you introduced yourself." I recline back into my seat. "You were made the joke of Orlais, so now you can be the Joker of the Inquisition. I'll send along your new uniform."

Josie was scribbling on her pad thing. "Court dismissed."

"Bring in the dancing lobsters!"

Josie gives me a 'not this again' sigh. "Inquisitor, how many times must I tell you, we don't have-"

May comes through in a lobster suit. "You rang, your shortness?"

"Mmyes. Bring me my pudding." I got a shit eating grin as I see Josie trying to compute. 404, reason not found.

"Of course, my Queen." May has a similar shit eating grin. I swear she was cranky for a long time. Maybe now that she doesn't have to provide, she's chill again? I like it.

"But- She isn't even- I give up. If you two are to make fools of yourselves, please don't do it in the Great Hall."

We exchange a glance. "You go from the battlements, I go from Varric?"

May nods and smirks, before heading outside. Meanwhile, I stop in front of the rotunda door and count to 15.

The two of us shout in English as we open the door. "OLD WOLF, PLAY WITH US!" And basically give the elf a heart attack, along with anyone within the immediate vicinity. 

"If you two try that again, you will not wake to see the next day." Threatening us in Elven? Clever wolfie boy. 

"But without me, we can't fix your problem. Even then- sorry. That's not relevant for another two years. Ignore me." Totally goading the old man, but meh.

May caught up with the game plan. "Tell Divine Victoria I said hi, will you Dani?"

"Of course. And Ambassador Pavus will be in attendance."

Apparently Dorian was eavesdropping, because we were graced with his voice. "Names are still names, dear! We can hear you. You better be praising me."

In Common, I yell back, "Yeah, we're just messing with the resident apostate hobo!"

I see his head over the railing. "Why is she in a lobster suit?"

"The internet said so... and we got to watch the nobles...  _flounder around._ "

"If the Breach doesn't kill us, at least I know your puns certainly will."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is totally unrelated and by no means necessary to read, but I was mulling over the issue of languages in this world and figured I should try to explain. The choices were actually partial whim, but partial study into the different races' names. The dwarves have Norse names, so it makes sense that their language would be tied to that region, and by extention, Common. Qunlat is Turkish, again, because of the names. Then there's the popular notion that Orlesian is French, Antivan is Italian, Tevene is Latin, and Rivaini is Spanish. And as far as Elven, it was because of the semi-common trope surrounding the scenario. It makes you assume quite a bit before you may even realize you did. In relation to English, it's not that Elven is English, but English is Elven. Dani and Solas will still say things like da'len and hahren, but since it is their native language, neither really have to translate.


	41. Things and Mirrors

I was busy trying to balance on one of the training dummies when Morrigan approached me. "Inquisitor? What exactly are you doing?"

"Well I wanted to try some of the tactics Bull proposed. It won't be this easy on the field, but still." I hop off and almost fell, hope she didn't catch that... "Did your magic mirror finally get here? Can I see it? I wanted to try something magic..."

"I did come here to show you the eluvian, yes. Though I must ask what 'something magic' means. From what I've heard most of your experiments end rather badly." Rude, much. I'm sorry, I love you Morrigan.

"Well, I wanted to fix Merrill's eluvian back in Kirkwall. The glass is broken, but I've seen them get fixed before. I think."

"And you still expect this to work?" She looks at me kinda incredulously.

"Pretty much. If you go in expecting to fail, chances are you will. If you go in not really giving a shit one way or the other, probably will work out. It's like Archer. Things tend to just fall into place around me if I relax. I've taken to calling it 'Protagonist's Luck'. The world wants me to win. Who am I to deny it?" I shrug and take lead to the Mirror Room.

"Some would call that confidence cockiness. What makes you think you have the world's favor?"

"Really? I fall through the Fade unscathed, Almost got executed a few times, survived demons with minimal training, time-travelled, survived an immortal magister darkspawn attack, survived an avalanche with minimal damage, managed to find a way to make virtually anything, stopped a demon army, the demon running the army and I managed to endear myself to the entirety of Orlesian Nobility. I'm pretty sure I got on someone's good side if I can manage all this. Or maybe it's not me. It's possible the world just supports the cause of not ending it."

She gives me a half-hearted hum as she opened the mirror in all it's blue glowiness.

The second I step in, I remember the nausea part...

"Inquisitor, are you alright?"

"Feel like shit. But this is totally worth it. I was kinda hoping I could have been spared from rejection, Crossroads. Guess not."

Morrigan tries to begin her monologue, but I don't pay attention. Instead, I had started roaming, looking for Merrill's eluvian. Aha!

It took me a while to puzzle the glass pieces into place, but after that, Morrigan approaches me. "Tis broken. To fix it would require immense power, Inquisitor."

"Yeah, shut up. I have the anchor. In theory, I can just..." I picture the green tendrils stitching the seams of glass together in my mind, hoping it would understand what I want it to do. "Ha! Protagonist's Luck, see?"

The eluvian is now active, and I can see an empty bedroom. Yep Merrill's room.

"Well, now that that is set up... to the Arbor Wilds?" I give Morrigan a hopeful grin.

"I suppose so. Are you truly not going to restore the rest?"

"I would, but then Thedas would be screwed. Let stuff happen on its own."

With that, I start heading back to the Skyhold Eluvian. Now we have our next mission, and boy is it a big one.


	42. Things and Flirtations

"Varric! I got you a prezzie!" I had made a bee-line from the garden straight to him.

"Does this one explode?"

"Pfft, no. I got you an express ticket to and from Kirkwall." I'm practically bouncing at this point.

"Is this a gift, or a subtle way of kicking me out of the Inquisition?"

"I fixed Merrill's Eluvian, so now the whole Kirkwall crew can go between Kirkwall and Skyhold whenever they want. Well, maybe not Anders... But if we could, I'd totally help hide him."

"Wait, wait... First, that's illegal. Second, Cassandra would kill you. And third, Merrill's keeper dies trying to prevent the magic mirror opening- after killing two other people- and your idea is to go against that and fix it anyways?"

"Wait. Two people?"

"Yeah, a couple of hunters, I think" Shit.

"Awww, Mahariel died? And poor Tamlen... But none of them dies from the mirror, per se... The hunters died of the Blight, which was from the genlocks they had fought just beforehand I assume, and the keeper died from a demon of... Pride, I think?"

"Which makes the blood magic mirror okay?"

"No blood magic was used. I just used this." I lifted my glowy hand, perking up at it being mentioned. "I guess if you won't be hyped for my awesome gift, I'll just go tell Solas."

"Salut, mon œuf! Et la clé de mon cœur." I find Cullen going upstairs through the rotunda, probably to talk with Leliana. 

Speaking of, I hear a familiar Orlesian lilt from upstairs. "Si vous voulez flirter, faire sur votre temps!"

"Ceci  _est_ mon temps!"

It's about this point that translation would be in order, since Cullen asks, "What just happened?"

"Well, I called Solas an egg, called you an Orlesian pet name, then argued with Leliana about how I spend my time."

I can hear Dorian quip from above. "If you want more pet names, call him 'Culus'! The boys back home simply radiate from that one!"

"Maker, these people will be the death of me..." Cullen looks red as a beet. I doubt he knows what culus means though, so I try and keep a poker face.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Translations!  
> Salut mon œuf- Hey, my egg  
> Et la clé du mon cœur- And the key to my heart  
> Si vous voulez flirter,faire sur votre temps- If you want to flirt, do it on your (own) time  
> Ceci est mon temps- This is my (own) time
> 
> Culus- asshole or anus
> 
> Teaser for the next chapter! http://maierarose.tumblr.com/post/129654031203/sneak-peek-for-the-next-chapter-as-well-as-my


	43. Things in a Temple

The Arbor Wilds are gorgeous, but really humid. I keep getting stung by bugs. 5/10- IGN, pay us more for this. I've been thinking about who should use the Well... If I do it, I have to fight a dragon, which, while awesome,  is also hard and probably difficuult without the whole game logic thing. If Morrigan uses it, then she won't get all the information and she'll be lost to us after Corypheus. What if someone else uses it? "Hey, May."

"Let me guess... The Well choice?" She knows me so well. Ha, well.

"Yeah. I wonder what'd happen if you use it instead...?"

"No clue. But we could probably skip the fight with the guardian if we had to, Morrigan can still learn the spell, the only difference is she'd need to study the specimen for it. Or, if push comes to shove, there's always a chance I could learn how. I am a mage after all."

"I appreciate you putting thought into the problems at hand for once, Inquisitor, but if you two have information that pertains to the mission at hand, would you mind sharing it with us?" Morrigan doesn't like being left out of the loop apparently.

"There's a choice up ahead. I think I know what to do now, though. Thanks May."

"Of course, my little munchkin." Noogies. I hate noogies.

"I own an army now, stop that." I swat at her hand until she backs off.

"Fine, fine... That doesn't mean you're any bigger. Maybe more mature.  _Maybe_." She levels me with a smirk.

We reach the temple with relative ease. I had brought Cole, Blackwall and Solas with me.

"This temple... The veil is thin here. It must be very old indeed." Solas decided to grace us with his commentary.

"Hey, Solas. Morrigan. Bet I know more about this place than you guys."

"Mythal's temple, judging by the architecture. 'Tis odd, it seems much more intact than I'd have thought..."

"Oh, that's because of the Sentinels. It'd be good as new if the vandals didn't get through."

"Sentinels? I was unaware the ancient elves employed spirits."

"Well. Not these ones. They aren't spirits. Some of the Pantheon actually did use spirits as guards, though."

"Nothing else could have survived this long, though."

"Morrigan. Don't tell me you've forgotten the staple difference between ancient and modern elves?"

"I do not see what you think you're getting at."

"They were immortal, Morrigan."

"Yes,  _were_. As in they are no longer immortal."

"Well, the ones from that time are, for the most part. They go into uthenera, which slows aging when done right. They may not live forever, but they can live much longer than us."

And May decides to put her lore-master skills to use. "Besides, the immortality of surviving Elvhen has yet to be scientifically proven one way or the other. For all we know, the elves born before the Veil still are immortal, just dormant."

Morrigan bristles at that. "What do you mean 'before the Veil'? Do you claim there was truly a time as such?"

"Yes, Morrigan. There was. Think about it. Spirits have an innate want to see this side. So ask yourself. Why? They can create whatever they can imagine there. They are their truest forms away from biased influence. So why would they want to cross the Veil if they always knew it was there. If they knew nothing other than the Veil being in place. They don't want to come here because it's somehow better. But rather because they understand their experience is only half of what it should be." I give May my proudest grin, atta girl!

"But do you have proof of your claim?"

"Well... heh, well. We kind of had a chat with the guy that made it. Two years from now, more or less- Oh! The puzzle thingies! May?"

She sighs. "Of course, my dumpling." Within a few minutes, she completes the puzzle.

"Intriguing. There appears to be writing on the pillars here..." Morrigan goes up to inspect the pillar in question. "It speaks of respect and purity. Shiv...shiven..."

"Halam'shivanas. It says remember the sweet sacrifice of your duty. It goes on to detail some of the rituals done here. The light on the floor represent different parts of your being. If you focus too much on only one part, the whole system will collapse. Relatedly, if you touch a tile more than once here, then you have to start over. It was a symbolic system. Meant to keep worshippers and guests in their places. About two halls down, apparently there's a ritual involving what seems to be yoga and precautionary royal elfroot. That has to be for humiliation." I begin to laugh. "Imagine Elgar'nan having to do the downwards dog just to see his wife! Or Andruil having to literally bend backwards to please her!"

"Danielle, there's a time and a place for making fun of the Pantheon. Inside of their temple is not one of those places."

"Yeah, okay. What are you my mom?"

"No, but I am your legal guardian. Basically the same thing. And I can set you on fire."

"Wildfire! Arson! Pyromania! The list is endless!"

"This is why the world decided you shouldn't be a mage."

"Hey, still have a few months before it's off the table. I could be a late bloomer."

"Hey, look. It's one of the statues for Fen'harel. Isn't that interesting, Solas?"

He raises his almost figurative hackles at the mention of it. "I would assume it is similar to the ones found in the Dalish camps."

"Well if that were the case, the teeth would be bared and the ears would be pointed higher. It seems almost like he's a pet in this depiction." Oh, I am having too much fun with this...

"Because what better pet than the Bringer of Nightmares."

"Less nightmare god, more rebel without a cause. Less 'I'll burn your village' more 'Fuck you, if I don't want to wear shoes, then I won't wear shoes.' Followed by 'Wait, that caught on?' Then promptly 'Shit, what the hell happened here?' Less mastermind. More bumbling puppy."

I hear a familiar monotone come from the back of the group. "If I act like it wasn't me, maybe she would believe Andruil did it. Why would the Dread Wolf decide to release them? Andruil's slaves go missing all the time..." He pauses for a short while. "He got caught. The rest is just bad words. You told me not to say those ones."

"Good job, Cole. See? Point proven."

We enter the area where we meet Abelas shortly after May completes the Petitioner's Path.

A bunch of elves with really good thighs appears from the smoke, but instead of only one standing out, there are two.

Next to Abelas is a ginger Sentinel with dreads and deep green- holy shit. I elbow May in the stomach. May. Look at the one on the left. Look familiar?"

"What the hell are you- oh. Is that...?"

I have a fucking Doppelganger. And she's an ancient elf! I can hear a slightly grittier version of my voice in Elvhen call down to me. "What is a group of quicklings doing here? State your purpose before the archers slip up."

"Well, you see... I am Danielle. I'm here to keep the baddies out there from getting in here. Also, please tell me we aren't the only ones noticing this. You look like an elfy version of me. What's your name, by the way?"

She looks like she's appraising me... "Din'lathelan."

"Well, that's kind of setting you up for failure from the get go, isn't it?"

"When one is dedicated to the All-Mother, they rarely have time for such trivialities." For those who aren't Elvhen experts, din'lathelan means one dead to love. As in either aromantic or a sociopath, depending on context. So she either meant a conscience or a love life there.

Well. At least I know I can look good in dreads, apparently.


	44. Things and Spirits of Both Variety

"You show a fluency in Elvhen that I have yet to hear from a new face in millenia. The fact that it is mine is even more intriguing." Sociopath turns to Sorrow. How fitting. "Abelas, I doubt they have ill intentions, they had gone through the Petitioner's path and my men had given reports of many of the corrupted fell by their hands." Wait, we were being watched that whole time?

Before I can contemplate that any further, Abelas speaks for what I'm pretty sure is the first time. Notedly in Common. "Very well. You are to be shown the way to their leader. Upon finding and eliminating him, you are to never return. Is this understood?"

"Of c-"

"You can't just let all of this go to waste! Think of all the lost history that could be restored! You intend to leave it here, rotting away?!"

"May."

"On it." May grabs Morrigan's arms and dispels her bird attempts. "Sorry, M. Not today. "

"So you do have respect after all." Elf Me turns to Morrigan. "Listen, shemlen. We are bound to this place for two reasons. To protect Mythal, and to protect the Well. With Mythal... gone. We will do the other task as well as we possibly can. We will not have our honor so easily cast aside again. Are. We. Clear?" Din had managed to Fade Step down to get right in Morrigan's face.

Morrigan eventually lost the stare-down and gave a begrudging "Yes."

Immediately, Din'lathelan perked up. "Great. Been a while since I had to do that. People skills. Useless when all your time is spent sleeping. And yet immensely handy with recruits, I've found." She grabs the handle to the door. "Right this way, newcomers. I give you the Not-So-Grand Tour."

"Right... Is anyone else entirely confused, or is it just me?" Blackwall looks utterly lost.

"How are you people so quick and yet so slow all the time? It must be very irritating. I can't even imagine what it must be like for you- Hey! Don't touch those. The artist is gone now, so there's no replacing it."

I was caught red-handed. "Sorry..."

"No you aren't. I tried the same stunt when I had first gotten here. It ended poorly."

Time for the elephant in the room. "So you aren't going to question how we look near identical?"

"I am. Rather loudly. Just not verbally. I find if a leader shows confusion, it diminishes their position. If you must know, I'm screaming internally. It's a shame we ran out of Onues a millennium ago. Would really come in handy right about now." She rubs the bridge of her nose. "There isn't any wake up call like finding a human copy of yourself with an invading army at your front door."

"Onues?"

"Wine. Really strong, and rather sweet. The closest thing I could compare it to would be... felandris with honey and spice. Not accurate, but as close as I can get."

"I can help with that!" I open up a tiny rift. "Think, grab, come back. Simple as that."

After staring at me for a little, she does as I say and brings back a blue bottle of wine. "So. You can control the Veil, but you won't tear it down? Why not?"

Now it's my turn to stare at her. "Because all but three people I know would die? Including me? Besides, I don't have enough power for that without the foci used to create the Breach. Closing that is the first priority."

"Is a tear in this Veil not a good thing? If it can bring back my favorite vice," She takes a swig for emphasis. "then it can't be all bad."

"It is when it sucks spirits through, corrupting them in their confusion. It's like a moth to a flame. They are drawn to it, but once they get too close, tsss. Burned up."

"You keep talking like these demons are victims, but not one of 'em have brought anything but pain." Blackwall talks again, apparently over the confusion.

"Blackwall, have you ever been forced to change who you are, to please others?" Cough, Rainier, cough.

"I don't particularly see how that applies here." He bristles.

"Of course not. Spirits are reflections of this world, but more amplified and pure. They mold to our expectations of them. Few people ever summon benevolent spirits for their original purpose because most are unaware there even are benevolent spirits. They bring them here often to kill, which is usually so against their very nature that it corrupts them. Some are naturally demons, possibly. But, they aren't all evil, either. I've had quite a bit of fun playing with Pride demons. They get adorably flustered when you insult them."

"You mean you talk with demons and expect to come out alive?"

"Yes. And because that is my expectation, it easily becomes my reality. At least in the matters of the Fade. It's all about willpower."


	45. Things and a Well

The temple itself is actually really big and almost labyrinthine. After the seventh time seeing the same set of murals, I get really bored. "Fuck it, music time!"

"But there aren't any instruments. What is that?"

I had pulled out my phone and began singing along to a rather [fitting song](https://youtu.be/i_RoUwMoaBM).

_"I was left to my own devices,_

_Many days fell away with nothing to show._

_And the walls kept tumbling down in this city that we love._

_Great clouds roll over the hills_

_Bringing darkness from above._

_But if you close your eyes,_

_Does it almost feel like nothing's changed at all?_

_If you close your eyes,_

_Does it almost feel like you've been here before?_

_We were caught up and lost in all of our vices,_

_In your pose as the dust settled around us._

_Oh, where do we begin?_

_The rubble or our sins?_

_And the walls kept tumbling down in the city that we love._

_Great clouds roll over the hills,_

_Bringing darkness from above._

_How am I gonna be an optimist about this?"_

 Solas and Din'lathelan both look a little stunned, where May is giving me that 'you did a smart' look.

Other me switches back to Elvhen. "A quickling that shares our language, my features, and now empathy for our greatest mistake? Someone did something very right while I was asleep." Din punctuates this by another big swig of her wine. By the looks of it, she's almost finished the whole thing. Well, at least one me can handle their liquor. 

Solas had lapsed into scholar mode again. "The fact you refer to it as 'our' mistake is almost telling."

"Well, you wouldn't have thrown your hissy fit if Mythal wasn't killed. Admittedly, our lowest point." She stops and I can hear fighting faintly up ahead. "Stay here while I scout the area." Now that she's actually about to fight, I notice her... odd arsenal. She has a wiry hilt with no blade, and a stringless bow with no quiver. She grabs the bow and- Holy crap! It's a magic bow! Like as in, actually shooting magic projectiles! Well, damn. Dalish needs to take notes. Does that mean the hilt is a magic blade, too? Ooooh, that is so cool!

One of the Red Templars comes staggering into the room with a Sentinel following closely behind. Shit, it almost fell on Din! And not just a magic sword. A fucking Lightning Rapier. Ok. Made up my mind. We're totally going to try and recruit her before the Well is drunk. Drank? Drunken? Before someone drinks from the Well. I want to be a badass mage elf... Why couldn't I have taken over her instead of a rogue Trevelyan? Or maybe I didn't. Trevelyan lookalike is odd enough, but that  _and_ an Anciet Elf looklalike? Maybe Trevelyan died... But the others survived. I mean, they're even all a part of the Inquisition. But four survivors would make things a bit too messy... But me being here is even more of a mess. Fuck. Why am I only thinking about this now? I have a fight to do.

Okay. Samson is creepy. But that's almost expected at this point. Like I had said, all the antagonists are creepier, while apparently, the protagonists are almost identical. My mind automatically goes to marketing, but that would mean- UGH! Middle of the second to last mission is not the best time for theories, Dani! But there's still Elvhen and English being the same, and- No. Not now. File that away for when I'm not trying to stop a demi-god.

When we finally get there, Abelas is waiting at the top. Apparently he was helping us and I just hadn't noticed. "Now that you have defeated their leader, you may leave through the Eluvian." He eyes Morrigan warily.

"You would keep this knowledge here, to waste, while your world is dying outside? Do you know how much this knowledge is worth?"

Abelas simply sighs. "You quicklings always put a worth to things, when in most cases there is none. There is no inherent value to your shiny trinkets unless someone says so. Who gives them the authority on such things? This Well was to be protected until someone worthy comes to gain its' knowledge. But none of us here is qualified to say who is and who isn't."

Morrigan turns to me, knowing I have a soft spot for her. Ugh... "Inquisitor, you cannot simply leave this here! It will be destroyed! If not, used by Corypheus when we leave!"

"Well, I already planned on May using it, her being loremaster and all. Is there any way we could put it back when Corypheus is dealt with?"

Din and Abelas both look at me like I'm crazy. "You plan on giving this to a mortal? It would be lost on her!"

"Not really. She speaks Elvhen as fluently as you, she has an almost scarily accurate grasp on the history of this world, and on top of that, you didn't answer my question."

Din finishes her bottle. "In theory, you could do so... But it's generally done before their final uthenera. In your terms, directly before death. They become husks, all their knowledge goes into the Well. And this was on Elves. I don't know what would happen if a human would do so, you're especially fragile."

I look over to May, who seems to be pondering this all. "Well, I don't suppose forty years would be too long of a wait for you all? I wanted to at least live to sixty. Think of it as... Interest. You'll get even more out of the bargain than if I simply kept it, right?"

Abelas looks especially beaten right now. Almost even more than in the game. "Very well. But you tend to have rather poor memories, I wouldn't be surprised if you forget before too long. Or worse, expire before then." For some reason, an immortal to a mortal, the word expire has an entirely different connotation to it. That's really depressing when you think about it... How about we don't?

"You know, you could send Din to go with us? Guard May and make sure she remembers all in one! And she can also teach me that cool weapon trick. I want a Lightning Rapier and Magic Bow, too."

He sighs again. Today is not his day. "Dinlathelan, I swear. If you use this to escape, I will find you again. Don't test me."

"Yes, hahren." She salutes Abelas. Pretty sure that was almost mockingly. "Old spoilsport doesn't like my little excursions."

"Yes, because your 'little excursions' inevitably end in ten times the paperwork for me, and at least several injuries."

She gives a noncomittal 'Eh.' "Banal nadas, hahren."


	46. Things and Magic

She's burning. Burning. Burning. Ashes to ashes to ashes. She can see Her family among the licking flames, it was supposed to be a happy day, She was supposed-

Holy shit! Bed on fire! I scramble out of my bed, just to land on the now flaming carpet! Oh... Holy. Fuck. The fire's coming from me! Walp. One thing to do. I screamed. As loud as I fucking could.

"Inquisitor! I had heard screaming, is everything alright?!" Josephine scrambles up the stairs, followed closely by May, Din'lathelan and Cullen.

"Josie, flaming. Arms. Send help! Cullen, how the fuck do I stop this?!"

He grabs his sword and-holy shit, nonono! "Don't you dare smite me, Cullen! Nobody's hurt yet and if you do that I can't learn how on my own!"

Din and May walk up to me slowly, but Din speaks first. "Inquisitor, listen to me. It is a matter of will. If you don't want the fire there, simply will it to leave. It is simply an extension of your self and your environment."

Okay. I can do that. I just... tell the fire engulfing my arm to leave politely.

Holy shit, that works? Well then.

"So... I'm probably going to need to train. Again. Ummm... May? You, Solas and Din. Meet me in the lower courtyard."

May goes to the rotunda to get Solas while Din follows me down by the stables. Apparently she has questions. "Why is it your people keep staring at me? No one ever talks, they just stare and act like I'm going to snap their necks."

"They found the one elf not used to racism who can fight back, or they're convinced you're here to replace me. Maybe it's because everyone thought the ancient elves were all dead. Maybe because you look like me with dreads. Oh! I got it! They think you're here to kill us all from the inside and wear our guts as necklaces! Who can say, really."

"Well, there's the smartassery I almost missed. Ah, the glory days... Punching people, drinking my heart out and shaving eyebrows... Not mine, of course."

"Well, obviously. Oh, so I have a few questions for you, too."

"Alright? What do you want to know?"

"First one being 'Can you teach me how to do the magic archery thing? And the magic sword thing, too.' Then there are cultural questions that I can't get answered from Solas... He's pretty damn biased. I mean, it's possible the Dalish are actually correct, just that the history passed down was from a different side. Such as people who weren't aware of his plans before it happened, farmers and village folk. History is written by the victors."

"Ah, truer words have never been spoken... As for 'the magic archery thing', it's simple. Magic is an extension of the Fade, like your mark is. Just picture a flame in your hand and the world around you can accomodate. Similarly, imagine an arrow drawn in your hand, and let it go. Picture it hitting your target, then even if they move around, it will find the mark. Depending on the enemy, you'll want to pull different energies for it."

"Ugh... you make it sound so easy." We reach the training grounds, recently cleared of training recruits?

"Sorry, Your Worship. I wasn't aware you would be here. I apologize for any inconvenience."

I blew raspberries in the soldier's general direction. "No need to be scared of me. Besides, if you keep doing that, it only distances me from my people. This is a family. You don't run away from your mom when she comes by, do you?"

"N-no, ma'am." He scratches his arm and looks down sheepishly.

"I guess we might actually need the space, now that I think about it... Fire and crowds don't typically mix well..."

Din and I waited a minute or two for Solas and May to get down here. "So, you developed magic? Quite the late bloomer, Inquisitor." Solas gave me a smug look. Or maybe that's just his resting face. Who knows, at this point.

"You know, I am making an Inquisitorial decree. Solas, you have to play Inquisition. Go through the Solasmance yourself. Then and only then can you fault me for not liking you."

"Letting something so childish dictate your friendships is extremely immature, Lethallin."

Then May comes to my rescue. "You cut off our arm while kissing us after two years of no goodbye. After revealing you lied to us for over two years."

Din'lathelan then joins in! "I am entirely confused. I just came here to show off, honestly, and there seems to be quite a bit of tension here..."

I won't bore you with training and the rest of the day. The only other significant thing that day happened a little past midnight.

We got Solas to dump himself. I think I made a new friendship.


	47. Things and Estelle

So, at this point, we're all waiting for Corypheus to start shit, since him opening the Breach again is what leads to the final fight. But I had made an awesome discovery, working showers. 

I set it up in one of the mini rooms in my tower, and the stone and wood made it feel especially sauna-y. So, of course, I started singing. Nothing better for music than near-scalding water.

I think I heard something... probably stone setting or something. Nothing too concerning, so I just keep singing as I finish up.

_"Take me to your hood._

_Neva been to Brooklyn and I'd like to see what's good._

_Dressed in all ya fancy clothes,_

_Them sneakers lookin fresh to death,_

_I'm lovin those shell toes-"_

Oh. So that was the sound. This is a little awkward...

Cullen is standing outside with what looks like sugar cookies. And I'm currently only covered up by a towel. Perfect. Juuusst peachy.

"I-I... I brought sweeties for my- I mean I. Maker's breath, this is awkward..."

After the initial shock, it's actually kind of cute. At this point, I'm singing in Common. "I'm likin this Fereldan boy." I walk past him to the dresser, grabbing an outfit. "Take me on a trip I'd like to go some day. I'll take you to New York, you would just love L.A. I really want to, go kick it with you, you'll be my Fereldan boy, Fereldan boy."

He's so adorable when he gets flustered like that. "We have time to go play some games if you want?"

"Yes, well, I made these for you." He handed me the plate of cookies, still kind of blushing. 

"Awww, you didn't need to do that! Thanks!" I grab one of the treats and head back across the room. "I'll meet you down there. Unless you'd rather me go down in a towel."

"Well, I could think of better things for you to go down with me in..." Oh my god. Did Cullen just give me a double entendre?! The world as we know it is dead now. Solas was beaten to the punch. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Holy crap! 2,000 people read this? You guys are seriously amazing. Love goes out to all you people who stick around without getting fed up with me <3  
> On top of this, I've started Trivia Tuesday over on Tumblr if you guys want a little more on any of my OCs' shenanigans.


	48. Things and Alcohol

At this point, it's kind of a given that when Dani gets to the tavern, it's impromptu karaoke night. Wait- have I started thinking in third person? Nope. I'm good. Not too crazy yet. Then again, my Thedas counterpart is literally named sociopath... or maybe it was meant as aromantic. I would feel better if that were the case.

Anyways! Tavern! This time, some of my audience will actually understand me, Din and Solas got dragged here! Well, Solas was. Din just followed May in.

"Hey, mini-me. Mind giving me more of my wine?" Speaking of Din, she's giving me the puppy eyes. God dammit, how can I say no to that face? It's mine, automatically the cutest!

"Fine. Hey, know any songs from Arlathan, or will I be doing all the singing tonight?"

After a huge swig of her wine, she quirks an eyebrow. "Honey, I'm a soldier, if you wanted me to belt out some song about Mythal's unending wisdom, you'd want to call Abelas for that. Kiss-ass. Now, you want some sense knocked into an asshole, then I would be willing to accommodate." She pointedly looks at Solas. Wait- am I missing something?

Apparently so, Solas begins defending himself, switching to Elvhen. "I believe the term 'Don't bite the messenger' being spread around half the continent was rather unnecessary."

"Oooh, there's a story to this. I wanna hear it!" Dirt on young Solas? Yes, please!

Another swig. "So. Tenth time that year Fenny decided to skip out on the meetings. Since it was momma Mythal's job to keep him in line, she was the one to pull his leash a little tighter. And yours truly was the one to tell him just how much of a fuck-up he made, cause Mythal was away on... business. With Elgar'nan. So I get to his temple, and he locked himself inside again! Complicated wards and everything! So, being the awesome debonair rogue that I am, I snuck in through one of the windows." A pause for another gulp. "There he was, sulking in his wierd wolf-form that he never really got right, rolling his foci around with his snout. So, I go up and ruffle his fur a little from behind, when the fucker bit me! Right on the arm! He quickly went back to being a normal person and started freaking out, like he had just killed a baby or something. I healed quickly, and just told him, 'You don't show for the next meeting, everyone's gonna know.'" She turns to him. "I guess you thought I meant not showing up, huh?" Then, she started cackling. "Of course, he didn't show up again. So, I had painted, in huge letters on the floor of the plaza in the middle of Arlathan 'Don't bite the messenger. -For Fen'harel' and it wasn't cleaned up for a few weeks. Best of my works yet, I think."

"Wait-  _that's_ how it started?! You wrote it on the plaza?!" He runs his fingers through his phantom hair. "You know they still say it in Tevinter? I quite literally can't live that down thanks to you."

I had managed to stifle my laughter until then, but nope. Too much. Now, back in Common, I wave over Dorian. "Hey, finish this sentence. Don't bite"

"What? Are you teaching them modern lingo? It's Don't bite the messenger. How will that help them?"

Solas bangs his head on the table.

"Nope. Came from Arlathan. Apparently, staight from the local sociopath here!"

"My my, I imagine that's quite the story."

"Oh, it was!" Dorian joins us and we go over a bunch of stories from times long gone, back when Solas did really stupid shit.

"Wait- you people worshipped a god who'd do  _that?!_ "

"Ahh, being a god's messenger was quite literally the best job in Elvhenan. And you'd think, being felandris, he would've been more careful."


	49. Things and a Vacation

I was hanging off the edge of his loft when a thought occured to me. "Hey. Cullen? Wanna go on vacation for a bit?"

He looked up from Business Mountain also known as his desk, if you wanna be boring about it. "You mean travelling across a fantastical world isn't enough for you?" That would be such a smarmy comment if it wasn't accompanied by that smirk of his. "Then you must have some thing extra special in mind."

"Yep! I've been experimenting."

"That can't be good."

Why does everyone no longer trust me and Dagna together? Oh. Right. We invented fireworks! "Remember the other day?" I began to sing a little bit again. "I'll take you on a trip, I'd love to go some day. Take you to New York, you would just love LA!" I hop down the ladder as I drawled. "We should go to my world. Time here freezes from there. Kind of. A week would only be a few minutes here, so no worries on absence." I gasped and patted his arm repeatedly. "Modern Makeovers. I bet you'd look hot in jeans. Oooh, I need this now. I wonder what size you'd be...?" I summoned a pair of navy jeans, a maroon t shirt and a dark grey jacket. "Yup. Your new casual outfit. Go try it on!"

I shove him up the ladder so he can get a little privacy. I, being the less embarrassable one, get changed downstairs. I had managed to make jeans and a Bioware-made Templar shirt along with my old space Vans and change before he could get back down. As he came down the ladder, I was letting my hair down and ruffling it. "Maker, it feels so... flimsy. If it looks anything like your outfit, can't be too bad, though."

"You look hot. That's it. We're redoing your wardrobe. We gotta get you some sneakers, too. Take those boots off!" I make grabby hands at his feet- he starts laughing. He's ticklish? Filing that away for later... Anyways, I give him a pair of dark grey Chucks. "Alrighty. Once you get those on, we can head off!" I sit on his desk until he can get his new shoes on.

I open up a slightly larger rift and step in, holding his hand. He looks a little spooked. "Don't worry about this. Just a means to an end." I had to concentrate now, opening a rift to Earth was a little bit harder than opening a rift to Thedas. "Come along, Cululu." I snickered at the nickname. Apparently, I was at least a giddy drunk.

As we step out, I see all eyes on us. I had hoped to end up somewhere like NYC or something, where it wouldn't be as questioned. But nope. Pretty sure we're in the middle of a convention. Judging by the crowd and the fact Patrick Weekes is in the front of the room, my luck is still shitty here. We materialized out of a rift. In the middle of a room of Dragon Age fans. And Cullen's with me here.

"Uhm... Hey there, Pat. Guess who I brought for a special interview here? Heh..." All that Inquisitorial charisma kind of flew out the window into the nacho-scented wind. Crap.

After a bit of silent expecting from the crowd, probably for Weekes to tell them it was an elaborate press stunt for the next game or something, everyone's murmuring gets progressively louder as someone through a Cullen cosplayer's fur thing onto the actual Cullen. Someone shouted something along the lines of 'they're real!' While someone else said "Best cosplay, dude!" I really wanted to leave, the rift was still there, but how do I know noone would follow me or something?

"No questions, Patty? Well then, I think I'm just gonna go..." As I make to grab Cullen and leave, about twenty girls chase after us.

I had to close the rift and I just ran. Dragging the subject of rabid fangirls. As fast as I fucking could. "He's mine, ya bitches! Keep your fake ones, only I get this upgrade! Assholes!" Someone threw a shoe at me. A shoe.

After a long. Long. Long time, we managed to give them the slip. Cullen had talked for the first time since getting here. "Not sure which world is more stressful quite yet. I'll get back to you on that. For now, I'm starving."

I sigh. "Now there's an idea I can get behind. We have to be in a city. Weekes showed up and Inquisition is done. They might be announcing the next game, but I doubt it. Probably a 'Hey, see you later, remember us' kind of thing. Welp. They'll definitely remember the franchise now." I pull out my phone. "How does chinese sound? Nevermind, you've never had it. Chinese food it is." I pull up Google maps. "Ooh, looks like there's a buffet nearby! Come on!"

As we walk along the sidewalk, Cullen can't stop craning his head upwards. For a city night, there's quite a few stars out, but for farm boy here, it must be dull and blank. "Do the buildings never end?" Ohh, he was looking at the skyscrapers.

I glance up and see his point. "Well, yeah. Gotta be at least 60 stories, though. According to Google. Hm. We're in Kentucky? Well we're way off base." I look up what this town has as far as taxis or buses. TARC? Hm. "Oh, there's a bus stop just over there." Ooh, is the roof on that building spinning? Well aren't we fancy? But chinese is better than vertigo, so I ignore it.

"And it only took you a little over a month to acclimate..." Yeah... Culture shock's a bitch.


	50. Things. 50 Chapters? This'll Be a Doozy!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry about the delay, with tests and illness lately, writing's been a bitch...

"I... Don't actually know what it is I'm looking at." Cullen stares a little blankly at his food.

"Rude! I grabbed you some stuffed potatoes, sesame rolls - which are great in the sweet and sour sauce, by the way -, there's some sushi, a fried doughnut and some S&S chicken!" Our plates were almost identical, the only difference being I didn't like sushi. And I have two fried doughnuts, because it's topped with  _pure sugar. Mounds of pure sugar._ Heaven on Earth, I swear. Pretty sure this is one of those 'Americans like fattening food, right? Give them that.' And I couldn't be happier.

"Someone seems to be enjoying themselves..." He's really trying to flirt with a mouthful of potato. Somehow, it's only more endearing.

"It's been sooo long since I had new food, and this is the best way to start off! Mountains of sugar! I saw an ice cream machine, too. Buffets are so awesome. Sucks that I had to be hit with a shoe to get here. That person was an asshole."

"You did instigate them a bit, though... Is everyone like that?"

"Nah. The game's popular, but not universal. We just had the luck to be plopped in a room of die-hard fans." I pop a piece of chicken into the food hole. "So. I saw a movie theater just across the street, we could see what we could do there. Unless you wanna go to the arcade so I can beat your butt at DDR. That's always a possibility."

"Well, we could watch movies back home. And my pride has been wounded, madam, that you think you could beat me." He puffs up his chest twiddling a fake mustache.

I cracked up in the middle of the restaurant. "You hang out with Dorian too much, Cullen. He's rubbing off on you. And you don't even know what DDR is, much less how to beat me at it."

"I accept your challenge, miss. Let's settle this like soldiers." We grab each other's forearm in a warrior's handshake. It's on like Donkey Kong!

I won. Because of course I did! I'm awesome at DDR. And I dont think he expected a dancing game, so there's  that. Then I beat him at Deal or No Deal, too.

"Well, my pride has officially been broken to bits. And it's getting dark... do we have a place to stay?"

"Now that I think about it? Not really. We could probably find a hotel, and with my ability to make unlimited cash, shouldn't be a big problem on that department. Oooh, we could probably get a master suite, or even a penthouse! Aw, you think you've seen a comfy bed? Wait til I show you memory foam. I've only ever used one in stores, but it's way up there as far as comfy goes."

"I didn't bring anything as far as blankets and pillows go. In hindsight, I probably should have packed more."

"Bah, let's just go with the flow, it's vacation! As in relaxation times! Howsabout we go to the best hotel in town and just, I dunno, watch some B movies on Netflix?"

"Well, there's a plan I can support." Ha, we're going to a hotel to Netflix and Chill. The funny part is, that's in the most literal sense. 

The best hotel in the most convenient distance is the Galt House, apparently. There's a romance package, free champagne, ooh boat ride! I wonder if they would have a heart shaped bed? Oh my god, that would totally throw him off!

We got to our room after I surprised the consierge with a wad of hard cash, probably didn't expect the teen with a hoodie to be filthy rich. On any other circumstances, they'd have been right, but screw you for judging by the cover, consierge!

So, we get to the room, and I totally called it on a comfy bed. Not heart-shaped, so that was disappointing, but there is just the one bed, so there's an extra way to screw with him.

Speak of the devil, "There's only one bed? Did you check this was the right room?" He's starting to blush again, yis.

"Yep. This room comes with a boat ride tomorrow and free alcohol,if you want it?"

"I'd rather not, this place is strange enough while sober. The boat ride sounds pleasant, however."

I plop down unceremoniously onto the bed. "Good, because I hear they play the Cupid Shuffle sometimes. Ahh, memories." I wipe away a fake tear.

He gingerly lays down next to me. "You're certain you don't want me to sleep on the couch? I'm more that willing to."

"That so? Want to get away from me that bad?" I boop his nose and snuggle into the blankets.

"No! I just-" I silence him with a peck on the forehead.

"Vacation. Enjoy it. Good night, Cullen."

"Uh, right. Good night..."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You know, for a fic that turned into a Cullen romance fic, you'd think I would've remembered to put his name in the tags. Like, at least under characters. I just noticed that.


	51. Things and a Fight

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Fun fact: The last chapter was actually posted unfinished. This is the rest of it. Soo... honorary chapter 50.5!

I wake up and my first thought of the day was 'What the fuck?' So that's a good sign of what's to come. As the events of yesterday come back to the forefront of my mind, I remember- Okay, wait. First kiss. Kind of? And now we're cuddling. I don't wanna move, so I just kind of lay there in his arms. Well shit, if someone had told me earlier how awesome waking up warmed by cuddles was, I would've picked it up sooner. Still won't do the do, though. Especially in this world, it'd be illegal.

Wow, yeah. I forget that he's at least twice my age. I mean, I like to think I'm mentally mature... And now I'm a mage, too! Um, heh... I mean, he fell in love with a mage before, right? But now he's tortured by demons with her face. Shit! How does one date?? I-I mean, at least he's just as clueless- and why the hell am I starting my morning like this?

A tiny grumble interrupts my inner freak out. Okay, ow, squeezing my torso. "Not good, no bueno. Stahp, please..." Almost immediately, Cullen lightens up on his grip.

I can see confusion across his face melt into what I can only hop is relief. "Good morning, my sunshine."

"Okay, wait. Why does everyone keep comparing me to sunshine. First Varric, now you. Because each time I get You are My Sunshine stuck in my head which is really sad." Seriously. If you haven't seen the full lyrics, look it up. "Oh. By the way, gonna try something, so hold your horses." I open up a mini rift and think of Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy's babelfish. Except not so gross. "Move your hair, Curly."

He complied drowsily, not seeing the creature in my hand. "Now who's copying Varric?"

Before I respond, I drop the thing into his ear and watch it wiggle in. Gross. To test it out, I start speaking English. "Don't know what you mean, broseph."

"What is a 'broseph'?" HAHA! Works! "Why are you grinning like that?"

"Because~ You're speaking English! Now that makes four whole people who can understand karaoke night! Ooh, I'm totally using this to my advantage."

"So how do I change back to Common?"

"He says in Common. It's a matter of thought. Look, read my lips." I switch back to Enlish for the next half, "Now it isn't the same motions as the sound, right?"

"Alright... That's odd. Your voice stops before your lips do." 

"I know, it's so cool! Oh! Tu parles francais?"

He responds back in French, "I don't know what 'French' is..."

"That is. That is French. Or Orlesian if we were in Thedas." I begin to squee- then promptly realize something. "Oh, shit."

"W-what is it?"

"Heh, well... See the thing is, I tend to use Elvhen as a way to have conversations people can't snoop in on. Aaand now you can."

"And that would imply you have secrets to keep from me, though...?"

"Heh. Well, you see..." I try and think of a way he can see reason, but the best I can think up is River Song's 'Spoilers'. Guess that could work. "There's still things you don't know. And can't know for the next two years. So, you see, if you learned these things before you should, then you would probably majorly freak out... I-I mean, if you were to learn some of the things that I know then you would probably try and whisk me away from the Inquisition before I even made it far enough to do anything about it."

His look hardens- and in any other context, that would have made me giggle. "Such as...?" He closes in on me. "Danielle, if you're in danger, then I need to know about it."

"Hey- no, look! I'm already working on a solution with Dagna for it! I mean, she thinks it's just for the soldiers who were injured in battle, but she's smart, I think she knows why I was so specific..." I had asked Dagna a while back to start working on prosthetics for my arm after Tresspasser is over and done with. So far we have a pretty decent prototype, but nobody to test it on, and the nerves wouldn't link up right.

He deflates and leans back onto the bed. "Fine. I'm... willing to trust you know what you're doing." He rubs his hands down his face.

"Good. Because I'm also your boss. And I know where you live. And... I could have easily left you here, now that I think about it." I'll remember that if the kill-cory's-dragon plan somehow fails- nope. Nevermind. Here has nukes. Here would be even worse for him to be. Unless they use the nukes on him. But no, they wouldn't do that on American soil, would they? Hm.

"Maybe I could make a remote to turn it off and on? No, it's organic, that wouldn't work... Could just tell Sociopath not to talk about it when you're around. That'd work. Okay, problem solved!" And all before getting out of bed!

"Wait- so the commander of the army can't know, yet someone who joined us a month ago can?"

"Yeah, she already knew. The secret has to do with ancient elves, she is an ancient elf, and a high ranking one, just makes sense... Look man, if I knew you wouldn't flip the fuck out, I'd totally tell you about it, except that would also lead to a really awkward conversation that I don't want to deal with right now. Can we just drop it for now? You will be the first to know when it's possible, okay? Promise."

He just kind of stares at me for a while... "Fine. But this isn't over."

"I know sweetie, now! Let's go and have some fun! We're in a world of technology! In an unfamiliar town!" I imitate the unicorns from Charlie the unicorn, "Let's go on an adventure, Cullen! An adventure full of joy! And joyness!"

Welp. About seven hours later, and guess who finally found a dog! I had found a black and white pit bull in a ditch behind railroad tracks with no collar and what looked to be a bunch of scars.

"We're taking them with us, Cullen." I scratch behind his ears and after sniffing me he becomes much more friendly!

"I know we called the Inner Circle your strays, but this is a little too literal."

I turn to face him. "Don't tell me Mister Fereldan is afraid of a widdle puppy?" I turn back to the dog who has gone onto his back, letting me scratch his belly! So cute! "Imma name you Noodle, and you shall be my little dingus, and we will go on adventures together, and you can even get up on the bed with me if you want."

He wagged his tail, good signs, man! "You're actually going to take the dog with us." It wasn't a question. 

"Vacation, success!"


	52. Things and the Return

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I have a huge test coming up and have been spending most of my time on that. So sorry this took so long! I made it longer to make it up to you.

With a new buddy in tow, we end up heading back to Thedas. And we find a Dorian trying to go up to Cullen's loft.

"Danielle, you can't hide from-" Hahaha! I got Dorian to scream like a girl! "Don't do that! Where have you been? I saw you come this way half an hour ago and, well... I would have checked sooner, but- well, it was much quieter than I had expected, so my idea was gone."

Oh my god, Dorian thought we were banging! That's beautiful!

"Where did the dog come from? Why is it growling at me?" Noodle decided to get on his hind legs and prop onto Dorian's torso. "Fereldans, I swear. I knew you had dogs everywhere, but I wasn't aware they materialize from thin air."

"Not thin air, from Earth! We took a few days to unwind, and I found a dog. His name is Noodle. Do you know where I could get a steady supply of dog food? Wait. Duh. Magic hand." You would think using it frequently enough would make it a normal thing. Like knee jerk, use your door maker thing. You'd be wrong. "Uhmm... I feel like I'm forgetting something."

"The mandatory mention of how perfect I am?" Dorian strikes a pose.

"Well, duh. Without you, Dorian, people can't call Hell so hot." I wink and shoot finger pistols at him.

Cullen laughs from behind me, he had spent the time we were bantering petting the puppy! Awww, I wanted to see more of that... "Keep that up and I may be jealous."

"But everybody is envious of perfection, sweetie. Don't worry, I know when I must settle for second best." I swoon into his arm with an ever so subtle shit eating grin. "Alas, I have been beaten by my own poor choice in genitalia... How can you two ever forgive me?" I look up to the two in question, Dorian smirking again and Cullen rolling his eyes, probably affectionately. 

May walks in on the scene with a look of exasperation. "Okay. I missed something here, where did the dog come from- wait. Thedas has pit bulls? Huh. Like the new digs, Commander." She sizes up the scenario and I can see the gears turning before she turned to me. "How long this time?"

"A few days? Probably blew up the Dragon Age fandom a little bit due to some... miscalculations. A shoe was thrown. Found a puppy by railroad tracks. We kissed, kind of? Oh! Right! Cullen got a babel fish!" Yep, can't see that being forgotten and blowing up in my face later.

"Wait, like, Hitchhiker's Guide babel fish?" She switches to English. "Nice, man. Did you think this through, Dani?"

"Not really, no. I was half asleep and stressed and it was a whim. Kinda immediately regretted it. He vaguely knows of Trespasser now."

"God dammit, Danielle..." she facepalms. Okay, mother mode May now. "You have to think these things through! Now a major part of our defences is gone because of your whims!" She kinda looks like Solas when she gets mad. Probably not the time to think that... "-then they'll all be clamoring to get it too! Can you imagine if Leliana found out about this?" Yeah... probably should have gone about this a different way. I just wanted to see what would happen, really. "-and then where would we be? No. We have to find a way to get it out." Wait, what?

I look to Cullen for support, but he just looks like he was the one being chastised instead of me. Dorian just looks confused and irritated, since her whole rant was in English... "Umm... we could use a hook?"

Now everyone just looks at me like I'm crazy, which, fair point really, but still. "If the Egyptians can get a whole brain out, we can get a little fish out."

"Except the Egyptians didn't have to worry about causing brain damage to the living host. And neither of us are even remotely good at Operation." God damn rubber band always got me.

"Any better ideas?"

"Ugh... Modern medicine can almost definitely do it. He would be uninsured, and paying in cash may raise suspicion, but it would be inconsequential in the long run. Probably."

"Well we can do that later. For now, though, I'm gonna go introduce Noodle to the Inquisition."

"You actually named the dog Noodle." Yeah, this is the May I almost missed. 100% done with people's bullshit. Wonder what changed... "Okay. Not gonna question it. Not doing it." She leans onto the desk and waves me off. "Go on. Show off the newest member."

I make a bee-line for the rotunda with my puppy in tow. Making sure the door is closed, I greet Solas in Elven. "You have been replaced as the canine companion, my wolf."

"And since when have I gotten an endearing nickname?" He smirks at me from his sofa, putting down a book.

"Um... since you stopped being such an ass? Dunno. Hey, have you gotten the dream yet?"

"I still don't know what you're talking about."

"Hm. Guess we aren't as good of friends as I thought..." Le sigh... "Ah well, I was planning on heading out to the Plains soon anyways. We can check if anyone's there yet. Might be able to stop it, too. But that might bite me in the ass later- actually. Nah, that's right. This is almost over now, so I won't have to worry as much! Sweet! Oh, and you aren't allowed to leave until the afterparty. Minimum. And I would appreciate a bit more of an explanation on your plan, sir. Or rather, I could explain my theory and then you can tell me 'Oh, of course Dani. You were right again, as always! Let me shower you in divinity so you don't die in a few years! And so you can keep me from being the next big antagonist and we won't have to fight! And I won't have to make an ass of myself as I commit genocide for no good reason!' And then I can tell you how much of an ass you are for being wierdly optimistic."

"You truly think it would be so simple? How childish." He looks disappointed again. Ugh.

"No, I was being sarcastic. Though judging by the trend, my headcannon probably is the case, as vague as it is. You bring down the veil, giving everyone magic. This leaves thousands upon thousands of untrained mages open to spirits who could very likely be corrupted from the sudden change. Almost everyone dies from lack of control over their new powers or from demonic possession. Those who survive the ordeal are no longer affected by time as much, and the elves regain immortality. This being due to the fact that time and space were much more fluid constructs before the Veil." I belatedly add to the end, "but that's just a vague theory." And wink at him and his flabbergasted face.

"I must learn to stop underestimating you..." Ha! So I was right!

"Yeah... Not just a pretty face, man. I was in the 98th percentile of my state during testing season, this was without any preparation, mind you."

"Ah. At least your modesty is right where I remember it to be." He picks up his book again. He thinks I'm done, how cute.

"Besides that tangent, which I know you're not commenting on on purpose by the by, Cullen knows Elven now. And every other language. So let Sociopath know that she has to watch out for that. You too, cousin. May is working on a fix for that right now, but at least for the next month or so, watch your words especially carefully."

"And now I am 'cousin'! Clearly someone is feeling very generous."

Okay, wow. "I mean, I wasn't that much of an ass, dude..." His face would beg to differ. "Really? Well my bad then. Shit, do other people think I'm an asshole, too?"

"The last I had checked, you were still seen as the eccentric prophetess of an absent god. Albeit only half right."

"Two thirds. Well, three quarters. Am eccentric. Am a prophetess. The god is absent. I don't soldier for him." I plop onto the ground to get comfy. "The way I see it, if He doesn't do jack shit to fix anything, he either isn't powerful enough to be a god, or he's a shitty god who isn't worth my respect."

"Ah, is that where I have failed you then? A lack of trying?"

Okay, yeah I cracked up at that. "Okay, first you already said you weren't a god. Second, you're trying. Almost too hard, really. Third, if you were an actual god, the rest of the pantheon included, I'd either follow you or Dirthamen. Believe me, I've thought about it before."

"You would follow the gods of treachery and secrets?" He put his book back down again.

"No. Rebellion. Someone who sees things as they are and has the drive to change it. And yes, secrets. Someone who can assess the situation with a level head and get the full picture before diving headlong into a problem. Two virtues I aspire to, yet ultimately find myself lacking. And don't give me the whole, 'The gods weren't perfect' spiel. I know. True, I don't know the full magnitude as the concrete evidence comes from vague comments from you mostly, but I can get the basics. I am referring to your most purest of selves, the virtues you are meant to represent as gods. Not including the petty politics."

"And when did you become so well versed in such subjects? As far as I have seen, you rarely give any thought into your surroundings, let alone the politics of this world. You use your outsiders view as an excuse to shirk off learning."

"Pffft! No, I just already knew! I'm not so arrogant that I would ignore any advice given to me, I've just already been given it many times before. When I played the game, I would ask each question available to me, explore each crevice I could find, read every wiki page when I got bored. Think of it this way, if someone sat you down and taught you Elvhen from the building blocks up, would you listen?"

He opened his mouth to retaliate before closing it with a click of his teeth. After a minute he just sighed. "You know if you weren't so very antagonistic when we met, I have a feeling we could have avoided many conflicts."

"No. If I wasn't antagonistic, I would have fallen for you. No doubt. That wouldn't have ended well for anyone, so I decided to treat you like an asshole. This way you don't like me and I can't like you. Heartbreak avoided. Doomed romance makes for a great story, but a shitty life."

He chuckled at me softly. "A doomed romance indeed. A novel idea, truly. The immortal with a duty too large, and the little girl too stubborn to let go. Has my life truly become so simple?"

"Everyone's life can be summed up in a paragraph if given minimal thought. Leliana. A young girl taken in by a church, given a divine message. She joins a band of misfits to save the day not once, but twice. Time withered away at her naïvety, leaving a killer in its wake."

"Ah, I see your point. What would yours be I wonder? You tell very little about your personal life."

"Ah, that one's easy! A child with everything loses it all, gone up in flames. Be it miracle or coincidence, she finds herself in a fantastical world making herself the hero of her favored story. Through the ashes of her past, she forged a new era of peace for all." I poke his face for dramatic effect. "Then a wolf shows up again and rips off her arm so she dies slower."

"So very eloquent, Inquisitor." He had a dry kind of smirk. "And I?"

"Oh that one's easy! A young elf finds himself with too much power and not enough discipline. He makes a giant mistake and never learns hindsight is 20/20 vision. He spends the rest of his life forcing himself to live out his greatest fear while fumbling to fix what is no longer broken."

He's glaring now. "Do you have a better idea, Inquisitor?"

"Several actually. But you're getting mad at me again, so you probably won't listen to them. The biggest and most glaring fix is to let it be. The second is to prepare the worlds for the Veil being broken. The third being to wait until this generation is dead so I won't have to deal with that shit. Some are better than others. Some involve full societary reform. Others involve fire. I like those ones, but they aren't very efficient."

"Again, you simplify things too much..."

"No, you just make them way too complicated to achieve. That's the problem with genius, sir. Get your head too far up your ass and you can only see shit."


	53. Things and Momentum

Alright, at this point there's literally nothing left but fetch-quests and waiting for Sacksplash to make a move. Hehehe, Sacksplash.

As I lay in my bed with my new friend, I hear a big boom and a wave of magical energy across the Veil. Welp. There go my plans of procrastination. I mentally thank Din for teaching me Fade Step as I get to the War room in record time, running into May as I watch the other advisers file in.

"Inquisitor!"

"I know! Cullen! Get the troops into position! They have to be able to hold him off a few minutes tops before the crew gets there, then they only need to worry about demons and stray shots from above. Leliana. Your people on the perimeters, keep an eye on the dragon. Josie. Plan the after party, I look forward to it." I give them all a toothy grin. "Come on guys, we got ourselves a loony to beat!"

So! Update. Right. In what was the Temple of Sacred Ashes with May, Din'lathelan, Solas, Vivienne, and Dorian! Got my kickass flower crown and badass armor. Custom bow tricked out to help with magic arrows. Let's do this shit.

 "I knew you would come, child." Eugh. Beauty sleep just can't help some people...

"You know? I could have said the same thing any time we met, but I decided it would be too cliché of me... How disappointing, Cory." He's like a Saturday morning cartoon villian.

 "You won't feel as such for long." And with that little preamble, he does his Temple in the Sky thing and suddenly, I notice the shift in air pressure. It makes my eyes water and my ears pop. Ew. "You have been most successful in foiling my plans, Inquisitor. But let us not forget who you are. A child. An interloper. A gnat. Let us see which of us is deserving of godhood, shall we?"

"Wait, is that my reward for beating you up? I thought it was just satisfaction and a not-destroyed world. Well if godhood is yours to offer, I'd be happy to take you up on that, sir!"

"Pah, you use humor to put up that brave face you flaunt about, you and I both know your true reward for this battle. Nothing. You gain nothing from this besides worthless recognition from a world that isn't even yours."

"Oh! We're playing the dissection game now? Okay! You are nothing more than a man who choked on his hubris millenia ago. You woke up to find your home in shambles and decided this world should burn for disappointing you." I turn to Solas. "Sound about right?"

"Is now really the time to draw parallels and harass me, Inquisitor?" He raises his hands, looks flabbergasted. 

"Fair enough. At least you can cope better!" And with that, I give the signal to charge. We each draw upon our own magic and the entire thing from then on is pretty much a blur. There were a few dragons involved, I stabbed one in the face, then we all ended up at the top of a tower.

 "Not like this! I have walked the halls of the Golden City, crossed the Ages!"

My anchor flares up before he can even finish his monologue. "Corypheus." The Orb gravitates to my hand. "You know what, buddy?" I focus the energy within the Orb to seal the sky, and raise my hand to eye level. "See you in Hell." A rift splits him apart and the Orb lands softly in my hands. "RUN, GUYS! NOW!" The tower begins to collapse and the last thing before I black out was cradling the Orb to my chest in the fetal position.

"Lethallan!" Wh- what? Am I talking to myself again?

"Inquisitor, get up. The battle is over. You won. Gloat, joke, write it off, do something!" That sounds kind of like... Nah, couldn't be...

"Is Solas being humble and worried about me?" I get up and almost immediately regret it. A dizzy feeling in my head and a sudden weight on my lap. Oh, right. Orb. Solas! I snatch the Orb before any other processing is done mentally. "You stuck around." I said, not entirely believing it.

"Yes, I believe you have something I need. And your... friend here wouldn't let me grab it before you woke up."

She puffs out her cheeks. "Oh, shut up. You were worried for your friend, asshole. And seeing anyone make grabby hands at a version of my body is just wrong, okay?"

"So, wait... This has most of your power in it, yeah?" I hold up the Orb, keeping it close to me.

"Yes, why?" He looks at me suspiciously. 

"...Gimme divinity."

The elves both stutter and give a synchronized "What?!"

"I know that's a thing. Look, you're gonna start a full redo on the universe, and you shouldn't be left unchecked. At the VERY least I should have a position of credibility in your new rebel organization. Well, I suppose you don't need to kill Mythal now, so she can serve as a guardian against future fuckups, but... Well, she didn't do much to stop your last one, nevermind. She's actually a little useless right about now. This whole mess was because the current set of gods is shit."

They both started to argue against me, but there was only silence.

Then Sociopath spoke. "To be fair, that sums up most of the past few centuries..."

"So, what? You want to have a whole new pantheon?" They've started arguing amongst themselves.

"It wouldn't be a new pantheon, just a new addition to it. After all, we all agreed adding Ghilly was a good idea for keeping Andruil in check. This would be the same principal, right?"

"Wh- No! They were lovers, this is an entirely different scenario! Name one way I am beholden to listen to her."

I piped up again. "I did kind of prevent you from having to kill your best friend. And saved your magic reserve thingy. And I'm already tied to you whether either of us wants that or not. I have your Orb and have already proven a proficiency in using your Fade magic. Oh! And already have a Holy Army on standby that believes to varying degrees I'm a religious symbol, which can only be fortified by our victory today. And access to a world with significantly better weapons than anything you can possibly concieve, remember that first Fade Meeting, Fenny?"

At that he blanches. "You... make a valid point. But I know what I am doing! I am not some child that needs to be watched."

The two of us both give him a Look. "You're kidding, right?"

"Wh- I-..." He sighs. "Fair point..."

"Well, if you're going to be my new Boss, then can I say I am proud of you, me. Never thought I'd see the day. Or anything that would lead up to this, really, but that ruins the moment a little, doesn't it?"

"So what exactly is the process for this?"

He slowly reaches for the Orb but stops shy of pulling it to him. Instetad, he kind of brings it between us and begins probing it with his mana. "Just follow my lead."

Alright...? I also start to pour mana into the Orb, but then it starts to magnetize towards me? The whole process is just... odd. It feels like tasting colors, impossibility mixed with a teensy bit of logic. Then, the dam breaks loose.

It feels like a second blood system that was there, but ignored had suddenly flared back to life for the first time. I get a shiver up my spine and can feel the air crackle around me.

"Inquisitor!" In the distance I can see Cassandra approaching our group and I get up. Feeling more... dignified? Kind of. Powerful. Definitely. I go up and greet my army of misfits with a newfound confidence while I can still keep it.

"Well then! Men, women, and anybody in between! Today, we made history! We saved the whole fucking world!" A raised fist to the newly cleared sky. "Howsabout we head home?"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Almost over now! But don't worry, I'm mulling over sequel titles now.


	54. The After Party

Back in Skyhold now, I can see all the people looking up to me. I wonder how they'll react to the new news?

After the typical 'We did it' speech, it wasn't Leliana, but Josie who flagged me down. Probably since Solas is still here.

"Danielle? Before we can relax, what is it we should tell the people of the future? I have quite a few ideas, but any coming from you would be all the more valued."

"Turns out, Josie, divinity was genuinely on the table for the fight. So, seeing as I am now, essentially one of the most powerful  _and_ influential beings in all of Thedas, I would be surprised if the other powers don't start feeling a little threatened soon. We tone down our hold in other areas once they've been deemed peaceful again, and try to stay as neutral as we can for now."

"But that would be seen as us giving up, as losing strength. Would it not be beneficial to keep claims we have made for future use?"

"Yeah, but areas like... Crestwood, for instance, are already relatively peaceful. There would be no point in keeping a standing army in a place like that. Ferelden would easily see it as a threat. Trust me Josie, I know this." I tap the side of my face for emphasis, she seems to have gotten the picture.

"Ah. Very well then, Inquisitor."

"Now! Party time!" I waltz into the main hall like I own the place, because I do, and mingle with my buddies and the not-so-buddies. Ah! Softened Leliana is the new Divine! Perfect! "Lels, a moment?"

As we head off into Josie's office I can see she's dying to hear whatever could interrupt the party. "Well?"

"Erm, so... I am now a god. Kind of? Almost definitely. Anyways, I need to be able to trust that this news can be told without the entire Chantry after me again."

"Wh-How exactly are you a god now? You realize how mad you sound, yes?"

"No, well, yes, but look. Not exactly a god in your sense, more of a... I dunno. Not omniscient, but pretty much omnipotent. Not nearly as powerful as the Maker is told to be, more on par for a shittier version of the Elven pantheon." Now to come up with a good enough lie about getting it... Ha! "Look, Corypheus had taken the fight to the Fade in the final stretch, and the two of us were pulled in physically. It wasn't until after the battle that I had realized just where we were. We were in the Black City, Leliana! He had struggled to go towards a huge set of doors, so I figured there would be something of note there. A ball of pure light, and it had spoken to me. 'You have done well, my child, and have proven yourself worthy.' After that, I blacked out and found myself with more power and magic than I ever thought possible!" Sounds about as believable as 'I picked up a ball and became branded by an Elven God to save the world.'

"The Maker truly spoke to you? But you had actively denied his existence before! You said you weren't his prophet any time anyone called you Herald."

"Because I had no proof of him. But hearing his voice and receiving a gift directly from him tends to prove things rather nicely. Point is, I'm now a demi-goddess or something that may even be on par with Andraste herself? And also immortal. So it'll be found out eventually even if we don't say anything." Now how else to make a lie sound believable than to add anothee on top, hahah... "Worst case scenario, we can tell them about having ascended, give them a light show, then I can go into hiding for a generation or two. Best case scenario, I get a nice temple with central heating somewhere, nice staff that I can pay well, and two years worth of relaxation before I get called to action again."

"Why two years?"

"Oh, that's when Trespasser will happen. Cullen gets a dog, Varric becomes Viscount of Kirkwall, the Qunari invade for a bit, we learn an earth shattering secret, a fun time for all. The final Exalted Council meeting, something like that. It's there that we decide whether or not to disband the Inquisition, and that's also where my knowledge ends."

"And of course you wait until now to tell me this. Because it's you and I really should have expected you withholding more information..." Leliana looks defeated at this point.

"Think of it as something to look forward to! And we've been away from the party for a bit too long, don't you think?" We headed back and only a few partygoers seemed to notice I was gone in the first place.

A certain hobo boy was watching me over his wine glass, with a sociopath in tow. "May we have a word, Inquisitor?"

"You may need more than one, but go ahead." Add another tick to the 'Disappointed Solas Glare' scoreboard. We're well above 100 now!

"With your impromptu ritual done, now we must break the news to the remaining contingents of Elvhen and what is left of the Pantheon. Hopefully, with enough time they can forgive me for this..."

"Well, it's not like this is your worst offence to date. I think they can forgive a little more order up top."

A slightly tipsy Din speaks through her wine glass. "We needed an update in leadership. Not everyone was as grim as tall, bald and broody or pale, braided and pious. You're good, kiddo. Good luck comvincing the other elves, though. From what I've heard, they really don't like this one much, which, fair enough. Most of us didn't like him either. But they got all the wrong reasons for it. Get a few disciples, tell em it was Mythal that raised you up, and you'll be good to go." That's actually not too bad of a plan.

"Either way, we should head back to my temple in the West to work on our end goal."

"Woah, woah, woah. I already have a base of operations here. I can't just up and leave. I mean, I support your end goal entirely, cousin, but we haven't even settled on a proper plan."

"Yes we have. Tear down the Veil, save the Elvhen."

"That's not a proper plan, that's a Solas plan. Which always end up with really shitty results... No, we have to do it right. Anyways, for now, I have myself a bed calling to me. Done with the bureaucracy for tonight."

So I head upstairs, and Cullen not-so-subtly follows behind me.

Before he rounds the stairs, I've already flopped onto the bed face first. "Don't know what you were expecting, sweetie. But I'm probably too tired to give it to ya."

He lays down parallel to me on his back. "Don't worry. Just wanted to know you weren't gobbled up by the blankets without me."

"Ah, my knight in shining armor. Yikes, that stuff's cold! Not in the bed, goof!"

Ah well, whatever happens, it'll probably turn out alright.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And thus ends Just Another Fantasy! Up next, you can expect: Probably a time skip somewhere, more Elvhen, Mythal, the rest of the Pantheon, and probably more dog, maybe even a few crossover chapters! But probably not for a while... At the very most, maybe a month before the next story, at the least a few days.


End file.
